... Help :-(

I had posted recently about my need for lovenox and lopressor during pregnancy... I never imagined that within a week my precious little baby would be given a death sentence. On Wednesday at a routine ultrasound I was notified that my baby has "acrania," which is an extremely rare nueral tube defect where the skull does not properly develop, leaving no top to the head and exposed brain tissue. The condition is not conducive to life. I was given 2 options, to terminate the pregnancy saving the baby undue pain. Or to continue the pregnancy and either have the baby die in utero or give birth to a baby that will not survive more than a few minutes/hours.

We left that day with no idea what to do.
Basically just cried and held each other.
I will be 14 weeks tomorrow. I thought I was past the part of worry. And this was my 5th ultrasound bc I was high risk.

After much discussion and counseling we decided to proceed with a d&e.
I had 4 appointments within the past 2 days to prepare for the surgery, however I don't think I will ever be truly prepared. As the procedure is
On Monday I will not be having the laminaria as I thought but instead be
Taking misoprostol 3 hours before the surgery. I am
So very afraid that th guilt will never go away. Just minutes before we found out, we were discussing names in the waiting room, we were so happy
To be starting a family, and this is also my first pregnancy.


I guess why I'm here is just to know I'm not alone and get support from people who have been through similar situations. I'm not necessarily
Afraid of the physical aspect of what is happened but terrified
Of the emotions that come along with which a procedure. I love my baby... And although he/she will be an angel, I will miss him/her dearly.

We did decide that we are going to keep the remains and have the body cremated so we can scatter the ashes at the place we spent our first weekend together. We are also have chromosomal testing to determine if this was genetic
Or completely random, (which is more likely), we will also know if our angel is Alexis Skye or unnamed baby boy (we never agreed on a boys name).

Any advice or stories to help us through this. I'd appreciate anything.

Please do not respond if you are going to condemn our decision to terminate as it was an extremely tough decision to make.

I'm sorry mama   I hope you find peace in your decision

My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry *hugs*

I'm so sorry mama. I'm gonna say a prayer for you.

I am so sorry you have to go through this.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I will pray for you and your husband that you find peace through this difficult time.

I am so sorry. Back in 1976 my aunt had a baby with that. She was stillborn. My aunt never got over it but what mother would. You are in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry for your situation and for the decision you had to make. I think its normal to feel guilty, but dont let it overwhelm you. You are trying to make the best decision in a terrible situation.I hope that you can find strength through this and be sure to talk to your doctor about counseling or therapy for your emotional needs.

I am so so sorry for what you are going through. I didn't go through anything like that but before getting pregnant this time around I had 2 miscarriages. With the first one, I fell really badly down a hill. To this day, I still feel that it was my fault. If only I hadn't gone down that hill. But this little baby in me is proof I am meant to be a mommy. I was also told at 17 that I would never be able to have children unless I adopted. I'll be 32 weeks tomorrow. It will happen sweetheart. And you are not alone. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. =(

When I was 19 weeks pregnant we where told my daughter would not survive due to Turners syndrome and Hydrops Fetalis . She was stillborn a month later. It was absolutely devastating. Its been years and its still very painful. Its gets easier with time but the hurt over your loss will always be lingering.
Take it easy on your self and remember that you are going to fly through thousands of feelings and that every single one of them is justified as you heal. If you need to cry than cry, if you need to scream than scream, listen to your emotions and just allow them to be what they are.

Thank you all. I'm
Sure I'm not alone, but as anyone who's been through something similar feels, I feel
So alone.

I'm at the point where I am
Numb to the world
Around me. Nothing makes sense.

It's hard to go from excited
Happy parents to be, to planning on what to do with the remains of your precious child.

Thank you all. I'm
Sure I'm not alone, but as anyone who's been through something similar feels, I feel
So alone.

I'm at the point where I am
Numb to the world
Around me. Nothing makes sense.

It's hard to go from excited
Happy parents to be, to planning on what to do with the remains of your precious child.

Oh, honey! I can certainly empathize with you. You are certainly not alone. I've lost 2 babies both at 20 weeks. One because no kidneys developed and the other with a very similar neural tube defect to yours. It IS heartbreaking. I will be keeping you in my prayers. My best advice would be to blog or journal about your feelings and make no apologies for how you feel. Don't feel guilty for the choice you've made because as mothers it is our duty to protect our babies; you made the choice to keep him/her from experiencing an awful pain that you couldn't help.
I started a blog after our second loss, and maybe it will help you. http://adkinsfamily08.wordpress.com/2012/07/25/our-first-baby/
Please know you are not alone! I will be praying for you!

I a m so sorry that you are having to go through this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Not sure if you believe in God or not, but your baby will be going to heaven and will never know a day of pain.

I am sorry for your pain. I just found out that my baby has a cyst on her kidney. And I need to make a decision before I turn 20 weeks. And I'm 18 weeks now. I can either terminate my pregnancy, or go through with it. If.I keep going on with my pregnancy, my baby will have an disorder. My doctor also told me she was concerned about how much fluid around my baby. Saying its not enough, I put faith in God. So my boyfriend and I decided to keep going with our pregnancy. I will send a prayer up for you.