Difficulty bonding with BF's son?

Please don't quote me on this.

My boyfriend has a two year old son from a previous relationship. The child's mother is a real piece of work. But that's besides the point. He has his son every other weekend & every Tuesday. I also have a 3.5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. My daughter's father isn't involved in her life at all. Deadbeat.

I'm having a really hard time "connecting" with his son. Maybe it's pregnancy hormones and how easily irritated I am lately, but I'm just having a hard time growing a bond with his son. Up until recently, he wasn't providing any consequences/timeouts/etc to his son when he would act out in public or at home, so that put a strain on things. After I discussed my opinion on it, he did start utilizing one minute time outs with his son which has helped improve the son's behavior a little, [ yes I do realize he is only two, but I still dont' believe he should be allowed to act out all the time. ] I'm very "stern" with my daughter when she acts up, time outs immediately, and is removed from the situation/people around here until she makes the choice to follow directions.

back to the topic, i tend to ramble. I'm not sure why i'm having issues connected with his son. I've tried to go over every possible reason, but haven't been able to pinpoint one aside from him not being there often either. His son is a pretty whiny child which tends to get a bit difficult for everyone. Even discussing it here, I feel like a horrible person. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice on how to connect and "like" his son more?

Maybe take his son out somewhere, with just the two of you.

Quoting Courtney [34 weeks]:" Maybe take his son out somewhere, with just the two of you. "

I've thought about that. As I've wanted him to do the same with my daughter, but I'm not sure how comfortable he is with that idea yet. I do know he hasn't told his child's mother about me or the pregnancy yet.. which is horrible considering we are living together as well.

Being a step parent to a 6 year old and a 3 year old, I will tell you that it is extremely hard. Anything good takes time and patience though. Give this little one time and treat him as you would your own child. My DH 3 year old is very similar with acting out and telling me he hates me. You have to put yourself in their shoes and realize that it's just as hard for them as is may be for you. Try to play with him more and get on his level.

Quoting Kenzie Doll.:" I've thought about that. As I've wanted him to do the same with my daughter, but I'm not sure how comfortable ... [snip!] ... hasn't told his child's mother about me or the pregnancy yet.. which is horrible considering we are living together as well. "

Oh yea, I'm sure that won't be good when he does tell her.
How long have you two been together?

Quoting Courtney [34 weeks]:" Oh yea, I'm sure that won't be good when he does tell her. How long have you two been together?"

we've been living together 3 months now. i'm 8.5 weeks pregnant. We've been together about 6 months. Things moved a little fast I suppose. ha.

Quoting SniperWolfMandy:" Being a step parent to a 6 year old and a 3 year old, I will tell you that it is extremely hard. Anything ... [snip!] ... their shoes and realize that it's just as hard for them as is may be for you. Try to play with him more and get on his level."

True. SO thinks he acts out because he's not with him enough, but the child's mother claims he acts more with her.. I'm not sure. I think he may just be two and dealing with two different households with different routines/parenting methods.

Quoting Kenzie Doll.:" we've been living together 3 months now. i'm 8.5 weeks pregnant. We've been together about 6 months. Things moved a little fast I suppose. ha. "

No shame in that, it happens sometimes.
but as for his son, just keep trying.
He is young and probably doesn't understand.
Talk to your SO about how you feel, see if he has any advice.

Quoting Courtney [34 weeks]:" No shame in that, it happens sometimes. but as for his son, just keep trying. He is young and probably doesn't understand. Talk to your SO about how you feel, see if he has any advice."

I've tried. He isn't very undersatnding of my morning sickness lasting all day long. So he says I don't get on the floor and play with his son enough. Although, I feel like i'm making a valid attempt. I guess it will just take time. I just feel bad. ;/

Quoting Kenzie Doll.:" True. SO thinks he acts out because he's not with him enough, but the child's mother claims he acts ... [snip!] ... I'm not sure. I think he may just be two and dealing with two different households with different routines/parenting methods."

It really is hard on the kids especially if they are little. He could be acting out more for his mother because he misses his father. All he needs is a little understanding and love. At 2 he may not understand fully why he has two families. I'd suggest keep up with the time-outs when he misbehaves but also try to reward him as much as possible for being a good boy. Don't be worried if you don't see progress over-night, this is something that takes time. All relationships need time to build them into something great. Once they start to get older they will really appreciate you for being there as a step parent.

Quoting Kenzie Doll.:" I've thought about that. As I've wanted him to do the same with my daughter, but I'm not sure how comfortable ... [snip!] ... hasn't told his child's mother about me or the pregnancy yet.. which is horrible considering we are living together as well. "

What is he waiting for? This can cause MAJOR issues from the mom and resentment for not saying anything. Id be smurfing PISSED if someone was living with my child and I didnt even know about her.

Quoting FroggysMommy:" What is he waiting for? This can cause MAJOR issues from the mom and resentment for not saying anything. Id be smurfing PISSED if someone was living with my child and I didnt even know about her."

There has been numerous issues with the woman before. She's ordered home studies/life studies on him numerous times which results in someone following him around at work, home, interviewing his family/friends/etc. for no reason.. she's broken court order way too many times.. and he takes her back to court to no avail. she refuses to let him take his son on his court appointed days.. etc etc.. so i know he's certain that there will be consequences to his telling her. he's worried she will keep his son from him again... and she will. but he has to do it.. i agree, that she will hold it against him. he just doesn't want to deal with the aftermath at the moment. he doesn't quite listen to me about telling her now rather than later. so i have to leave it up to him.

That's terrible and awfully childish of her. I'm sorry you guys have to go through that. Doesn't seem like she thinks about the feelings of her son or anyone but her own.

Quoting SniperWolfMandy:" That's terrible and awfully childish of her. I'm sorry you guys have to go through that. Doesn't seem like she thinks about the feelings of her son or anyone but her own. "

I agree. Unfortunately, he has to deal with her for the rest of his life.

Quoting Kenzie Doll.:" I agree. Unfortunately, he has to deal with her for the rest of his life. "

Or till his son is 18.... Once he reaches a certain age he can deal more with him then her. I know this because my parents divorced when I was 15 and now my dad refuses to talk to my mom and he just talks to us directly. Hopefully this woman will grow up some and realize that it doesn't have to be like this for her son's sake.