re: When punishments don't work.

Quoting Talena_caro:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Kelly&Coralie:</b>" You can't let her get away with destroying ... [snip!] ... for her things and not break them, because she simply will not have them anymore. It's rough love but its often that way."

It also shows her that she can get away with it.

Let her b reak her toys, but I would never let her vandalise her room. I'd make HER fix it all. She rips the wall paper? She puts more up.

I gotta say though, I'd be pissed as hell if my kid were breaking toys. I'd take it all away before it happened

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kelly&Coralie:</b>" It also shows her that she can get away with it. Let her b reak her toys, but I would never let her ... [snip!] ... puts more up. I gotta say though, I'd be pissed as hell if my kid were breaking toys. I'd take it all away before it happened"</blockquote>

She's paying for the wall paper to be replaced, it will be interesting to see her face in a months time when she thinks she has enough money saved up for her new MH doll to realise she can't because the money was used to fix her room.

I does piss me, you have no idea but the lying and stealing really get my goat as she wants for nothing and I'm pretty laid back as long as I get the truth the first time. But I never keep expensive toys in her room, not that stupid..it's mainly her little things, and normally the little things plays with most gets it..but she has to learn. As an adult if we throw a tantrum and a plate gets smashed (everyone's got to have done that lol) we no longer have a plate to match our sets..and it costs money to replace..so we learn to not throw plates or other things, ok may e the occasional pillow but we learn and so do they.

Sadly she has oppositional defiant disorder also so teaching her rule with ADHD is hard but add that to the issue and its a whole lot tougher

Quoting Talena_caro:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Kelly&Coralie:</b>" It also shows her that she can get away ... [snip!] ... oppositional defiant disorder also so teaching her rule with ADHD is hard but add that to the issue and its a whole lot tougher"

I've never smashed a plate or thrown anything in anger

Is she seeing a behavioural therapist? Can she get into some kind of group therapy?

She needs to learn more positive and constructive ways to deal "in the moment". Cause she isn't thinking about not having her toy or having to pay for something in the future.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kelly&Coralie:</b>" I've never smashed a plate or thrown anything in anger Is she seeing a behavioural therapist? Can ... [snip!] ... ways to deal "in the moment". Cause she isn't thinking about not having her toy or having to pay for something in the future."</blockquote>

She had ADHD, in the UK they are instantly given these nurses and doctor to help them learn to adjust to the way they are.

I don't know if you know or have a child with ADHD but teaching them normal behavioural lessons such as Sharing is about 10 times harder than a normal child, my 3 year old shares without thought. It's very hard but she will learn sadly 9 times out of 10 it will be the hard way..

Quoting Talena_caro:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Kelly&Coralie:</b>" I've never smashed a plate or thrown ... [snip!] ... my 3 year old shares without thought. It's very hard but she will learn sadly 9 times out of 10 it will be the hard way.."

I don't have a child with ADHD or anythiung like that. Cora is being tested for Asbergers and she sees an OT every week.

That's awesome about the treatment in the UK. Here it is a battle to even get a doc to LOOK at a child. It took me almost 2 years of trying to find someone to see Cora. And now she is on the wait list to be tested at the developmental center.

Her issues do make it hard to deal or reason. When she gets upset or frustrated, she shuts down completely. Doesn't know what to do or say, has a hard time recognizing loved ones, etc.

When she's good, it's like heaven on earth, but when she is having a bad day, it's hell. No happy medium.

I don't know what else could help you, other than just being firm and consistent. I like the idea of her having to pay for repairs and for her own broken toys.

Do you have a cool down jar? It's like glitter, water, and small toys that you can shake like a snow globe and find what is in it. For cora, what works best is "cool downs" instead of "time outs".

it's when she has to take a break from the activity, cool down, vocalize what she wants, and go from there.

It works about 90% of the time, but it took about a year for her to get the hang of it. There are even times when she puts herself in cooldown (which is freaking awesome)

Maybe you could have a quiet corner? All the pillows, books, coloring supplies, calm music, etc, that she enjoys? And when she gets out of control, you can direct her there to cool off?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kelly&Coralie:</b>" I don't have a child with ADHD or anythiung like that. Cora is being tested for Asbergers and she sees ... [snip!] ... coloring supplies, calm music, etc, that she enjoys? And when she gets out of control, you can direct her there to cool off?"</blockquote>

Lol no if she is in time out in a huff I will leave her be its then she breaks toys, but if she breaks down I will sit in the room or restrain her because when she flips she targets herself and will beat herself down than get anger and take on her room.

I think firm and emotionless punishment verses loving praises will work best.

People often think of ADHD as low attention and being hyper but its so mucho te dangerous, at 8 my daughter can't walk without my hand because she will walk onto roads, away with strangers or knock herself and others over. Plus they have a highly addictive personality making it easier for them to fall into drugs drink..or in my daughters cause eating problems..makes them feel like they can control something about their body's.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Talena_caro:</b>" She is on medication and theropy, we went to the police station so they could talk to her about stealing ... [snip!] ... having a huge xmas. I hoenstly do not think she had very much emotion or even ability to show remorse. Im at a loss.."</blockquote>




Lack of remorse isn ADHD, that's something else.

I don't know much about how you can help your daughter, but if your advisor said the police station was
Fine, I'd go with that. Sometimes a brush with authority stops'em cold.