I need perspective from older mommas

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So my situation is complicated so im going to try to make this as short as possible. I am 18, had my daughter at 16. I dropped out of school, never had a job, dont have family support. I share custody of my daughter with her father. i get her half the week, he gets her the other half. He is currently fighting for full custody and to be honest neither of us are currently fit to be parents. I am trying to get my life together, going back to school, getting a job, etc. He is not a great father, normally his grandmother takes care of our daughter during his days which i dont mind because she is amazing to her. When we go to court i am going to sign my temporary rights over TO HIS GRANDMOTHER who is more than capable of taking care of her until i can get my life together with her. It hurts but i cant be a mom right now in the situation i am in and my dad has told me the same thing. I will be able to get her on days that i can, i just need to focus on myself and my life for her. I just dont know if i will be looked down on for this or if im doing the right thing... please help?

i dont know why anyone would look down on you for looking out for your child and doing whats best for her. its good that you are admitting that you need help with giving your child what she needs.

You will be looked down upon by people who don't even know your situation and that's life but if YOU know what you're doing is the best thing for your daughter right now, then to hell with the naysayers. I think it's a wonderful idea. You're signing your daughter over to someone who can better care for her temporarily while you get your life together to give her the best from you. It's not like you're signing her over so you can go get strung out as much as you want.

You need to really think this through and understand how this will effect everyone, not just you. I'm speaking about the relationship you will ultimately break up between your child and her grandmother. You can't expect to let her be raised and taken care of and then you swoop in when you're ready. It's not fair to the others involved. You're young and I assume healthy. You could get out there and bust ass to survive with the help of your wages as well as government support. The truth to the matter is you're not ready to be a mother right now. And that's OK to admit. It's better than acting like others do not know this struggle you speak of and have overcome it themselves.

I'm your age but I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. You're doing what you think is best for your child. It's not for selfish reasoning.

If you can make put it in the paper work to revisit the situation in 6 months. Whether you are ready or not at that time, have it reviewed. That way nothing can come back to bite you in the ass in the future. I understand needed to do it for your daughter. I hope things get better for you

You're doing what you feel is right for your child, I would write up an agreement though, stating you would like to see her so many days a week, and that you'd like her back when you're stable enough to support her.
I would just watch out for her father, because if he wants full custody he might try and do something while his grandmother has her.
This is a really mature and strong decision you're making so you and your daughter can have a future.

i wish there were more girls out there like you. I applaud you for doing something so unselfish. Knowing you cant provide for her at this present moment like you should be able to and giving her up temp to someone is beyond capable. there should be more girls out there like you

Short term, I don't see this as being a bad situation if your BD's mom is ok with raising another kid. However, I also think it might be very difficult to get custody back later on. It's hard to undo that sort of thing.

Quoting Summerfrost:" Short term, I don't see this as being a bad situation if your BD's mom is ok with raising another kid. ... [snip!] ... kid. However, I also think it might be very difficult to get custody back later on. It's hard to undo that sort of thing. "

 
Esp the emotions and bond that come with it.

Im 34...if that really matters. Ive only been a mother for 3 years.

In my honest opinion...I think this makes you one of the best moms I have ever known. To put your daughter infront of your needs and wants is the most courageous thing.

None of us can be good mothers if we dont take care of ourselves. Sounds like she has a great grandmother, I hope she will honour your wishes and see the importance of you continuing in her life.

Please dont bog yourself down with what others may think of you, and just concentrate on what YOU think of YOU, and remember to give yourself a pat on the back for every goal you reach, no matter how small.

Good luck mama...Im praying for the best for you and your baby girl.

I volunteer twice a week at a shelter for girls that are under eighteen, have children, and no family support. I watch them struggle to balance their school, personal lives, and being a mom. I always think, oh if only they had help from family they could focus on school, bettering themselves to become a great mother, and have a successful future. How amazing that his grandmother is willing to care for your daughter while you go back to school and get everything together so you can eventually care for your daughter how you would like. I have witnessed girls go through this, and it is just so wonderful to see girls that can put their pride aside and put their childrens needs first. I think (actually I know they do not, people are always so judgemental of others) people do not realize how hard it is for a mother to say "hey, I need help and I think it is in my childs best interest to be with someone else for a bit while I get my life in order." Some people are way too proud to admit that and therefore their children suffer. I know this is crazy because I do not know you but I wish I could hug you because you are making the hardest decision a mother will ever have to make. I have seen girls that let what other people think influence their decision and they do not really make any progress or they make slow progress and struggle so badly. But I have also worked with girls that do not listen to others and know deep down what is best for their child and themselves... and when they are in a better place... finishing school, have a job, have their own place, they get their child back and they are able to provide a stable environment for their child. Sometimes in life we have to make small sacrifices to have a better future. In this case it is not just your future, it is your childs future too. So the best of luck to you. and yes like one of the other women suggested that you should have your case revisited every 6 months to assess where you are and when you are ready to get back custody.

Quoting Just Ames:" You need to really think this through and understand how this will effect everyone, not just you. I'm ... [snip!] ... OK to admit. It's better than acting like others do not know this struggle you speak of and have overcome it themselves. "

    


this is completely changing your little girl's life too  

It's better to get on your feet now, and get your life together while your child is young enough to not really understand the situation. The older she gets the more she'll understand and it'll be even harder. I think what your doing is mature, and the responsible thing to do. Granted this is something both you & the Dad are okay with, and something that the Grandmother understands is temporary.