Who should hold/feed the baby first?

I've heard that bonding is crucial in the first moments after birth for baby and mother. My plan was (and I'd kind of hate to change it) to have baby placed on my chest, cleaned, weighed, and feed her. Then pass her on to my fiance who is her father. Thing is, after they clean her, HE wants to hold/feed her first. I don't think this is necessarily fair. I've had a horrible pregnancy and I just want that bonding time with my daughter up close and personal. Yes, I know that he hasn't had the "perks" of pregnancy, but honestly the only "perk" to this pregnancy will be when I give birth. I've spent my entire pregnancy throwing up, in and out of the hospital, on bed rest, getting countless tests run because of how the pregnancy is affecting MY health. After all that, I want to have something to look forward too. I want her to see ME first, to be fed by ME first, to be held by ME first. In the beginning, I agreed to let him feed her, but after all this, I NEED this. I even agreed to letting him have all the rest if I can just hold her and feed her first. Am I being selfish and irrational?

IMO, first the Doctor (lol- someone's gotta deliver it), and then the mama.

Maybe try breastfeeding?! In that case you HAVE to hold and feed her first. BUT even FF, yes I think mom should get first dibs.

Assuming you're formula feeding. For that purpose I don't see a big difference with who feeds first. So maybe you can hold her first and then he will feed her? Compromise.

are you not BFing? Cos I mean... you'd be the only one to feed her then   I think I will be the first one to hold her, unless my partner catches her I guess? I don't think you're being irrational though.

Just tell him that the first skin to skin moments with baby are crucial for your bonding with her. Sure he needs to bond, but it's not a chemical reaction for him like it is for you. That extra oxytocin is important imo.

Quoting Twin's Mommy:" IMO, first the Doctor (lol- someone's gotta deliver it), and then the mama."

Well of course the doctor will have her first(:
I'm not so far gone that I want her to end up on the floor first  

No way I'd let DH get first dibs. Mommy should be first, then daddy, IMO.

Quoting Leigh Reep:" Well of course the doctor will have her first(: I'm not so far gone that I want her to end up on the floor first  "

I was just being a smart ass. Seriously I think all mom's should hold the babies first...

I would say yes and no.



I think its amazing that he wants that bonding. A lot of dads don't try to be so involved. I let SO feed and hold her first then I cuddled and burped her. And while he slept, I laid her on my chest skin to skin and just spent time bonding with her. You guys can still bond. But make sure to let dad bond too.. its important he feels included.

if not breast feeding..baby doesnt' have to eat right away.

baby needs skin to skin to regulate blood sugars, temperature, and breathing. Why not do the skin to skin.... then after the first hour let him hold/feed LO?

I think it's very important that you hold her first. That first moment is very important because of all the chemicals released in both yours and baby's brains. What if you hold her and he cuts the cord? I breastfed so obviously I fed our daughter first. But I'd say you should do that too. There will be plenty of time for him to bond with her. If you tear and need stitches he can hold her that whole time! But do have them put her on your chest before you cut the cord. That moment was amazing for me. I didn't let my Dh take that from me. I had to have it!

It's not that I don't respect him wanting that bond. I totally get that and it makes me happier than anyone could ever know(: It's just that he's also made it clear that I'm expected to do all the rest (bathing, diapers, clothing, crying, etc.) It's almost like my obligation to do all the dirty work when I've had my fair share of hating what's going on so far and then he gets the beautiful moment of holding and feeding her. It almost feels like "Ok hun, I'm done holding her now, you can have her. It was so amazing, and I've never loved anyone as much as you and her. She crying a lot and I think she has a dirty diaper. Since I fed her, you can change the diaper. I did my part, you can do yours, I think I'll go get some food now." It's like he gets all the beginning sensitive moments and I get what's left.

And yes, I have to formula feed because medications that I take are distributive through breast milk. It broke my heart when I found that out ):

When I gave birth to our daughter SO was the first to hold her then my mom and then me. It wasn't a big deal to me I still bonded with her. Do whatever you want to do but a compromise is always nice too.

I think the mama should hold LO first.
With DD, she pooped inside of me. So they placed her on me to cut the cord, then whisked her away. I didn't get to actually hold her for about 20 minutes. SO was with her as soon as they pulled her out. I couldn't even see her because my bed was in the way. He'd asked the nurses if he could carry her to me, the ones he asked said yes, but the bitch nurse i haaad picked her up and carried her over, he was LIVID he couldn't hold her first because "You carried her for 9 months, so I should have been able to at least carry her to you". Maybe see if after they clean her off if he can carry LO to you?