Dead beat Dad

So my daughters sperm donar refused to be around the entre time I was pregnant when I told him I was pregnant his response was well dont get mad when I cant go to the appointments cuz I hav smurf to do :/ then he starting saying he didnt go to any of them cuz I wouldnt let him when truth is I told when and where every appointment was n the day it came up he would ignore me he ignored me for 3months straight at one point I hav done as much as I can to let him b involved with my daughter up until her birth because when I was going into labor he went into my bathroom in the hospital n snorted something ,jn n then stole my wallet wich I hav yet to get back anyways the point of all of this is should I let him be part of her life my head tells me no but I feel bad I think she is better off not knowing what do you guys think

If he's using drugs then no, you shouldn't let him come around her.

If he's on drugs then no.
Him not being around for your pregnancy is smurffy but that's not a good enough reason to exclude him from his daughters life. He doesn't have to love you to be able to love her.

Father or not, don't let drug addicts around your child.

If he is on drugs then no.

But other than that just because he wasn't around for you during pregnancy doesn't mean he shouldn't be in her life if he wants to be. She deserves a dad if he is clean and is actually going to be a dad.

Quoting .Sam.:" If he's on drugs then no. Him not being around for your pregnancy is smurffy but that's not a good enough ... [snip!] ... daughters life. He doesn't have to love you to be able to love her. Father or not, don't let drug addicts around your child."

this

She format need him. I say no, if he wants to be a part of her life you have to set rules. If he doesn't want to be a part of her life, don't beg him. His loss.

Its not just that he wasnt at my appointments its the fact that he says he was gonna go but didnt I dont want her being let down n heart broken because he is to busy doing other things

Yup a big fat NO until he kicks the drugs, and then I would only do supervised visits honestly :-S

Quoting Machel Martinez:" Its not just that he wasnt at my appointments its the fact that he says he was gonna go but didnt I dont want her being let down n heart broken because he is to busy doing other things"

That has nothing to do with her.
He could hate your smurfing guts and still be the most loving, caring father in the world to the baby.
I think the bigger issue here is his drug use, not his involvement in your pregnancy.

Did you find out if he's actually the father, and does he know he might not be?

Mine took me to one appt, then we got the first ultrasound and he basically said the same thing. After she was born I tried contacting him to come see her, he never would. A friend called one night to tell me he was at Denny's. I packed her ass up and went up there and put her in his booth next to him and asked if he would like to see his daughter. He glanced over and said she looked nothing like him and probably wasent his baby and that is the only time he ever saw her. (even after a paternity test for child support)

She's 12 now. When she was old enough to ask, I was honest with her. He was a heavy alcoholic and irresponsible and was not ready for a child so I got her all to myself. I told her when she was older if she wanted to meet him she could. She has never wanted to.

I think the fact that he cheated on me when I was pregnant and knocked up some homeless girl who he married and has a family with now has a big factor on that. HE isent involved but HIS father is, so she has her grandfather, and they take all the kids at once so the "siblings" can spend time together. I think the fact that he had another kid her age that he picked over her hurt her feelings so she doesnt give a crap about him anymore :-\

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rd.:</b>" Did you find out if he's actually the father, and does he know he might not be?"</blockquote>




Ive told him he might not b n am getting a paternity test only because my family is convinced she looks like my sons father but eery time I look at her I see him

Just file for child support, the child support enforcement agency will do the paternity test and everything for you.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Unique Mama:</b>" Just file for child support, the child support enforcement agency will do the paternity test and everything for you."</blockquote>




I filed jus waiting now

Your kids learn everything from their parents just ask yourself is that the male role modle you want for your daught? He does drugs and stole from you when you were having his kids! My son's father is worthless too. I won't allow him around even if wanted to (which he doesn't) the worse thing for your LO is to have daddy come in and out of her life high and unpredictable. He might take her to his dealer, she could be unsafe in his care.