Quoting snglemama:" first... I never said I yelled at him, or talked LOUDER. I said "sternly" and more firmly. He's a ... [snip!] ... happens instead of figuring out who did it).. I dont' want that... I just want a reasonabnle, age appropriate amount of respect"
No one said you yelled at him....so I think maybe it's time for you to breathe.
You can continue to think everything your doing is right and hope that he turns into the child you want him to be...
Or you can take advice from the people you asked advice from and admit that maybe you should change up the way you're doing things.
You said yourself that after he still didn't get in bed, you gave him a second chance at a book. Nothing an 8 year old can read is going to change his educational outcome. 6:20 isn't a normal bed time but if he's in trouble, he's in trouble and can go to bed at 6:20.
You obviously didn't want him to be doign whatever he was doing because you scolded him 3 times for it, so I'm confused at why you're defending the behavior now. You say he needs to eat, yet you threw out his dinner as his only real punishment.
Like I said, figure out what you actually plan on doing to change your situation, or stop asking for advice and then pretending like no one else knows what they're talking about.