should i just forget about it?

My son's dad hasn't seen my son in 2 years. I was upset over something he's done and didn't call him. He never called either. I made an effort to rekindle some sort of relationship with his son last summer. At first everything was alright and he said he'll help out and then he just disappeared.
My question is: Should I contact him again ever and remind him he has son or should I just forget he ever existed?

Imo he isn't interested, so forget he ever existed.

<blockquote><b>Quoting momento mori:</b>" My son's dad hasn't seen my son in 2 years. I was upset over something he's done and didn't call him. ... [snip!] ... My question is: Should I contact him again ever and remind him he has son or should I just forget he ever existed?"</blockquote>




Your son is better off without him. He has a loving mother that's all he needs.

No. Your child needs a father. If you have to give a good stern talking to, you do it. You do it! Sometimes, being a parenting means you have to be the bigger person... even when you REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to be. Now if he continued to ignore every effort you made then there are limits ofcourse. But you don't ever stop with out trying your hardest. I know me, personally, would want to say that it was absolutely none of my fault and that I tried everything possible.

Quoting ♥GarciaMommy:" No. Your child needs a father. If you have to give a good stern talking to, you do it. You do it! Sometimes, ... [snip!] ... hardest. I know me, personally, would want to say that it was absolutely none of my fault and that I tried everything possible."

I've sort of thought about that, and I actually I have no problem in writing to him, but I'm afraid that it would achieve nothing but make me feel even worse than I feel now. He's got older kids from a previous relationship he has shared custody of and takes care of, so it's not like he doesn't understand what it's like to be a parent, etc.

He knows he has a kid. You don't need to remind him. He obviously just doesn't care. No need to expend the energy imo.

Quoting ♥GarciaMommy:" No. Your child needs a father. If you have to give a good stern talking to, you do it. You do it! Sometimes, ... [snip!] ... hardest. I know me, personally, would want to say that it was absolutely none of my fault and that I tried everything possible."

Uhm.. no. A child doesn't NEED a father, and he sure as hell doesn't need a father who could just drop him for 2 years without a care.

Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" He knows he has a kid. You don't need to remind him. He obviously just doesn't care. No need to expend the energy imo."

I know you're right. But I have such a difficult time accepting this. I feel like my IQ just drops by about 100 points when it comes to BD  

I was.in ur situation few years ago, I him alone, and always told my son about him, when he decided to come around, it was very hard for me to deal with, but u can't force some 1 to care, just because he *should* just because we do...
One day if he does,it will be his cross to bear not urs, My ex feels like smurf for how he handled it.

Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" I was.in ur situation few years ago, I him alone, and always told my son about him, when he decided to ... [snip!] ... just because we do... One day if he does,it will be his cross to bear not urs, My ex feels like smurf for how he handled it."

My son is about 3.5 now and he's never asked about his dad. I'm sure that sooner rather than later he would though. What should I tell him? What if asks to talk to him?

From my personal experience - if he doesn't want to be involved in your sons life now, I'd just let it be. When your son is older and wants to contact him - let him, but tell him he might not be there for you like, just like he wasn't there when you were little. My dad took off when I was 3 months old - I tried time after time since I was 14 [I'm now 28] to rekindle some sort of relationship. It was always one sided (of course, me)..... finally, two years ago, I offically cut the cord, and while it still hurts a lot - it was the best decision for not just myself, but my children. They don't deserve people to come in and out of their lives and confusing them!

<blockquote><b>Quoting momento mori:</b>" My son is about 3.5 now and he's never asked about his dad. I'm sure that sooner rather than later he would though. What should I tell him? What if asks to talk to him?"</blockquote>



Dean was about that age when he started asking, he noticed other kids at his school had guys come and pick his friends up, I just told him about him, showed him pixs of us, then I would say that he was so special he didn't need a daddy just yet, maybe one day I would find someone special enough for us,
Then I would show him family albums, of my fam, and remind him all these people love u, and tell him things like, not everyone has an uncle who rides a harley, and uncle andy rides a street bike, not everyone has a nini (his godmother) not everyone has a cool momma who has tattoos and is a nurse... He would start memorizing a bunch of things and go back and forth with me  

like the other posters said you cant force him. When your son asks about him all you can do is be honest. Say your dad is ______ and he lives/lived __________. We havent talked in a long time ect... My BD was gone for 12 years before he decided to contact the kids. My daughter (16) will talk to him through fb sometimes but my son (13) refuses to talk to him at all, which bd blames on me. Hopefully your sons dad will realize that his son needs him and step up

Quoting JennB987:" From my personal experience - if he doesn't want to be involved in your sons life now, I'd just let it ... [snip!] ... decision for not just myself, but my children. They don't deserve people to come in and out of their lives and confusing them!"

I grew up without a dad too and had a pretty similar experience. I contacted him once when I was 24 I think and he turned out to be exactly, if not worse, than how my mom described him. I can't say that I was overly hurt though. I just wish I could accept how everything happened with BD. We were together for a long time and he was always talking about how much he loves his kids....

Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting momento mori:</b>" My son is about 3.5 now and he's never asked ... [snip!] ... has a cool momma who has tattoos and is a nurse... He would start memorizing a bunch of things and go back and forth with me  "

That was pretty awesome of you