"We have a family" Sounds like an excuse to let them be dogs. I am no one's bitch. lol

I am my children's role model, and being with someone who disrespects me is not setting a good example.

I would forgive, but I would no longer be with him.

I always said I'd forgive him but now I'm about to divorce my husband for his drinking so I really don't kniw

I've dealt with it, and if he would've TOLD me he cheated, I would've been more forgiving, but I found out on my own, and had to fight him with threatening to leave to get him to stop. I tried my hardest to live with him after that, but things were never the same, and we're divorced now.

I could never forgive the person. Whatever the situation it just could never be forgiven.

But I also know a person who got divorced two years after her marriage was on the rocks. He never was faithful. He was also gay. She was a very patient woman who waited. And was willing to accept him back.

Quoting ℳary ℐane:" "We have a family" Sounds like an excuse to let them be dogs. I am no one's bitch. lol I am my children's role model, and being with someone who disrespects me is not setting a good example."

Understandable. I just think some people are more willing to divorce then work on marriages nowadays.
Like I said before, if DH lied about cheating and continued to lie and I found out on my own I would be gone before he even realized I found out. I couldn't imagine my daughter growing up watching her mom be a push over for her cheating POS father lol.
I think watching a parent be a pushover shows the child it's okay to be a pushover, or it makes them "harder" because they're afraid to be a pushover.

Quoting ℳonster's ℳom:" DH and I are the kinds of people that do the crazy "what if" scenarios and discuss how we would react ... [snip!] ... you right away, would you be more open to forgiving them versus them cheating and you finding out on your own way later on."

To me, cheating is unforgivable. This may sound terrible, but I would rather get hit than cheated on. That's how much I abhor adultery/infidelity.

Quoting ℳonster's ℳom:" Understandable. I just think some people are more willing to divorce then work on marriages nowadays. ... [snip!] ... be a pushover shows the child it's okay to be a pushover, or it makes them "harder" because they're afraid to be a pushover."

I am not one to throw away my relationship. I've had my ups & downs with my SO for almost 6 years. But, cheating? I would never be able to "get over it". I'd always think about it. So, the relationship would be over anyways.

I think it depends on the circumstances surrounding the cheating. If it was one time and he told me right away or I found out further down the line, and was really genuinely remorseful, I could forgive probably. I love him, he's my soulmate and my best friend and we have a family together and he's only human. Humans make mistakes. In history together so far he has earned a second chance from me. If it became habitual I would leave.

If I cheated (it would never happen) and I thought there was no way he would ever find out and i was truly remorseful, I dont think I would tell him. All I would be doing is trying to ease my guilt about the situation and causing him pain in the process. Telling him, IMO, would be like trying to fix a selfish move (cheating) with another selfish move (trying to feel better about cheating). I would just keep it to myself and try to improve from that place. I would imagine his thinking in keeping t from me would be similar so the timeline about whenit happens in relation to when I found out really doesn't matter.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Raωkeℓ:</b>" I feel like they never change, honestly. I know a man that was married for 6 years when he started ... [snip!] ... now and then, make him feel like smurf... he takes it, and our friendship continues. He knows I'll speak my mind. It's just sad."</blockquote>




Not all people who have cheated are like your friend though. And the old saying of once a cheater isn't true.

Quoting ℳary ℐane:" :/ that sucks."

It's actually not so bad. I know he loves me the same way, so I know he would never do that to me.

Quoting ℳary ℐane:" I am not one to throw away my relationship. I've had my ups & downs with my SO for almost 6 years. ... [snip!] ... But, cheating? I would never be able to "get over it". I'd always think about it. So, the relationship would be over anyways."

Kind of like always on your mind type thing. I could see how that would ruin the structure of a relationship. When my now DH cheated on me back when we were dating in high school it took a lot for us to move on but we did and I think it made us stronger. For the first two months I couldn't really even look at him without feeling sick. I couldn't get the images out of my head and was basically sabotaging myself by keeping everything he did at the front of my mind. Eventually we were able to get past it. It took a lot, but we did it.

Agr<blockquote><b>Quoting ℳonster's ℳom:</b>" Understandable. I just think some people are more willing to divorce then work on marriages nowadays. ... [snip!] ... be a pushover shows the child it's okay to be a pushover, or it makes them "harder" because they're afraid to be a pushover."</blockquote>




I agree with you 100%. If me and SO fight the first thing I do is wait untill DD is not around because I have seen my mother treated like smurf by men,beaten. My father treated me like smurf,beat me,cursed me,and now I take too much smurf from SO because of it. I am not blaming them by any means. I stay because I DO love him and out family and its not bad always,kwim? But I do believe if my mother had taught me to be stronger,in a relationship sense,I would have left SO a long time before we had kids. But now,my daughters will never see him treat me like smurf or anyone else.

Quoting Mother of One plus One:" Agr<blockquote><b>Quoting ℳonster's ℳom:</b>" Understandable. I just think ... [snip!] ... would have left SO a long time before we had kids. But now,my daughters will never see him treat me like smurf or anyone else."

I understand that one. My parents fought A LOT but my mother was never a push over with my father. She was however a push over with everybody other than him. She constantly had friends borrowing money and never returning it, stealing her medications and just emotionally abusing her. So I grew up thinking it was okay to be abrasive and (basically) a bitch 24/7 because if I showed weakness I was weak and would be taken advantage of.
It just goes to show how much nature and nurture really play into a person.

Ke <blockquote><b>Quoting ℳonster's ℳom:</b>" I understand that one. My parents fought A LOT but my mother was never a push over with my father. She ... [snip!] ... I was weak and would be taken advantage of. It just goes to show how much nature and nurture really play into a person."</blockquote>




Yep. Like you said,it could go either way. She could either be a push over or a hard ass. Lol.