How to catch a cheater?

Please don't quote.
I need help.
I think my SO isn't physically cheating, but is emotionally if that makes sense.
There's this girl at work he constantly talks about now.
He's been insanely distant from me and LO.
He got a warning from work of all places, saying that if he doesn't knock it off ( spending more time with her than working ) then he will be fired!
And last night was New Years Eve, and he ditched out on watching the ball drop with me, to spend New Years with three friends, and this chick...
Idk what to think... I don't want my marriage to end..
I just feel so hurt...

Catching "emotional cheating" is harder than catching a cheater. Have you asked him about her and stated your concerns?

Other than spying on his email, FB and text messages, I dunno....

To be honest, I wouldn't play that smurf.

I'd confront him about it, and voice my concerns. I personally wouldn't spend the time trying to catch him cheating. Your concerns are valid, but I would talk to him about it first and go from there. Good luck!

I ask him and he says they are just " close " friends.
And he deleted his Facebook, and I tried looking at his phone, but he won't let me near it.. and he has a passcode on it that I don't know the passcode....

Well, does he know you're uncomfortable with how "close" they are? I wouldn't care of my DH had a female friend, but when it starts interfering with his work and with family, then I wouldn't put up with it.

I ask him everyday... he won't talk to me.
and this girl he works with (the one i think he has feelings for now ) is also married.
but he tells me her husband is abusive and threatens her.
so she's scared to divorce. which is why i think it's secretive.
SO has been depressed lately and I keep asking him what's wrong, and he says " I did this to myself "

I'm so sorry sweety   my fiancé did this to me years ago and he didn't even realize he was Doing it. After she was out of our life I talked to him about it and he realized that is was emotional cheating.

There's not really any way to catch it unless he's texting or Messaging her online. But you really do need to talk to him about this NOW before it goes too far. If he's getting warnings at work(how did u know about the warning?) then it has gone too far and needs to be addressed. He is putting his family at risk. If he does not see that then idk what else to say   But really have a serious calm
Sit down and talk with him. I know it's hard sweety. He probably will get defensive. Most men do. But try to explain how his behavior is affecting you and his work and your Fam. Try to use "I" statements so he doesn't feel accused and shut down when talking to you. "I feel like your relationship with her is going to far" instead of "what you are doing is wrong!".

Well you have good reason to be hurt. I am not sure what real proof you need to leave but i wouldn't assume he hasnt physically cheated.. I mean he basically put her first last night.. I look at new years as the holiday you want to spend it with the person that you want to end the next year with.

Look at his cell phone bill. Me.. I would ask the girl why they ar2 getting in trouble at work. Does she KNOW yall are together. . I found out my husband took his ring off everyday before work and left it in the car. When he would come in sometimes with it off I would wonder. Chl

Lots of ways to find out. but I would make it perfectly clear to her that you are still together and are concerned about his ability to provide for your family. Try not to sound crazy paranoid bc he has probably aready fed her full of lies if something is going on.

Well, it's not his job to be her savior from a bad relationship. I'm sure he probably just maybe wants to be supportive, but it just sounds like a bad combo ( vulnerable girl probably in need of a listening ear, and a guy who is tying to help). But still, her situation and needs should not take precedent over your relationship.

He's been distant since he had a steak dinner with her at work.
( it was only for employees )
everytime I try to talk to him, and I have said I feel like you're relationship with her is going to far, he storms off. LO has a real bad diaper rash, and is sick. so I had SO change his diaper, and I gave LO a bottle to try to make him feel better ( wrong I know.. ) but SO got so mad at me, he threw his ring at me..
A few days ago he said he didn't know if he wanted to be with me or not..
and with last night, before he left, I was bawling my eyes out before he left because I wanted him with me, and I told him that, but he still went... he didn't even tell me she was going to be there.. he kept that from me, knowing I wouldn't allow it. he told me when he got home. he got home this morning at 5:00 and had to work again at 9 am. -.-
and everyone else at his work knows about me and his son, so i imagine she does.
and they are both porters at a hotel. she's night staff, so she starts at 4, and his shift ends at 5. a few nights ago he told me he wanted to switch to night staff...
I'm thinking of packing my son up and living with his mom..
( I'm not a citizen here, so I can't even work..)

oh and when he got into trouble with the supervisor, he was helping her make a bed. >.>
even though he had linen to bring down to laundry.

It's hard to say if he's got something going on with her or not, but it sure seems like it, and you certainly have every right to be concerned with what information you've shared! He definitely needs to get his priorities straight and make up his mind instead of leaving you clinging like he has. You don't throw your ring at someone and say you don't know you want to be with them or not and not discuss things with them and let them know why. Has he had a conversation with you as to what is bothering him...like why he doesn't know? And what exactly does he mean by he's "done this" to himself? That sounds like he might be more involved than just "close" friends.

I dont mean to sound rude if i do but by what your saying and explaining it sounds to me like your hubby doesnt want to be with you anymore but is to big of a coward to say anything to you. so hes pushing you away in hopes that you will just end things and he wont have to do anything.
Now i could be wrong but thats just what it sounds like to me.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mason'sMommy;:</b>" I ask him everyday... he won't talk to me. and this girl he works with (the one i think he has feelings ... [snip!] ... i think it's secretive. SO has been depressed lately and I keep asking him what's wrong, and he says " I did this to myself ""</blockquote>

  he needs to talk to you. He can't say stuff like that and not explain. Tell him you two shared vows in sickness and in health and depression is a sickness and you want to be there for him but can't be if he shuts you out. I suffer gro
Depression and while my feelings are often hard for SO to understand and he gets upset by it a lot, I have to tell him and keep him in the loop otherwise we grow apart. When I have shut him out in the past our relationship has suffered. If I keep him in the loop we became at our closest.