re: How to catch a cheater?

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Lindsey*(12 weeks):</b>" I dont mean to sound rude if i do but by what your saying and explaining it sounds to me like your hubby ... [snip!] ... that you will just end things and he wont have to do anything. Now i could be wrong but thats just what it sounds like to me."</blockquote>


That's what I was thinking too but wasn't sure how to explain it.

Quoting ✰ Mrs. B ✰:" It's hard to say if he's got something going on with her or not, but it sure seems like it, and you certainly ... [snip!] ... what exactly does he mean by he's "done this" to himself? That sounds like he might be more involved than just "close" friends."

I keep on asking him if he is cheating, physically, and he says no.
When I ask him why he doesn't know if he wants to be with me, he says he's confused and to give him a few days to think about it..
It feels like it's been ages and he won't talk to me... idk what to do....

DH pulled that smurf last summer. I asked him to delete her from his phone but all he did was put her under a different name. I called the chick, and asked her what was really going on and told her all the smurf he was pulling with me. Then I told him that he needed to figure out his smurf and really think about what's important to him. You don't have to put up with that. I know that you don't want to end your marriage but this is only beginning KWIM? You need to just put it blunt, don't give him an ultimatum but let him know how smurfed up it is and it needs to stop. You've got to stick up for yourself or he will just keep doing it and eventually take it to the next level. You deserve more than that. Good luck!

Do you have War of the Roses there??

He keeps picking little fights with me...
I don't know.. he put his ring on, but I took mine off.
I might move my stuff into LO's room and sleep in there with him..
I shouldn't have to feel second.
He got mad the other day for me not cleaning.
I have the flu, big time, and have a 11 month old to take care of all day...

If it were me, I'd let him know unless he talks to me about things then I'm leaving. It's not right for him to keep you hanging on like that waiting for him to talk to you about it for him to just further avoid the issues when a few days has passed...not sure if that's what's happening, but it's the impression I get from what information you've stated so far.

Quoting S U Z I E:" Do you have War of the Roses there??"

Do we have a what?

Quoting *Lindsey*(12 weeks):" I dont mean to sound rude if i do but by what your saying and explaining it sounds to me like your hubby ... [snip!] ... that you will just end things and he wont have to do anything. Now i could be wrong but thats just what it sounds like to me."

This is how I am reading into it. :/ I'm sorry, OP. But he really sounds like a douche. He knows it's causing problems, but he does nothing to fix it. A friend, female or male, should never be allowed to cause issues in a marriage.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Lindsey*(12 weeks):</b>" I dont mean to sound rude if i do but by what your saying and explaining it sounds to me like your hubby ... [snip!] ... that you will just end things and he wont have to do anything. Now i could be wrong but thats just what it sounds like to me."</blockquote>

While I feel this could be true, I do understand the depression side Of it. I have went Through these cycles myself personally. I've never replaced my SO with skmekne but I have emotionally and physically pushed him away. This is because I felt he would never be able to love me for who I was. I was ashamed with unselfish and my mental issues. And I had even let myself go to the place of Idk if I want to be with you. But it doesn't mean it can be worked out. We've stuck together and worked through our issues every step of the way. There are many times we could have called it quits. But we both agreed to be committed to one another. We aren't married but it doesn't mean we dont follow the traditional cows that we will exchange in a year hopefully. We always try to remember just because we aren't married doesn't mean we don't plan on saying the vows and that we still should be living by them.

Quoting ✰ Mrs. B ✰:" If it were me, I'd let him know unless he talks to me about things then I'm leaving. It's not right for ... [snip!] ... has passed...not sure if that's what's happening, but it's the impression I get from what information you've stated so far."

yeah that's what is happening...
I've told him I wanted to pack up and leave and actually go home
( back to america )
but he won't let me with my son....
so I can't go home.
I have no support here. only his mom.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Lindsey*(12 weeks):</b>" I dont mean to sound rude if i do ... [snip!] ... just because we aren't married doesn't mean we don't plan on saying the vows and that we still should be living by them."

I would understand the depression as well.
I was diagnosed with it.
But it's the fact that he kept on saying " I did this to myself " " You'll find out soon enough "
Like, wtf.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mason'sMommy;:</b>" I keep on asking him if he is cheating, physically, and he says no. When I ask him why he doesn't know ... [snip!] ... and to give him a few days to think about it.. It feels like it's been ages and he won't talk to me... idk what to do...."</blockquote>

It's almost like he wants his cake and to eat it too. He can string u along while he tries to figure out if things could work out with this girl. Like he may not be doing anything with her, but like waiting to see if she leaves her husband or not so he can decide to leave you. Its not fair at all. But he could be thinking "if she leave a him I can be with her, but if she doesn't leave him then I would be alone I left my marriage". He's not being fair to you at all  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mason'sMommy;:</b>" yeah that's what is happening... I've told him I wanted to pack up and leave and actually go home ( back ... [snip!] ... go home ( back to america ) but he won't let me with my son.... so I can't go home. I have no support here. only his mom."</blockquote>


Im not sure how things work between the 2 countries as far as marriage & custody goes, but you're your son's mother; don't let your husband manipulate and control you like that. If things aren't going to work out or you need a break from him ignoring the issues & placing you second to this girl, then do what you need to do. If he has a problem with it, let him know it's hopefully only temporary.

Quoting Mason'sMommy;:" I would understand the depression as well. I was diagnosed with it. But it's the fact that he kept on saying " I did this to myself " " You'll find out soon enough " Like, wtf."

I'd talk to someone and ask them about your rights concerning taking LO back to America. That's horsesmurf.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mason'sMommy;:</b>" He keeps picking little fights with me... I don't know.. he put his ring on, but I took mine off. I might ... [snip!] ... He got mad the other day for me not cleaning. I have the flu, big time, and have a 11 month old to take care of all day..."</blockquote>

If you want to save your marriage you can't give up. Giving up will only allow him to let you go. If you really do want to try to change things around and keep him you can't give up mama