re: what do you do? (vent. long.)

Quoting BC Mama:" He sounds just like my SO. When ever he does smurf like that I say I'm going to leave but never do. "

yeah i do too. i told him to smurf off and die tonight.   i know that's mean. but i am so angry... i'm sick of it always happening and i'm sick of not leaving when i say i'm going to. it's hard to go. it's hard to stay.

Quoting Tiff + 2[girls]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting MommaNoodle:</b>" my sister is about half an hour away. i'd ... [snip!] ... Seriously.. you dont need to put up with that douche. Don't keep giving him chances that he doesn't deserve."

i know. i know he doesn't really deserve them. sometimes i believe him and believe it's my fault. other times i just know it can't really be like that. i can't always be the one who messes it up. it's not always what i do. if he had just been normal first, it would have been fine. right?

Quoting iLL-Legal Alien:" You wake up and realize you have had enough and you deserve so much better. Instead of asking him, ask yourself: is this the life YOU want?"

 

My favorite Dr. Philism: Why are you waiting around for HIM to decide what you're gonna do with YOUR life!?

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommaNoodle:</b>" i know. i know he doesn't really deserve them. sometimes i believe him and believe it's my fault. other ... [snip!] ... be the one who messes it up. it's not always what i do. if he had just been normal first, it would have been fine. right?"</blockquote>



Honestly I don't see how you would be in the wrong at all. He's the one being a total tool and by the sound of it, this stuff happens all the time. If you stay with him, this is how your life will be. I know its hard to think about actually leaving but would you rather have a happy life or a miserable one with someone who has no respect for you?

Quoting Tiff + 2[girls]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting MommaNoodle:</b>" i know. i know he doesn't really deserve ... [snip!] ... think about actually leaving but would you rather have a happy life or a miserable one with someone who has no respect for you?"

yeah, i'd rather be happy. i'm gonna have to deal with him for, like ever, though. and i know how he is with his ex who is his daughter's mom. it's going to suck.

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommaNoodle:</b>" yeah, i'd rather be happy. i'm gonna have to deal with him for, like ever, though. and i know how he is with his ex who is his daughter's mom. it's going to suck. "</blockquote>


I know how that is. My newest addition is 11 days old and her father is already trying to cause drama. I sure knew how to pick the losers lol but from now on I'm not going to just jump into relationships. I'm just going to focus on my kids.

Anyways, even though you have to deal with him for life, you may find a man who will treat you the way you deserve and actually make you happy.

Smurf that. I'd have been gone months ago.

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommaNoodle:</b>" lol, for me it does! i shaved it all and took a shower. it's not as easy as it was when i wasn't 27 weeks pregnant, haha."</blockquote>




Lol I know what you mean. I haven't shaved in ages because, to be honest, at 32 weeks pregnant, I haven't been able to see my vagina for three weeks, let alone trying to get to my legs.

Quoting Kelly-Ann Louise:" <blockquote><b>Quoting MommaNoodle:</b>" lol, for me it does! i shaved it all and ... [snip!] ... to be honest, at 32 weeks pregnant, I haven't been able to see my vagina for three weeks, let alone trying to get to my legs."

lol, it was a lot of work! i wouldn't have bothered if i knew this was how it would all turn out.... oh, well.

I think before leaving, you should exhaust the last option of sitting him down and telling him all of the above, in a non confrontational way.

Explain to him what you wanted, and why and why it upset you when things didn't go according to your plan. (To be honest, I'd have put it forth to him that I wanted to go out, by say 8, but really expect him to get done by 10)

Tell him that the disappointments have just become too much and it's upsetting you to a point where you're ready to call it quits..

Quoting Tasha & Nika:" I think before leaving, you should exhaust the last option of sitting him down and telling him all of ... [snip!] ... him that the disappointments have just become too much and it's upsetting you to a point where you're ready to call it quits.."

i can try that. but he isn't always very receptive to talking things out. usually when we do, i start to cry because i get emotional, and he will not want to continue because me crying, to him, is me freaking out. he will not talk to me if i cry, and i get frustrated and cry more because i cry when i am sad, frustrated, angry, etc. i have tried before to write it out to him and give him that to look at, but... he will have no response, if he even reads it. so, i'm not really sure how to talk to him. but i would like to.

Quoting MommaNoodle:" i can try that. but he isn't always very receptive to talking things out. usually when we do, i start ... [snip!] ... at, but... he will have no response, if he even reads it. so, i'm not really sure how to talk to him. but i would like to. "

I understand his point - it's hard to talk to someone who is breaking down, emotionally. But if that's a part of your personality, then it's not exactly your fault, but maybe do what you can to remain composed.. Which is of course, is easier said than done. Maybe cry it out with a friend beforehand?

I think writing things down, and reading it out to him would be another option..

I definitely believe you two should talk, and you need to be open about your expectations, wants and wishes.. as well as what makes you sad, angry or disappointed.. likewise for him.

He needs to explain why he felt his snowmobile needed to take up the whole night, why he didn't realize you had smething special in mind, if maybe, next time he'd prefer a reminder or more definite plans ..etc

Quoting Tasha & Nika:" I understand his point - it's hard to talk to someone who is breaking down, emotionally. But if that's ... [snip!] ... why he didn't realize you had smething special in mind, if maybe, next time he'd prefer a reminder or more definite plans ..etc"

it's definitely just part of my personality. if i am not pregnant, i might be able to keep it together a little longer, but being pregnant, i cry at the drop of a hat. so, i know talking isn't going to get me anywhere. just thinking about it all makes me bawl.

i'm not sure what i should start with. should i just keep it to this incidence? should i refrain from any of the past stuff that is so similar? i know a lot of times i do the "always" and "never" stuff. like, "this always happens..." or "you never do that...." i know those kind of things shouldn't be said because they don't help situations, but... i don't know how else to word it. because last night happened and made me upset, but it is just one of the many times. i feel like this is always what we fight about. it goes the same way every time. we're supposed to have plans. i wait and wait and wait. finally, i try to figure out where he is, what's going on, etc. when i find him doing something else, i get angry. he tells me he was going to do X (be it come home soon, invite me out soon, etc.). but then once i am there and pissed, his logic is "i had plans, but forget it now because you're being a bitch". then i leave because i'm mad. but i still want to talk to yell or cry or whatever. and i also want to fix it and have the night we were supposed to. but since i reacted the way i did, he stays away, ignores my calls or texts, and then that's it. i stay upset because nothing is resolved. he goes to sleep because he is drunk and/or doesn't want to talk or listen to me or whatever it is. then the next day he usually pretends like nothing happened. that's how it goes. i have even told him how to fix it. because in there somewhere he always says, "well, i have tried and tried but nothing ever works and you always just get mad at me so i don't know what to do to fix it." i tell him to just talk to me instead of staying away to spite me or because i supposedly did the wrong thing. just come back and talk to me... he never does what i say to do, even though he is supposedly at a loss for how to make it better. i told him how. i told him the one thing i cannot deal with is when he won't talk to me.

and this morning, to try to still be nice, i tried waking him up because i knew he had something important to do. but he wouldn't get up. his alarm went off 3 times. he got up and turned it off himself all 3 times. aside from that, i tried waking him (saying, 'wake up, wake up. it's such and such time.." or tapping him, or poking him or shaking him). he would talk to me, but not wake up for real. i went back to sleep a few times. at one point he told me to stop poking him because it "freaked him out". but finally i got up and went downstairs to have lunch. he came down a little bit later and was all pissed off, saying, "well, now i'm screwed and blah blah blah". i told him i tried, and he said, 'i told you to stop poking me but not to stop trying to wake me up." i said, "how do i wake you up? i don't know how..." he said, "i don't know, but not that." i said i was sorry and obviously it is all my fault because i couldn't wake him up good enough. because this is another thing. i can't wake him up, it is next to impossible, and when he is late, it is always my fault because i didn't get him up on time.

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommaNoodle:</b>" and this morning, to try to still be nice, i tried waking him up because i knew he had something important ... [snip!] ... i can't wake him up, it is next to impossible, and when he is late, it is always my fault because i didn't get him up on time. "</blockquote>


Screw that.
He is a grown man, he can wake himself up! You're not there to be his mommy, you are his partner, his EQUAL!
You don't need to take this crap from him, and it is serious, what he is doing I wrong.
You wouldn't let a complete stranger talk to you like that, you'd tell them to f#@k right off.
So don't let the person who is meant to love you the most treat you like that.. its even worse