re: How old were you....

Quoting Talena_caro:" I wonder why there is such a lot of teen marriages in America?"d

We do have the highest teen pregnancy rate of any developed country and a lot of people still believe you shouldn't bring a child into the world out of wedlock. I've known several girls who got pregnant and their families more or less threatened to cut them off financially and emotionally if they didn't "do the right thing" and get married.

It has to do with image but it also has to do with the fact that a lot of people genuinely believe raising a child inside a marriage is truly the better option. Unfortunately you get all of these super young, ill-prepared people getting hitched and it often becomes a disaster (not always but definitely more often than not) because of their age and the added stress of having a baby. Having a child is difficult for anyone but add the fact that a lot of these kids are still finding and establishing themselves and you have a really stressful situation that often ends in divorce.

I'm a few days shy of 25, my husband is 29, and we have friends between my age and about age 40 (which I still consider pretty young in the grand scheme of things). It's really sad that despite how young we are we already know TONS of people who are getting divorced. I can't count the number of female friends I have who had at least one divorce under their belt by the age of 25 and every single one of them got married between 18 and 21. Was it solely because of their age? Probably not. But the fact of the matter is people change A LOT during that time period and adding a baby and a marriage to the mix really makes for a crazy situation. I can't even begin to imagine getting pregnant at a young age, let alone getting married. I was nowhere near mentally mature enough to even comprehend what either of those things fully entails and most young people aren't.

I think teen marriage (or young marriage in general) can work IF you and your spouse grow at the same rate and grow together instead of apart. I think the big reason why my marriage has lasted 8 years is because when we mature, we mature together. We had about a 6 month period where he was behind me and it was awful; we nearly separated, but we're on solid ground again. We worked through it.

Quoting Dr. Temperance Brennan:" I think teen marriage (or young marriage in general) can work IF you and your spouse grow at the same ... [snip!] ... period where he was behind me and it was awful; we nearly separated, but we're on solid ground again. We worked through it."

Of course it can (and does) work but the truth of the matter is it usually doesn't. Congratulations on your marriage lasting eight years, that is definitely a great feat considering the state of marriage in general at this point in time. Unfortunately you're the exception and not the rule when it comes to young marriages. Studies prove time and time again that people who get married young are way more likely to end up divorced (and that's on top of a more than 50% divorce rate in the U.S. to begin with). It's completely reasonable to suggest that well over half of young marriages (21 and below) won't last more than a few years in most cases. That's not to say it doesn't happen because it definitely does--my grandparents married at 18 after dating since age 12 and they stayed together for almost 70 years before my grandfather died--but that's definitely a rarity (plus people who got married at that point in time are less likely to get divorced based on the fact that the culture was entirely different back then; their mindset concerning marriage is often entirely different in the way that people from that generation usually don't even consider divorce an option).

In summation, not all young people who get married will get divorced but many of them will.

Quoting Raptor Jesus:" Of course it can (and does) work but the truth of the matter is it usually doesn't. Congratulations on ... [snip!] ... even consider divorce an option). In summation, not all young people who get married will get divorced but many of them will. "

I'm not saying they won't. I just think that a lot of marriages like mine end because when the couple gains maturity of the self, their marriage ends up suffering because the self-maturity does not align with the marriage or relationship. I'm the only person amongst my friends who has maintained the same relationship since high school. I know I'm an anomaly.

Quoting Talena_caro:" I wonder why there is such a lot of teen marriages in America?"

I don't know why most do it, but speaking for myself, I was pressured into it. I never wanted to get married, but my parents wouldn't let me come home, I had nowhere to go. It was either get married or be homeless in a state 18 hours away from home. If I was to get married I didn't want to for at LEAST 4 or so years- but the section 8 apartment we (my boyfriend and I) lived in pressured me, the apartment manager said that people were complaining that we were living together unmarried (in north carolina) so we HAD to get married within 30 days or the manager would kick me out...I had nowhere to go, and I was scared, and at 17, I just took their word for it and got married so I could have a home to live in. It sucked. I knew it was a mistake, but I had no support from anyone, so I just went through with it. I knew it would end in divorce eventually, And it did in March- 5 years later. If I ever get married again, it won't be until I'm at LEAST 30 or older.

Quoting ~*~Modern*Day*Delilah~*~:" I don't know why most do it, but speaking for myself, I was pressured into it. I never wanted to get ... [snip!] ... eventually, And it did in March- 5 years later. If I ever get married again, it won't be until I'm at LEAST 30 or older."

Your story breaks my heart....I never understood people who put their morals/image before their child's happiness and well-being. Im SO sorry you and through that, but Im SO glad you got through it.

Quoting Big Booty Heaux™:" Your story breaks my heart....I never understood people who put their morals/image before their child's happiness and well-being. Im SO sorry you and through that, but Im SO glad you got through it."

Unfortunately, I ended up meeting my ex on the internet when I was only 14/15, and he was far older...I was groomed over time, and ended up with him because I was kicked out of my home...It was all just a big mess, and my parents didn't care- they turned their backs on me. SO here I am today lol

Thank you   Well, I got my beautiful daughter out of it, and I've grown up a lot since then....so it wasn't a complete loss. I'm just focusing on ME now, finally. Once DD is in Kindergarten (or full day pre-k) next year, I will be going to college and continuing my education. While I was in the middle of the divorce, I went back to school and got my GED- it was long overdue, but I wanted to get it under my belt before I turned 23. Plus it was nice having something else to focus on to take my mind off the divorce. The ex never wanted me to get my GED, or go to college or have a life of any sort outside the kitchen, thank God I got out when I did...and I'm still PLENTY young enough to get what I want accomplished.

I was two weeks shy of 20. I wish I had waited longer, not because of maturity, just to make our relationship a little better.

First at 19. Divorced at 21.

Then at 24.

Yes. I feel like my age matched my maturity level.

Quoting the grace life:" I still think we have a long ways to go until we can be some stellar success story, but we're coming ... [snip!] ... to 7 years of marriage (11 years of "together") I think that 99.99999% of people who get married at 19 are flat out insane! "

My parents were married at 19/20 and my mom was 5 months pregnant.
They just celebrated their 43rd anniversary and they are just as madly in love as ever.
So sometimes it's more brilliant than insane.   I was at their place last night and my mom was showing their "wedding album" to my sil - it's a tiny photo album with maybe 20 pictures of the few people who gathered at my grandparents' house after the ceremony. My dad looked at it for the first time in about 15 years, walked over to my mom and gave her the sweetest kiss ever. The love they have is truly magical. Makes me jealous, lol. I love dh, but it isn't quite like that.

Quoting Stfu Shirley:" My parents were married at 19/20 and my mom was 5 months pregnant. They just celebrated their 43rd anniversary ... [snip!] ... the sweetest kiss ever. The love they have is truly magical. Makes me jealous, lol. I love dh, but it isn't quite like that."

That is so sweet.

This sounds so cheesy, but I feel like DH and I were 100% made to be put together - if that makes sense. We're just better together. I know I'm the glue that holds him together, and I don't think a lot of women really *know* that, from the bottom of their hearts, about their spouses. We're just better together, and I know that we'll make the choice to love one another even when it feels like it is too hard.

Quoting Big Booty Heaux™:" When you got married?? And do you feel as if your age matched where you were mentally and emotionally at that time...."

I will be 26 when we get married... and I am SOOO glad I didn't get married younger.

The guy I wanted to marry when I was younger would have been a huge mistake, at 19-22 I didn't know what I REALLY needed in a husband.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~*~Modern*Day*Delilah~*~:</b>" I don't know why most do it, but speaking for myself, I was pressured into it. I never wanted to get ... [snip!] ... eventually, And it did in March- 5 years later. If I ever get married again, it won't be until I'm at LEAST 30 or older."</blockquote>




A section 8 APARTMENT MANAGER pressured you!??!? SURELY he's seen worse things than an unmarried couple living together!! WTF!? :-/

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~*~Modern*Day*Delilah~*~:</b>" Unfortunately, I ended up meeting my ex on the internet when I was only 14/15, and he was far older...I ... [snip!] ... sort outside the kitchen, thank God I got out when I did...and I'm still PLENTY young enough to get what I want accomplished. "</blockquote>




Yes, you have PLENTY of time for success! Good for you, sweetie, I'm proud of you!!  

Quoting S U Z I E:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ~*~Modern*Day*Delilah~*~:</b>" Unfortunately, I ended up meeting ... [snip!] ... accomplished. "</blockquote> Yes, you have PLENTY of time for success! Good for you, sweetie, I'm proud of you!!  "

Thank you  

Yeah, she said they were getting a ton of complaints about me living there with him unmarried, and in order to appease everyone, she told me I needed to get married within 30 days or move out (We were in north carolina, and everyone in town was insanely religious- I think that had a lot to do with it). I don't think it was legal at all...and I was totally pressured into it, but I was 17, and 18 hours away from home- in a state I'd never been to- and I had no choice. It was rough.