How do you/Suicidal Mother?

This is long, please do not quote.

My mother is Bipolar, she was diagnosed long before I was born and has been off her medication for about a year now. In this past year she has talked about killing herself often, she brings it up every months, if not more often. She also struggles with pain, she has Fibromyalgia and Rhumatoid Arthritis, which is hardly being treated.

On Christmas my aunt called me to ask if I had spoken to my mother, I did, but only for a short time since I was busy with dinner. But, I did speak to her the day before. Her fiance and her got into an argument. He told her that he was planning to move them to CO in a few months, which turned out to be a lie. This isn't the first time he has lied to her about stuff to keep her calm since my mother so desperately wants to move out of AL. According to her the healthcare is smurf in AL and she wants to either move to Maryland (where we are from) or...anywhere else, but AL.

According to my aunt my mother said that if our cousin turned her, my mother, away (from moving in back in MD) that she would walk out in front of a train. One Christmas Eve my mother told me that she wanted to kill herself, but told me not to worry and that she wouldn't. This is how it often goes. She says she is going to kill herself, but tells me not to worry and that she wouldn't do that to me.

A few months ago I noticed she was talking about suicide on FB and I approached her about it. In a comment, that she wasn't aware I could see, she said that if the doctor didn't come through for her in Oct that she would kill herself. Shortly after, while we spoke, she brought up her appointment coming soon in October and I asked her what if this doctor can not help you. I can't recall her response, but she didn't mention suicide. That is when I told her that I saw the talk about suicide and she immediately became defensive. I don't believe that I was rude when I approached her, I was concerned and trying my hardest to express that in the kindest way possible.

Now back to the present, the cousin she had first approached turned her away, but another cousin told my aunt that she would love my mother to move in. My mother is now attempting to find inpatient treatment so she can start medication again, but is now not sure about moving to Maryland. Today, when her and I spoke, I asked if she had plans of moving in with our cousin and she said that she isn't sure because that side of the family doesn't understand pain, and with her complications she can't just up and go like they would expect her to.

Now...that pissed me off. Between the constant threats of suicide and my mother crying that all of our family has turned their backs on her it is becoming repetitive and annoying.

Since I am betting that my mother doesn't go to Maryland I am trying to gather the best way to talk to her about how these suicide threats are becoming too much. I understand that one talk isn't going to solve everything and I am aware that she needs proper treatment, but I clearly have no idea how to approach her since she bites my head off every time.

The last time, the doctor/october incident, I told her that I felt she needed to reach out to a therapist down there just so she could have someone to talk to and perhaps that the therapist could direct my mother to so programs to help her get into her own place. Without mentioning medication, just hoping that would tie in on its own. When she became defensive about me expressing my concern about her talking of suicide on FB and just in general, she also told me that my father really smurfed me up. Since she was telling me that she would never do that to me (kill herself), I told her that is exactly what my father said to me 12 hours before he hanged himself. I don't understand how I am supposed to talk to her when she makes me out to sound like I am the one with the problem, not her. I've gotten to the point where I told my aunt that I am sick of hearing the bullsmurf and she, my mother, needs to either piss or get off the pot at this point. Not kill herself, but get help. And call me selfish, but it really pissed me off that my mother picked Christmas to start making these threats once again. My father killed himself on Thanksgiving and I was just waiting for my mother to take Christmas. I know that sounds cold of me to say, but I am just so sick of trying to figure out how to have a relationship with my mother.

Sadly I've told her "There's a knife in the kitchen, don't smurf up."

ETA: I stopped hearing that stupid smurf.

You need to stop trying to push relationships on people who have done nothing but let you down. Your life would be a lot less stressful.

Don't entertain the drama bullsmurf. If she talks about suicide, call the police and have her put on a psyche hold for 72 hours every time. Maybe she'll knock it off.

And not taking her medicine is her CHOOSING to not have healthy relationships with those around her.

I'm sorry, I know that's hard. My mom is BP off medication as well, and was in a relationship for over 10 years with a man who was also BP. It was rough, so I understand.

The best you can do for her is to have her put under observation. Maybe you can talk to her fiance and see if he would work you on it. It would be easier if you have help from someone who is around her. It's scary because there is always the fear that you might push her over the edge by trying to help  

No advice. Im also bipolar, im taking my meds but pregnancy and folic acid makes me meds less effective and not going to lie. Ive been crying and have had some terrible thoughts all night. When somebody is in this episode phase you cant connect with them.

I guess the reason why I haven't given up is because as a child I did. These suicide threats have been going on since I was at least 10, that I can remember. I didn't understand depression, I didn't understand why my mother was locking herself in her room. I just saw that my mother wasn't there, emotionally. I am nervous that if I turn my back on her that she will just go through with it and I am afraid if I approach her then it will continue to piss me off.

I am in Texas and she is in Alabama, is it possible for me to have her committed or would that still be her choice? I have thought about it before, but I feel like what is the point? My mother has gone to the psych ward more times than I can remember, at least 5 since I was 10. She goes in, stays on the meds, gets out, and we get right back to here.

My mom is a LOT like this. She brings up stupid smurf all the time. She instant message people about how she wants to kill herself and has a plan blah blah blah had a date set and all this crap. She's biploar and has Fibromyalgia as well. I'm also pretty certain she has narcissistic personality disorder because EVERYTHING has to be about her, her pain, how she's affected.

I've honestly gotten to the point I just roll my eyes and say "Whatever mom" to her. I mean it sounds mean, but if she's gonna do it I can't stop her, and if she isn't she's just doing it to attention seek which she does a LOT. I mean hell she made us losing 2 children all about HER and how she was in pain. So it's a no win.

I'm sorry you're going through that, I know it sucks.

I feel like that is the point I am getting to, just tell her whatever and she needs to do whatever she sees fit to do. I smurfed either way. I reach out to her then I'm an smurf. If I don't deal with it then I don't understand and never have.

The funny thing is, is that when my mother talks about another's depression she will really focus on the point that it isn't just a personal issue it is a family issue. But then when I apply that to her I am clueless and selfish. Smurf me, right?

There comes a point when, as mean as it sounds, someone is a hopeless case. It's hard to realize this when you're that close. I've gotten to the point that I appreciate my mother, and love her for her good things, BUT I can't wait to get away from this state because I'm tired of having been her mother my whole life. Basically if my mom can't throw money at it, it's not something she can handle.