Feeling bad about kid's age difference RANT

When I had my son in August 2009 via c section my doc advised me to wait 2 years to have another one. I thought at the time that was exactly what I wanted to do. We were doing good financially until our son reached 2 years old. We were forced to move (Army) and accumulated lots of other bills. We could barely afford to give our 2 year old a bday party but managed and we had one at the house with lots of games and food, since no one showed up to his first party. About 6 months later things were getting better, we paid off a lot of debt and had $$ left over now from paychecks. Finally, a month before he turned 3 I got off the Pill. 4 months later, we conceived. Our next child will likely have the same birthday as him, if not a few days difference. Our first will be 4 when it's born. I look at other moms who had babies in 2009 or 2010 and already had one in 2011 or 2012 I feel like a failure. I didn't want 4 yr gap I wanted 2 or 3, max. I feel like my kids still won't have anything in common because of the gap. I don't want a third because I do insist on waiting 18m-2 yrs before TRYING (considering finances are right) and that would make a 6 or 7 yr gap between the first and last child. I am excited about this pregnancy but because of the gap they won't ever go to the same school except for one year in elementary (K and 5th grade) End Rant.

I'd trade if I could. Having four years with your first child alone sounds awesome to me. We wanted about a 3.5 year difference, but we'll be getting a 27 month difference, and for me it makes me really sad that soon my time alone with my sweet girl will be gone.

That's how I feel. DD was was born July 2009 and this one August/ September 2013. I never wanted them this far apart but life happened and it sucks.

<blockquote><b>Quoting RushLimbaugh:</b>" When I had my son in August 2009 via c section my doc advised me to wait 2 years to have another one. ... [snip!] ... but because of the gap they won't ever go to the same school except for one year in elementary (K and 5th grade) End Rant. "</blockquote>




Sorry this happened this way... But I have a sister who is less than 2 years younger than me and one who is almost 4 years younger than me and I am very close with the youngest one. We have a ton in common. Not I. Elementary school, but once she started high school we got close. They will still love each other and all that.  

I'm 3 years older than my sister and 6 years older than my brother. My brother and I are a lot closer than my sister and I.


OT- you're right down the street from me! I go to leander all the time  

Quoting awesomebrandi:" I'd trade if I could. Having four years with your first child alone sounds awesome to me. We wanted about ... [snip!] ... be getting a 27 month difference, and for me it makes me really sad that soon my time alone with my sweet girl will be gone."

Aww I understand at least there is guilt going both ways. Maybe it's never really perfect, too close or too far apart.

Quoting awesomebrandi:" I'd trade if I could. Having four years with your first child alone sounds awesome to me. We wanted about ... [snip!] ... be getting a 27 month difference, and for me it makes me really sad that soon my time alone with my sweet girl will be gone."

I never did understand this concept. Your 2nd and 3rd etc wont get ANY alone time, so why do people feel it necessary to spend so long with the first one and then get upset when it's cut short? I love having my kids close together and we are planning this next one to have the same gap as the others

Quoting L&B +1:" I never did understand this concept. Your 2nd and 3rd etc wont get ANY alone time, so why do people ... [snip!] ... when it's cut short? I love having my kids close together and we are planning this next one to have the same gap as the others"

Well because each human is different and has different emotions and feelings that are valid. I respect how the OP feels and the fact she feels differently. Don't be a smurfing bitch ass about it. I'm glad you like popping out babies like a vending machine, good for you.

Quoting awesomebrandi:" Well because each human is different and has different emotions and feelings that are valid. I respect ... [snip!] ... differently. Don't be a smurfing bitch ass about it. I'm glad you like popping out babies like a vending machine, good for you."

Holy crap. Someone mustve gotten up on the wrong side of the bed today  

Quoting RushLimbaugh:" When I had my son in August 2009 via c section my doc advised me to wait 2 years to have another one. ... [snip!] ... but because of the gap they won't ever go to the same school except for one year in elementary (K and 5th grade) End Rant. "

my oldest and youngest are 7 years apart... and my closest kids. My baby adores her older brother.. (she's almost 4).. we joke that she's more his child than mine. my kids who are 2 years apart... hate each other. I swear they cannot be in the same room for 3 minutes without fighting. it'll be ok mama. really.

4 year gap mihg tnot be what you wanted...but you were responsible... and it's better than being broke and having kids on food stamps that you cannot support. They're far enough apart that they'll get along most of the time.

Quoting Manda❤Alayna:" I'm 3 years older than my sister and 6 years older than my brother. My brother and I are a lot closer than my sister and I. OT- you're right down the street from me! I go to leander all the time  "

That's cool! I love CP esp. since you got Del Taco now! LOL I'm a CA native that's why.

I guess I am transferring my exp. with my own siblings onto my children. I have 3 sisters, 2 are twins and the other one came 18 months later. They are within 2 years of eachother. Went to all the same schools and had the same friends and interests. Here I am, 5 years after the youngest one of them! They didn't want me playing with them, messing up their games, etc... I still don't really talk to them but they are super close to each other.

Quoting RushLimbaugh:" When I had my son in August 2009 via c section my doc advised me to wait 2 years to have another one. ... [snip!] ... but because of the gap they won't ever go to the same school except for one year in elementary (K and 5th grade) End Rant. "

My mom's oldest is 4 years older than her youngest and she tells me again and again she never wouldve had it any other way. Mine are all 18 months apart and theyre all babies together and some days I feel like I have triplets, where my mom got 4 years to get through the baby stage and then only had one baby at a time. She loved it that way and you never know if they will be close or not. My sister and I are 7 years apart and VERY close! My brother and I are 4 years apart and were also very close growing up. You cant always control things like that and you will be a lot less stressed only having one little baby at a time lol. Congrats mama!

It'll be fine sweetie. My kids will be 5 yrs apart. It happens. Life happens. I wanted a two-three yr age gap. But it doesn't always work that way. Just think of the positives. Your son is old enough to understand having a new LO. Old enough to help. Old enough to be protective of the baby even as they get older. my mom is closest with her sister who is 15 yrs younger than her than she is the sister who is a little over a year younger.

Honestly mine are almost four years apart and I love it!!!! DD can entertain herself, feed herself, go to the bathroom herself thus allowing me more time with the baby. And they love each other! My sister is four years older than me and we are and always were best friends. Age has nothing to do with the closeness of siblings, it's how you as parents raise your kids.

Quoting snglemama:" my oldest and youngest are 7 years apart... and my closest kids. My baby adores her older brother.. ... [snip!] ... broke and having kids on food stamps that you cannot support. They're far enough apart that they'll get along most of the time."

Sometimes I think the 2 year age gap is the hardest for kids because they feel they have to compete with each other. My 3 1/2 yr old and my 2 year old are at each other's throats a lot these days...they are both at the same point in their lives and they drive each other crazy fighting over everything. A 5 year old isnt going to want all the 1 yr old's toys and I think they get along better that way!