If you love someone let them free

Say your partner really really wanted a big family, and for recently diagnosed health reasons you're unlikely to be able to provide that anymore. Also say that those same health reasons made intimacy almost impossible between the two of you for months, you've tried couples counselling and counselling for the condition but there's nothing that can really be done.
Even though they say they're happy and still love you, you know that they're miserable and deserve better.

Would you let them go or be selfish and hold on?

I'd let them go if that's what they wanted.

Honestly... I would probably try to hold on.

I mean, I'd tell them that if they wanted to leave and find someone else, I wouldn't stop them... but in my heart, I'd be hoping that they didn't want to. Like I wouldn't push them to leave. Ya know?

Just one of those things you say but don't expect to be taken seriously.

If they did not want to be with me, I would let them go. If they wanted to be with me regardless, well then you got a keeper.

Quoting Twin's Mommy:" I'd let them go if that's what they wanted."

and if they said they didn't want to go anywhere but its obvious they're miserable?

Quoting The Master:" and if they said they didn't want to go anywhere but its obvious they're miserable?"

That's tough. I wouldn't want to hold anyone back from what they've always wanted, especially if I couldn't give it to them.

I'd hate to hold them back if they were just "saying" they didn't want to leave, but actions showed otherwise.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Master:</b>" and if they said they didn't want to go anywhere but its obvious they're miserable?"</blockquote>


Maybe you think it's obvious that they're miserable, but it's silly to assume if they say otherwise. Maybe it seems as though they are miserable now because they are still processing the information but in the long run they know they want to be with you and that's what matters.

Quoting Twin's Mommy:" That's tough. I wouldn't want to hold anyone back from what they've always wanted, especially if I couldn't ... [snip!] ... it to them. I'd hate to hold them back if they were just "saying" they didn't want to leave, but actions showed otherwise."

and what about the intimacy? How long would you expect them to go without sex before cracks would start to appear?

Quoting The Master:" and what about the intimacy? How long would you expect them to go without sex before cracks would start to appear?"

Before DH & I got married we had this discussion. If it were a medical reason to cause intimacy to end, that wouldn't be a reason to be "done" for us.

Now, if one of us was just withholding sex obviously that's a different story.

You can't make the decision for him. Only he can and if he says he still loves & wants to be with you, I wouldn't call it selfish but I'd hold on to the relationship. I'd just try extra hard to make both of us happy. If nothing worked then yes, I'd let him go.

Quoting The Master:" and if they said they didn't want to go anywhere but its obvious they're miserable?"

I think I would sit down with my SO and have a very frank conversation. I'd explain what he's doing that makes me think he's miserable and let him know that I don't want that for him. I'd tell him he can go, and if that's what he decided he wanted, I'd let him. Because I wouldn't want him to be unhappy, but if he wanted to stick by me through whatever this is, I wouldn't walk away from him because deep down, I wouldn't want him to go either. Life happens, it is not always perfect and it rarely goes how you plan. Sometimes it's messy and sometimes it is downright terrible. It's how you pull each other through the bad days that makes your relationship that much stronger. I would ask him what I can do to make things better. You may not be able to give him a big family by conventional means, but there are other avenues that you can consider. Adopt, take on foster children, surrogacy. Also, sex is not the be all end all of intimacy. Intimacy is about being close to one another. Share a bubble bath, massage each other, cuddle, make out like your teenagers again. If you can't do penetrative sex but you still want to please him sexually, there are other things you can do for him. I don't know what your health issue is, but discuss ways you can work around it. Is it physically not possible for you to have sex or is it just that you don't feel like it? If you just don't feel like it, why? (You don't have to answer me, I more mean ask yourself.) Once you figure out what that is, ask yourself what he can do to make it easier on you, assuming you want to attempt to get some kind of a sex life back and are willing to try to. And don't misunderstand, I get that this is an illness and that it's not your fault. But don't expect him to hold the relationship together by himself, kwim? Work together to see what you can do to make you BOTH happy.

Quoting Derpy the Duck:" I think I would sit down with my SO and have a very frank conversation. I'd explain what he's doing that ... [snip!] ... expect him to hold the relationship together by himself, kwim? Work together to see what you can do to make you BOTH happy. "

I have increasingly bad psoriasis and severe psoratic arthritis. I'm on high level steroid and anti-inflammatory meds but have been putting off methatrexate for 18 months in the hope of having another child. It is HIGHLY unlikely I'll be able to make it through another 18 months without it, yet with our financial situation being the way it is (we've both started new careers). Having a child now is unlikely. Methatrexate will not only ruin my liver and kidneys, it will most likely make me infertile as well. On top of all that it will only delay the inevitable of putting me in a wheelchair.
Sex is agonizing for me. I have welts all over my body especially on my genitals that causes my skin to crack, bleed, and become infected. The steroidal creams only work for a very limited time and never relieve the symptoms enough to make sex comfortable. Its likely that the methatrexate will relieve the symptom, but the side affects of the drug itself are the same as chemotherapy (which is what it is). I tried a small dose for three weeks before my arthritis hit just to help with my welts, and I was so extremely ill it put me in hospital and they had to take me off of it. Psycholosporin which is the other drug used to relieve my disorder causes psychosis and suicidal ideation .... with my anxiety my rheumatologist has obviously been hesitant in prescribing it.

Basically this is something that will kill me ... it might take 30 years but that's where I'm heading. The first thing my rheumatologist said to me was 'you're a nurse, you know where this is going don't you?'

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Master:</b>" I have increasingly bad psoriasis and severe psoratic arthritis. I'm on high level steroid and anti-inflammatory ... [snip!] ... where I'm heading. The first thing my rheumatologist said to me was 'you're a nurse, you know where this is going don't you?'"</blockquote>




Are the TNF meds the associated with mental issues?

Quoting TheNuge:" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Master:</b>" I have increasingly bad psoriasis and severe ... [snip!] ... a nurse, you know where this is going don't you?'"</blockquote> Are the TNF meds the associated with mental issues?"

No its cyclosporin ... its an immunosuppresant (sp?)

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Master:</b>" No its cyclosporin ... its an immunosuppresant (sp?)"</blockquote>




What about enbrel and such meds?