I'm craving pizza.

If you do decide to let him in your son's life, please go through the courts. That sounds like it'd be your best bet.

Honestly? I wouldn't worry about it while he's in jail. And when he gets out, just make sure you DO do it through the courts. I think it's sketch as hell when guys wants so badly to settle it outside the court system.

Scared of what ? Keep everything through the courts do not give him any leeway.

I wouldn't respond. Having no dad is better than having a bad dad.

I wouldn't trust him any further than I could throw him.   He didn't even write the letter and he's never contacted you. No way in hell would he get rights to visit my kid.

Quoting H&Cai:" Other than a text me asking to come back to him in '09 when DS was four months - there has been zero ... [snip!] ... He doesn't have parents but three crazy sisters that would do ANYTHING for him. I'm so scared hes the same. Please don't quote"

IMO - no father is better than bad father. I've never met my real father, so called my mothers partner of 8 years my father when I was young. He was a raging alcoholic, a real nasty piece of work, in and out of jail, DUIs, just a real smurf head. If the bad father isn't around, the child doesn't have the bad role model to look up to, if that makes sense. Plus you don't want your son growing up having to answer the question "where's your daddy" with "in prison". That's just IMO though.

Does anyone want to see the letter? Ugh. He wants to meet in a public place... Do you think I'm going to shoot you? It's not the worst idea I've ever heard  

Quoting H&Cai:" Does anyone want to see the letter? Ugh. He wants to meet in a public place... Do you think I'm going to shoot you? It's not the worst idea I've ever heard  "

I do!

Quoting H&Cai:" Does anyone want to see the letter? Ugh. He wants to meet in a public place... Do you think I'm going to shoot you? It's not the worst idea I've ever heard  "

I think he said that so you'd be more willing to go. Just so you know you can be safe around him.

I agree with everyone else, if you decide you want him to have any contact, keep it through the court system, and yes having no dad is better than a terrible one.

Quoting H&Cai:" Does anyone want to see the letter? Ugh. He wants to meet in a public place... Do you think I'm going to shoot you? It's not the worst idea I've ever heard  "

He probably did it so you can meet in a neutral place and you both would feel the public pressure to remain civil in front of strangers.

imo, I wouldn't subject my kid to this change until a judge made me, and I'd fight it every step of the way until he had proven to me he wasn't a danger to my kids, physically or emotionally.

Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" He probably did it so you can meet in a neutral place and you both would feel the public pressure to ... [snip!] ... me, and I'd fight it every step of the way until he had proven to me he wasn't a danger to my kids, physically or emotionally."

Right. That's what OP needs to do.

My dad was in and out of jail his whole life. We went years at a time without hearing from him. Honestly I loved him I did he was a good person at heart. BUT I think I would be far less smurfed up in the head and desperate to keep a man in my life (even a bad one) if I had never known him. If given the choice after 4 years of no contact I would keep him away from my kid.