re: financially stable D&D

Quoting Fatty McRunnerPants:" I wish I can say the same   I do use homeopathic remedies for the kids and myself as much as I can ... [snip!] ... of reasons. And I've learned some things you just can't do at home. My last ER trip was for trying to avoid an ER trip  "

I did that with my knee ... when I first got diagnosed with psoratic arthritis I let it swell and swell and swell until all the ligaments in it blew. That was not fun.

If you are able to provide the basics (food, clothing, shelter) and are able to provide that for your child(ren), then great. If you are relying on anyone or anything to pay any of your bills, I think it's unwise to TTC.

As far as being "allowed", do you mean put some sort of restriction on you, like only if you meet this or that financial standard, I can't see how a clear cut line could even be drawn or how it could be enforced.

The only time I am disappointed in individuals who CHOOSE to have children is when they are on welfare. When I see people talking about how they can't afford formula and they are pawning smurf to buy their current kid(s) diapers. What makes them think having another child is going to help? THAT is the only time I really don't agree with people TTC.

Other than that, if everyone waited for the perfect time, no one would have kids. And I understand that things change. Sometimes you do great in life and TTC and all of a sudden you're in need of government assistance and can't afford diapers and food. Smurf happens.

Quoting Monkey Nuts:" <blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" I didn't suggest YOU should have a baby ... [snip!] ... sounded ignorant.. No 40 year old I know... What a small sample group you have there to match up against very real statistics."

Not joking & if you actually read what I wrote, I was NOT advocating for HER to wait - I said IF you have a health issue all bets are off.. Give me some links that how me what you said is true. I've been to RE's, perinatologists, geneticists, you name it to deal with my recurrent pregnancy loss and I can tell you, the odds are in your FAVOR, IF you are healthy to have a baby after 40. I was 29 then, so not over 40, but the fact is, MY issue is not age related & my age makes no difference...so ALL of those Dr's kept reassuring me that I have "all the time in the world" to have a baby & not to worry. I think if you dug into statistics you'd see that although infertility rates no doubt go up & so do loss rates, they are still favorable that you can get pregnant on your own AND have a healthy baby. I am ANYTHING but ignorant on reproduction, loss odds, etc. I've read more & been to more specialists than I can count. It happens to be something that I take very seriously. And I am dead serious that I have 3 cousins, a nephew & a child of a close friend all born after mom was in her 40's, no problems in pregnancy, no problems conceiving & that isn't abnormal, at all. They arent' a small sample group compared to "real statistics". "Real statistics show that most 40 yrs olds are able to achieve pregnancy on their own & carry to term a healthy baby. More 40 yr olds have issues than 30 yrs olds, but still MOST 40 yr olds do fine.

<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" Not joking & if you actually read what I wrote, I was NOT advocating for HER to wait - I said IF ... [snip!] ... their own & carry to term a healthy baby. More 40 yr olds have issues than 30 yrs olds, but still MOST 40 yr olds do fine."</blockquote>




Your statistics are incorrect and your large sample group of 5 is ridiculous.

http://www.socalfertility.com/age-and-fertility/


Where are you getting your statistics from?

How is a 5% chance of getting pregnant and a 35% chance of miscarriage leading to most women over 40 getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy?

Quoting The Master:" I'm making this thread because the last one dissolved into drama, and I know there were a few of us who ... [snip!] ... to continue his education and instead loves his current job and wants to get to the top with hard work and determination."

i think you guys are stable.... more stable than most who want kids. i dont see the problem IMO now is as good a time as any!!! Baby Dust to u darlin

Quoting Monkey Nuts:" http://www.socalfertility.com/age-and-fertility/ Where are you getting your statistics from? How is ... [snip!] ... getting pregnant and a 35% chance of miscarriage leading to most women over 40 getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy?"

That is a 5% chance of getting pregnant per month. In your 20's it is 20-25% per month. That means that most women in 20's can get pregnant in under 5 months time....and most in their 40's can expect it to take much longer - that doesn't mean only 5% chance of EVER getting pregnant & that rate of miscarriage is about twice the average of someone in their 20's...which is still well below half....how is it taking longer to get pregnant & doubling the loss rate leading to most women over 40 NOT being able to have a baby? That abnormality rate is 1 in 38 according to YOUR source - that means 37 out of 38 are HEALTHY.

There are lots of sources: "At 40 your chance of conceiving within a year of beginning to try is about 40 to 50 percent, compared to a woman in her mid-30s, who has a 75 percent chance. " ....and based on my family having babies into later years & me already knowing I have absolutely no problems conceiving, I know it's highly likely I could continue to have babies into my 40's. My issue with loss, as I said is unrelated to age, it's an issue with my Dh. All tests for me came back completely free of problems & I am able to get pregnant quite easily. Like I said, I would advocate for OTHERS - as I said in my original post & if anyone has a health issue, then baby making should happen SOONER than later as I also said in my original post. The only time I'd say differently is if it were a health related issue that needed to be addressed/resolved, like removing a gall bladder or getting a thyroid issue addressed, but if it is a long term health issue that is more likely to get worse over time, then pregnancy later is really not an option & it ought to be done sooner than later.

<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" That is a 5% chance of getting pregnant per month. In your 20's it is 20-25% per month. That means that ... [snip!] ... more likely to get worse over time, then pregnancy later is really not an option & it ought to be done sooner than later."</blockquote>



So according too your statistics which you quoted and didn't link. Women over 40 still have a 40-50 percentage chance of naturally getting pregnant within a year?


Are you nuts? Lol

My idea of stability is going to be different from most others. I will say that as long as you are able to pay your bills with no worry that provides a roof, some food, clothing, and medical care then go for it. If you are unable to do these things without assistance I would hold off.

Quoting Monkey Nuts:" <blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" That is a 5% chance of getting pregnant ... [snip!] ... link. Women over 40 still have a 40-50 percentage chance of naturally getting pregnant within a year? Are you nuts? Lol"

http://www.babycenter.com/0_age-and-fertility-getting-pregnant-in-your-40s_1494699.bc
Just missed the link - wouldn't be the first time I hit post instead of "add link" and didn't realize I left the link out. I found that number several places - but at that link it is quoted from fertility specialist Sherman Silber, director of the Infertility Center of St. Louis at St. Luke's Hospital in Missouri and author of four best-selling fertility books, including How to Get Pregnant.

Like all things, general health plays a major factor. There are LOTS of women with multiple health issues in their 20's (I've known some) who have risky pregnancies & difficulty conceiving...and I've known plenty of older moms who have no such issue. At the end of the day, if your health isn't perfect when you are younger, then waiting is likely not so wise...otherwise there is no reason to get all angsty over it & assume if you wait you won't be able to.

Quoting justanothamotha:" http://www.babycenter.com/0_age-and-fertility-getting-pregnant-in-your-40s_1494699.bc Just missed the ... [snip!] ... is likely not so wise...otherwise there is no reason to get all angsty over it & assume if you wait you won't be able to. "

Except that we're all going to die someday, and some people would prefer for their kids to be, say, 40 when they lose their parents than 20.

(Not accounting for getting hit by a bus, being shot in a mall, or having a piano fall on one's head, of course)

Quoting Stfu Shirley:" Except that we're all going to die someday, and some people would prefer for their kids to be, say, ... [snip!] ... than 20. (Not accounting for getting hit by a bus, being shot in a mall, or having a piano fall on one's head, of course)"

I also included a link in there that show s later age of giving birth increases life expectancy. If you give birth at 45 your odd of making it to your kids 18th bday (via statistics) is 95%...I can't say the odds when 20, but even so...it's not like you start dropping like flies at 60. If you are planning to go early, then have kids early. I am planning to be around for a while. My mom & MIL are both in their 70's & get down on the floor & play with my kids fine...my MIL wrestles with them all the time, etc. My own gramma who is in he rmid 90's was still racing the kids running well into being 90 & the last time I saw her race one, it was my 3 yr old nephew, she was 92 & I think she let him win quite honestly. Her oldest is almost 80 & her "baby" is in her mid 50's. She has hardly slowed at all in my life time & worked full time well into my teen years.

IDK - age just doesn't scare me. I've seen no reason for it to. If I took crap care of myself or had a bad family history for health, I may feel differently. In fact, there is a good chance I would. At this point I've had multiple relatives go past 100 (my moms' one aunt was 106 & still held good conversation even) & most of Dh's have lived well into their 90's & I mean lived well - not drooling in a bed somewhere...but really living still. Maybe they need a little help up & down from a chair before the end days, but not much more than that. Dh's dad died when he was young from an auto accident, so clearly - that smurf can happen ANY time.

My husband has older parents and he doesn't like it. His Dad is going to be 71 in February and he is as old as my grandparents. My husband is turning 30 on January 14. He says he doesn't have anything in common with his father, he never stayed at home when he was younger and always hung around with adult guys that he could learn from and they did what he was interested in. His Dad was already retired when he was in Grade 1 due to early retirement.

I feel when you are young and are able to make the money and provide for your children have them when you are young enough to enjoy them.

OP you are financially stable IMO to have another baby.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mom of Tristan/Rayah +1:</b>" My husband has older parents and he doesn't like it. His Dad is going to be 71 in February and he is ... [snip!] ... for your children have them when you are young enough to enjoy them. OP you are financially stable IMO to have another baby."</blockquote>




The same can be said of many younger dads and their children.