I can't eat. *warning*

Not like physically can't bring myself to eat or will throw up kinda can't eat.

I mean my mental health will go to smurf if I eat. And I ate today. Now I am angry with everyone I look like a smurfing whale in the mirror and I want to cut myself. Can't do this anymore. I can't eat anything. Not even an apple.

I am trying to be healthy. SO keeps bringing home chocolate and crisps and all manner of delicious treats while saying "we will be going on a health kick after this!" well, the health kick was supposed to start after Christmas. Now it's after New Years   I worked really REALLY hard to lose 34kgs. But now in the mirror it looks like it's all back again.

And it makes me literally wish I was dead. Why am I so smurfing body conscious? My whole family is thin but I am not. I am huge! My whole family is body confident and I am sitting there hating absolutely everything and wanting to cry every time I go into a changing room and see how disgusting I look with and without clothes on.







I smurfing hate my life. I'm going to have to find a way to live on green tea. Or just give in and admit that no matter what I am going to be a big fat mess for the rest of my life. And my kids will be ashamed for having a hippo for a mother.

Sweetie first of all he really needs to support yor health kick. Second of all, your children would rather see a healthy mom than a mom
With an eating disorder. So please lose weight healthy. If u are having anorexic thoughts u should seek counseling. That's not healthy. *hugs*

Awww, hun   I'm sure you're beautiful!

You're beautiful hun
You have lost so much weight already and look amazing.dont be so hard on yourself and not eating is so unhealthy
Your babies love you and no one thinks you're a hippo

I have one question hun. How much do you actually weigh? I know most women are self concious. I too hate the way I look and sometimes I can't stand to be naked by myself let alone in front of my husband. I want to lose so badly but I'm weak. I start off good with good foods and nothing but water then one drink of cola and I'm back to the old habits. I want to lose so badly but my work and home schedule is so busy I can't find time for exercise like saying plus I'm on my feet a lot at work and I'm tired as hell when I get home. So I kinda know where you're coming from. I think I'm in the ballpark right now of 257lbs. I've never been this heavy. It's sickening. I'm literally about to go on a strict less than a 1000 calorie a day diet.

You are beautiful! Going by your picture in your about me section, you are not fat at all! You're gorgeous!

Quoting Minion:" You are beautiful! Going by your picture in your about me section, you are not fat at all! You're gorgeous!"

  Agreed. I just looked a second ago. You're stunning!

I'm sorry Hun   very sorry. PM me if you want to talk. I'm going through something similar. Almost eerily similar.

If that is a current pic on your profile you are far from huge! If you are having issues eating because of mental issues that go along with it, it sounds like you are headed down a dangerous path and might need to talk to someone. It is one think to watch what you eat and try not to eat extra but if you are starting to want to not eat at all and get angry when you do there is a problem.  

Quoting *PeanutButter*:" You're beautiful hun You have lost so much weight already and look amazing.dont be so hard on yourself and not eating is so unhealthy Your babies love you and no one thinks you're a hippo"

    
I saw your before and after shots, you look fantastic!
Sounds like you need to talk to SO about being a bit more supportive though.. and the self-hatred is definitely not a good thing hun. I saw somewhere you were in counseling also? Maybe it'd do you good to talk to the counselor about how you're feeling.

SO says he supports my health kick but he always gets annoyed when I do my pilates cos I'm not lying in bed watching movies like he is and he tries to make me stop and lie down with him. And he won't stop buying fizzy and chips and chocolate. And he keeps saying "Oh you lost weight, you lost heaps of weight" all the time but he never supports me trying to lose more or trying to get fit and stay fit.

I have gone to the doctors about it cos it's at the point where literally no matter what it is, one rice cracker even, will make it so I hate myself. But the doctor just said "Eat healthy and you will be fine". But I'm NOT fine. I can't handle it. I can't. I have been trying to handle it but I can't eat anything without seeing a HUGE weight gain in the mirror and feeling so much heavier.

Quoting LumpySpacePrincess:" SO says he supports my health kick but he always gets annoyed when I do my pilates cos I'm not lying ... [snip!] ... been trying to handle it but I can't eat anything without seeing a HUGE weight gain in the mirror and feeling so much heavier."

Have you gone to a psychologist? With mental issues involved that is where you need to go to straighten things out.

Quoting LumpySpacePrincess:" SO says he supports my health kick but he always gets annoyed when I do my pilates cos I'm not lying ... [snip!] ... been trying to handle it but I can't eat anything without seeing a HUGE weight gain in the mirror and feeling so much heavier."

Would he work out with you? Have you told him how hard it is for you when he buys junk food and brings it in the house?

You should talk to someone. Feeling this way about eating isn't healthy.

Quoting LumpySpacePrincess:" SO says he supports my health kick but he always gets annoyed when I do my pilates cos I'm not lying ... [snip!] ... been trying to handle it but I can't eat anything without seeing a HUGE weight gain in the mirror and feeling so much heavier."

So you see yourself a lot differently than others do and you see weight that is not there? They sounds like body dysmorphic *sp* syndrome or something. Keep going back to your doctor and keep telling him how you're feeling hon. If that doctor won't listen, change doctors. It doesn't sound normal.