re: molestation... help to move forward

he has full custody, their mom has them on weekends. cps has not been notified for this, we were trying to have them seen by kids first- a child abuse network that does it all since they have history there with them. lastly, i can refer to a vagina by any term i chose, im not coaching the children in any direction by teaching them that a word i use, therefore it wouldnt mess with the investigation. we have not seen kids since i found the pictures! i use the word im comfortable using. thank you for your input, but im allowed to speak as i want.

<blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" First off, since there is a really good reason to expect the children are being abused, please call their ... [snip!] ... undermine any investigation that is going to happen in the future. Has CPS been called? Has your husband filed for custody?"</blockquote>




This too. Use the real words.

Quoting rubberduck_smith:" the kids wont say, because its their family that did it. and their mom still takes them to that smurf! ... [snip!] ... in, and i dont want to be. but since im here it needs to be fixed!!! and i guess i have to lead this parade. thanks everyone!"

Coming from a child of abuse...

Whatever you do, stand in her corner every step of the way. Don't tolerate anyone calling her a liar, or trying to say she's crazy....or anything else. For me, that reaction from family was more hurtful than the abuse itself.

<blockquote><b>Quoting rubberduck_smith:</b>" he has full custody, their mom has them on weekends. cps has not been notified for this, we were trying ... [snip!] ... since i found the pictures! i use the word im comfortable using. thank you for your input, but im allowed to speak as i want."</blockquote>


Right but what if she HAS mentioned this to her teacher or someone else who could have taken action, and she said something along the lines of "so and so touched my cooter bug". That person, who could have already started the help, would have no idea what a cooter bug was and wouldn't have known she was talking about abuse.
And get cps involved. If they have already been abused by their maternal grandfather CPS needs to be aware so they can take action if it happens again.

ive always been in her corner! abuse for her started, from what we know when she was 2! while her mom denied it, even after cops found pics of the little girl on his computer. i stood by. she said who touched her, mom denied and currently denies! even though she was molested by this man as well! sorry you went through it also. but im still standing here, trying to do what is best for her in the long run!

i understand that. im not being bitchy, and get where you are coming from. and to be honest, i didnt think of it like that. although this is the south and everyone knows what that means. i get what you mean. ill also talk to dad to see if we cant get up to cps today also.

Quoting rubberduck_smith:" ive always been in her corner! abuse for her started, from what we know when she was 2! while her mom ... [snip!] ... man as well! sorry you went through it also. but im still standing here, trying to do what is best for her in the long run!"

I wasn't trying to say you weren't, sorry if it came across like that. I hope you can get this little girl protected, and for her to be able to heal from it all.

Quoting MommaSav2:" The passed abuse is enough to want the kids in therapy/counciling for the foreseeable future. But the ... [snip!] ... the long run will only do more damage. And she COULD have edited them herself, my 6yo knows how to edit pictures on his camera."

 

My 2 year old spreads her vagina and lips and pulls her clit hood back and.. yeesh. ALL THE TIME lol.

A 6 year old could change a picture too, it's easy to do as they are made for kids that age and older.

<blockquote><b>Quoting rubberduck_smith:</b>" i understand that. im not being bitchy, and get where you are coming from. and to be honest, i didnt ... [snip!] ... and everyone knows what that means. i get what you mean. ill also talk to dad to see if we cant get up to cps today also. "</blockquote>




You may think everyone knows what that means but you can't guarantee that. Your kids need to know the correct anatomical names for their body parts. It empowers them to be able to speak about them maturely if abuse does occur again. For instance they could say to their actual abuser "no one is allowed tontouh or see my vagina". Their mature awareness of the situation couod be enough to stop further incidents. I really feel strongly about this. My mother called our body parts everything from our "whistler" to our "clumpy". I thought everyone knew what it stood for but NO ONE does and if something had happened to me as a child and I tried to tell someone outside my family, they wouldn't have ever known what i was talking about.

And if there was proof of abuse and the man was convicted then the mom should t legally be able to have them around him. I'm confused by this whole situation. Was their maternal grandfather charged and convicted of the crimes or is it just something you know about?

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommaSav2:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting rubberduck_smith:</b>" i understand that. im not being bitchy, ... [snip!] ... whole situation. Was their maternal grandfather charged and convicted of the crimes or is it just something you know about?"</blockquote>




I'm confused by it too. If the cops found pics of her on his comp how was he not charged with something? Just having pics like that of a minor is illegal!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jenna+1:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting MommaSav2:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting rubberduck_smith:</b>" ... [snip!] ... the cops found pics of her on his comp how was he not charged with something? Just having pics like that of a minor is illegal!"</blockquote>

Exactly, a man from my hometown who was very prominent in the community and I went to school with his kids who were all great kids. Super smart and athletic, etc. a seemingly "perfect" family and the dad went to jail recently for 7-10 years for having child porn on his computer.

Quoting MommaSav2:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jenna+1:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting MommaSav2:</b>" ... [snip!] ... etc. a seemingly "perfect" family and the dad went to jail recently for 7-10 years for having child porn on his computer."

The justice system sucks. The situation in my family, the man did 9 MONTHS for molesting a 5 year old and it took them a year to get him behind bars.

the cops raided his house when the little girl just turned 2. on the computer they found naked pics and whatnot of her. i dont now exactly all the details about the pics, but everything was seized. with the mom havin custody of the kids at the time (im not exactly sure how it all fell through the cracks), she didnt want to press charges on her dad and since the pics "could have been harmless naked pics of his grandchild", nothing happened with that. but the cops did find pics of the mom in pornographic ways when she was underaged. however, nothing really happened there either except probation. i dont understand all of it, and i wasnt with the dad at the time, just best friends so i didnt want to pry into his unfortunate family affairs. since then, me and the dad (since we all worked at the same place for a while) knew the probation officer and had tighter restrictions put in place. but they say there is notihng that can be done to stop the mom from taking the kids to see their grandfather.

i'm not sure about therapy... obviously make sure that they are safe and that no-one can cause them any further harm...

i was abused before i started school and i was very, very, sexually curious from a very young age idk if that's co-incidence or if it's a result of what happened, however my own daughter is almost 6 and she seems to be in a phase where private body parts aare very interesting to her, so am inclined to think it's a normal curiosity? i'm not sure how i would go about dealing with that if i found similar pictures on her camera but i don't think i'd send her to therapy for it, she might think she's done somehting wrong  

can you not speak to her yourself, or is there someone else who can? reassure her that she neednt feel guilty or wrong about it but make sure she is ok and check if she wants to talk about anything?

i would be concerned about the influence he clearly has over their mom though, especially as he probably did the same thing to her (the pics of her i am assuming) i can't understand why she would want to let him have anything to do with them ever again unless he still has some sort of power over her   if that's the case, then she needs some support or she and her children could be in danger again  

how awful, poor babies :'(

Can you file a protection from abuse with the child on it in your state?