So frustrated..

Me & BD have a long history, an emotionally abusive relationship & we just were NOT compatible what so ever.
I recently started dating my current SO - we've been together three months and i'm so incredibly happy with him.
BD trash talks me, telling me i'm a "horrible mother" because on the days HE has our kids ( he has them 3 days a week) I spend time @ my SO's.
Basically all he does is degrade me and belittle me. Threatening to take my kids away from me.

I work PT, and have been there for my kids 100% of the time; their sole caretaker.
BD just got out of jail after 45 days & has no job.... So when he threatens to take me to court i'm like PLEASE DO.
I'm so angry! Why is everyone aloud to date when they break up with BD's but i'm not "allowed" in his eyes?
He told me earlier, that even if i'm miserable we should still be together because we reproduced together.. & he totally guilt trips me saying my kids "deserve a family"


Idk what to do about it at this point. I cannot do this arguing every day.
I cannot deal with him calling me names on a daily basis.
DON'T QUOTE.
sorry this was all over the place.

Ignore his phone calls and text unless you have to talk to him. Tell him he can call you to talk about the kids but if he's just going to call you names and talk about other things not related to the kids, you'll gladly hang up.

Quoting I♥MyTots:" Ignore his phone calls and text unless you have to talk to him. Tell him he can call you to talk about ... [snip!] ... the kids but if he's just going to call you names and talk about other things not related to the kids, you'll gladly hang up."

Current SO met the boys - when he met them BD was in jail.
BD thinks he can dictate if SO can go around the kids or not.

I offered to let BD meet SO but he refused saying he'd just beat the smurf outta him -___-

Id threaten to take HIM to court if he wants to play those games. He has no right to be like that and you shouldn't allow him to do it anymore.

Quoting Wonderstruck ♥:" Current SO met the boys - when he met them BD was in jail. BD thinks he can dictate if SO can go around ... [snip!] ... SO can go around the kids or not. I offered to let BD meet SO but he refused saying he'd just beat the smurf outta him -___-"

Tell him to go ahead and "beat the smurf out of him" and see how he likes it in jail.  

Quoting Lauralie89:" Id threaten to take HIM to court if he wants to play those games. He has no right to be like that and you shouldn't allow him to do it anymore."

Yeah yesterday I mentioned court and he flipped out threatening to take full custody.
It honestly scares me, I don't want to keep them from him because that would look bad if it came down to court, but I don't want him to keep them from me, and not return them.
Or when he has them i feel like i have to follow his "rules" so he doesn';t retaliate and use them against me.
I hate how we're broken up and i'm still living in fear of him.

Is there a custody agreement already in place, or you just let him take the kids?

Quoting I♥MyTots:" Tell him to go ahead and "beat the smurf out of him" and see how he likes it in jail.  "

My current SO just rolls his eyes and keeps his mouth shut.
He's been so good LOL, he hasn't said one word to BD, just sits quietly - he knows if he were to say something it wouldn't be nice so he bites his tongue.
Says he's "there to support me, and be there for me, smurf BD"

Quoting Wonderstruck ♥:" Yeah yesterday I mentioned court and he flipped out threatening to take full custody. It honestly scares ... [snip!] ... his "rules" so he doesn';t retaliate and use them against me. I hate how we're broken up and i'm still living in fear of him."

The best thing to do, is just go ahead and get a lawyer and get papers drawn up in court and then you don't have to worry about him taking them from you and he doesn't have to worry about you taking them from him.

Quoting Third Time Mommy:" Is there a custody agreement already in place, or you just let him take the kids?"

There's no custody agreement in place.
I HAVE the paperwork to do it, but i'm scared to start the process because of his reaction. Not to mention the cost.

Quoting I♥MyTots:" The best thing to do, is just go ahead and get a lawyer and get papers drawn up in court and then you ... [snip!] ... and then you don't have to worry about him taking them from you and he doesn't have to worry about you taking them from him. "

I can't afford a lawyer.
/=

Quoting Wonderstruck ♥:" I can't afford a lawyer. /="

Can't you go through social services and get a lawyer? I know they provide one if you're filing for child support, not sure about custody, but I guess it'd be the same thing??

Quoting I♥MyTots:" Can't you go through social services and get a lawyer? I know they provide one if you're filing for child support, not sure about custody, but I guess it'd be the same thing??"

I could definitely look into it, i'm sure there are programs for low income moms.

Too bad you don't live in Spokane, there is SO much free help here for that kind of stuff. Maybe look into getting that stuff looked at. Because technically, at this point since there ISN'T a parenting plan and no one has full custody- he could just keep the kids.

We don't have joint custody here in WA- so basically you would have full custody with a parenting plan to "support it" where it states when he can see the kids and such. You can also put stipulations- like going through anger management, drug testing, stuff like that.

AND since you're in WA- basically, you'll get custody unless he can prove you are totally unfit and doing nothing to improve your "unfit" situation.

Quoting Wonderstruck ♥:" There's no custody agreement in place. I HAVE the paperwork to do it, but i'm scared to start the process because of his reaction. Not to mention the cost."

You need to be documenting everything he does and says. I would start the process, him acting as hostile as he does towards you, making threats, and the spending time in jail, wont look good for him in court. And you being the main provider for them and still allowing him time with the kids, shows that you have their best interest in mind, I wouldn't be worried about losing to him, or him "taking the kids away". And when he gets served with paperwork, if he does get even worse, makes more threats, etc., you document that too and just make sure you and the kids are safe.