re: Fiance working as bouncer in stripclub.Is it ok?

Quoting justanothamotha:" oral code or not, how does this constitute a job that suits his probationary requirements? if he needs ... [snip!] ... on how he should only have eyes for you - how does this job even come close to meeting his requirements for his legal issues?"

It does'nt,and I've made this point to him,also.His Rehab was'nt court ordered,he chose to go.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kathryn Booker:</b>" My problem is,I feel it's not right. He's committed to being sober,and he wants a family life,and he ... [snip!] ... about it. I should have been more clear about the circumstances he had told me,as well,since he did'nt even tell me in person."</blockquote>



So what is ur main problem u don't want him around strippers, its bad for his sobriety, or that hes not financially helping u and physically won't be helping because be wants to work evenings and days...


I bartend now for a gent club, if my husband had a problem with it I wouldn't Have given 2nd thought, is he even taking how u feel into consideration??
Personally it wouldnt bother me but ive been in and out of that industry for years now,

<blockquote><b>Quoting LolaMcKitten:</b>" I like the superiority some of these women give off because it doesn't bother them in particular. Just the feeling I;m getting from a lot of it...."</blockquote>



Yeah   that's definitely how it comes off to me.

Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Kathryn Booker:</b>" My problem is,I feel it's not right. He's ... [snip!] ... taking how u feel into consideration?? Personally it wouldnt bother me but ive been in and out of that industry for years now,"

My problem is:I have no help in any way while he's in the halfway house,and I've had no help at all the past 18 weeks of my pregnancy.
He did'nt discuss it with me,he basically just told me,and then told me he plans on working night&day,and I will have no help when our baby gets here.
I don't trust him because he's intentionally flirted with girls to make me jealous,which is not okay,it did'nt work,it just made me feel like I was'nt enough,and I don't trust women,especially ones who take their clothes off for money,because most are about the hustle,and some even do extra tricks for extra change.I may be 20,but I don't lack intelligence on that industry.

I feel that not only is it disrespecting me,and my values that he knows I have if he does this,but it also puts me in a situation where I might as well just be a single mom with no father around,because thats what it feels like is going on anyways.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kathryn Booker:</b>" Okay. So.My Fiance's friend is trying to encourage him working in a strip club as a bouncer. We have ... [snip!] ... our sex life is far from boring,even being 18 weeks,so that can't be an excuse. Am I overreacting,or Should I speak up?"</blockquote>




It's a job.
It sounds like you don't trust him. That's a bigger issue than where the job is.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Will☮Creedence:</b>" The only thing that's making me say it's not ok is the fact that he's in rehab. A strip club is NOT the right place for a recovering addict/ alcoholic."</blockquote>




Agreed.

<blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" Thats kind of closed minded. I dont know how all clubs are sleezy, especially if you are just a mere ... [snip!] ... and the girls are sweet, they are just trying to survive. Its not like they try to bring home every guy that goes in the door!"</blockquote>




   

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~Julie Blue Eyes~:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" Thats kind of closed minded. I dont know ... [snip!] ... that I would choose because I am morally opposed to the concept of stripping for anyone other than a spouse ....or Dr."</blockquote>



That's their job though...a man doesn't have to walk through the door.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kathryn Booker:</b>" My problem is:I have no help in any way while he's in the halfway house,and I've had no help at all the ... [snip!] ... where I might as well just be a single mom with no father around,because thats what it feels like is going on anyways."</blockquote>




I think what would bother me the most is the fact that he wasn't involved in my pregnancy or emotionally supporting me... that would hurt me more than him working at a club. When I got preg with my 1st his dad was training for mma, that was his job, did I enjoy him doing promos and after parties with models who looked how I *used* to look, while I was at home getting bigger than a house, with his baby???
My ex was an ass and didn't care how I felt... my husband went out the night I told him I was preg with our 1st baby, to buy pre natals and
some cookies  
The problem u should be having is with him for being disrespectful to u, I used to dance, there's nothing wrong with it if there's trust, I bartend now, my husband comes in everynight I work to have a beer and hang out with me, I wish girls would go up to him, they aren't me, he'll never find any1 like me...
When I was with my ex, I cried all the time because he didn't care about me, it wasn't a good relationship,
My relationship with my husband isn't perfect, but I trust him to go anywhere, work anywhere, meet anyone...
If jhonny depp walked into a room with me my husband can kiss my ass, if kim kardashian walked in, I need to kick rocks, any one else... dosnt matter,

In all seriousness, this halfway house and club jobs all seem like a reason to do what he wants and those are ur excuses to blame othes *ie* strippers,

Quoting Kathryn Booker:" My problem is:I have no help in any way while he's in the halfway house,and I've had no help at all the ... [snip!] ... where I might as well just be a single mom with no father around,because thats what it feels like is going on anyways."

The thing is, I am not even sure what you mean when you say "I've had no help the past 18 weeks of my pregnancy"...help with what? I didn't have "help" and I was married. I was making more money than Dh by far & basically supporting us, working tons of hours, etc...I never even thought I was supposed to "have help" or why Id' need it even. The ONLY thing I've always expected him to do is to take out the trash & shovel the snow. I am very short & eptite all over though, so it's quite a job for me to do either, so physically it makes no sense for me to be the one doing it...even so, I've had to at time do when I must.

IDK - it sounds to me like your relationship issues go much deeper than where he works. I get it that you are very young, MUCH younger than me, so you likely still have optimism on situations I've long ago realized was pie in the sky stuff. The deal is you are having a baby with a guy who has legal issues as well as addiction issues & employment issues in general that are likely to continue since he has a record. He isn't taking into account your very strong feelings on this & has just said he is going to do it anyway. You also say in no uncertain terms that you don't trust him.

Soooooo my question is - WHY are you with him? And don't say "because I love him" - because love is wonderful & all but codependency can feel an awful lot like love. Were either of your parents or guardians growing up addicts? Have you ever been through Alanon?

Quoting Kathryn Booker:" My problem is:I have no help in any way while he's in the halfway house,and I've had no help at all the ... [snip!] ... where I might as well just be a single mom with no father around,because thats what it feels like is going on anyways."

it sounds like the problem is more with your SO and his ability to maintinn self control and not the job itself.

I certainly agree that if he can't be trusted, that isn't a good place for him to work. However, it also sounds like you need to re-evaluate why you're maintaining a relationship with a man that cannot be trusted because if he's got a wandering eye and wants to cheat, he doesn't need to work at a strip club for that to happen.