re: Fiance working as bouncer in stripclub.Is it ok?

Quoting Will☮Creedence:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LolaMcKitten:</b>" Same here - which seems odd to people since ... [snip!] ... "</blockquote> You mean you both have other partners? How the hell do you do that if you're a jealous person? Lol"

No, we called ourselves an "equilateral triad" lol. Me, my (male) fiance and our wife. We were exclusive to each other, no other partners and we were all equal (you will see some poly relationships where there is a "second" relationship,) that's not how we did it. It was basically like your traditional two person relationship - but with 3, not two. We all slept in the same bed, all participated in different roles - I was more the housewife, our wife was a student (she was going to be a student and teach at the same time) and our SO worked. Together, there were 6 kids, though, so having one full time at-home parent was kind of important. Our wife committed suicide in August, 2011, so it's just us two now.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" No, we called ourselves an "equilateral triad" lol. Me, my (male) fiance and our wife. We were exclusive ... [snip!] ... one full time at-home parent was kind of important. Our wife committed suicide in August, 2011, so it's just us two now. "

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry for your loss  
That's a lot different though since you would get to participate too and he wasn't off doing his own thing. I can understand being ok with that.

Quoting Will☮Creedence:" Oh my gosh I'm so sorry for your loss   That's a lot different though since you would get to participate too and he wasn't off doing his own thing. I can understand being ok with that."

Thank you - yeah, it was a lot different than a lot of people think. I mean, I loved her just as much as he did, we did it based on the concept of being able to love more than one person at a time. To us, lusting after some chick in a strip club doesn't subscribe to that theory, that isn't love - get what I mean? I don't care what other people do, but that's just our way of thinking.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Will☮Creedence:</b>" Lmao guess I misunderstood your tone   The point of this post was asking if it was "right" for ... [snip!] ... a married man with a baby on the way to work in a strip club. The way you responded irked me. You have an opinion and so do I."</blockquote>


Right. I do have my opinion and you have yours. Difference is, I didn't tell you that yours "irked" me. I don't waste my time like that.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~Julie Blue Eyes~:</b>" Having a strong moral code myself, I'm with you. I wouldn't want my husband working at a strip club. ... [snip!] ... DJ....nothing. I think strip joints are sleezy, no matter how "high class". I would leave anyone who chose that for a job."</blockquote>




Hes just the bouncer though. Thats like saying that because I work for an internet company and the internet has porn, my job is morally wrong

A job is a job....the bouncer is standing outside of the strip club. Not like he is working with the strippers. You have a baby on the way and it takes money to support a baby.

Quoting The Master:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ~Julie Blue Eyes~:</b>" Having a strong moral code myself, I'm ... [snip!] ... though. Thats like saying that because I work for an internet company and the internet has porn, my job is morally wrong"

I usually agree with you - but the internet has multiple purposes and there is WAY more than just porn. What other function does a strip club serve? lol

My problem is,I feel it's not right.
He's committed to being sober,and he wants a family life,and he opposed to me working in a strip club,or even a nightclub prior to baby.
Like I said,my moral code is that he DOES have me,and he doesn't need to be around naked females.It's degrading to them,and disrespectful to me,especially since he knows my views.He even had an issue with me watching"Magic Mike".I feel it's horribly double-standard,and I feel it's disrespecting me on so many levels.Since he only wants to do it to make money for while he's in the halfway house,It won't be included in any income to the household,it's basically money so he can just buy laundry detergent for himself,and whatever else he might need.
He also gives me no support in any kind of way,and I have issues with that,and he also wants to work evenings,as well as days,and I'm not okay with that either,since I feel as if I'll be the only one doing anything with our child when they arrive.
Not to mention he told me on Christmas about it.
I should have been more clear about the circumstances he had told me,as well,since he did'nt even tell me in person.

A job is a job. When I was pregnant with my oldest kidlet, Dh worker as a DJ in a strip club. It didn't bother me at all.

I wouldn't like it and you don't have to either. Not every woman is going to have the same feeling about it. :shrug:

Quoting Δ ☮ ∂:" I wouldn't like it and you don't have to either. Not every woman is going to have the same feeling about it. :shrug:"

I like the superiority some of these women give off because it doesn't bother them in particular. Just the feeling I;m getting from a lot of it....

Quoting Kathryn Booker:" Okay. So.My Fiance's friend is trying to encourage him working in a strip club as a bouncer. We have ... [snip!] ... our sex life is far from boring,even being 18 weeks,so that can't be an excuse. Am I overreacting,or Should I speak up?"

I wouldn't personally want to be a with a man who had that occupation. A job is a job, yes.. but when you have a family to care for.. working as a stripper or AT a strip club IMO isn't the best place to work. I think he could find another job if he tried. If my husband had a friend telling him to do this kind of work I know my husband wouldn't even consider it.
I think you need to defanitly try to encourage him working somewhere else. And yes, if you are uncomfortable with him working there you should defanitly speak up.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kathryn Booker:</b>" My problem is,I feel it's not right. He's committed to being sober,and he wants a family life,and he ... [snip!] ... about it. I should have been more clear about the circumstances he had told me,as well,since he did'nt even tell me in person."</blockquote>




He was opposed to u working in the strip club before u had ur baby, so u wanted to dance before?? But now have *morals* after u had ur baby??

Even tho he's in a relationship, dosnt mean he can't control himself...
he's won't be around *naked females degrading themselves,* and since I have danced before I think I can say, no1s trying to steal anyones man, more times than not the girls are in relationships or married, and even the 1s who are money hungry, or man chasers, aren't looking at the bouncer...

The actual problem is either u don't trust him, or ur insecure, for whatever reasons... and that's not good to have in a relationship, dosnt matter if he's in the dressing room spray tanning chicks all day or flippin burgers at the hamburger stand...

Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Kathryn Booker:</b>" My problem is,I feel it's not right. He's ... [snip!] ... dosnt matter if he's in the dressing room spray tanning chicks all day or flippin burgers at the hamburger stand..."

No,It was a point I had made to him when he asked if he could go to a strip club for his bachelor party.I never wanted to be a stripper,I used it as an example to him.

oral code or not, how does this constitute a job that suits his probationary requirements? if he needs an official job, getting paid under the table doesn't work & if his rehab was court ordered (I would assume) then they would likely (and rightfully) tell him this is NOT a suitable work environment for a recovering addict. So whatever there is to your feelings on how he should only have eyes for you - how does this job even come close to meeting his requirements for his legal issues?