re: Is it selfish? (D&D)

Quoting Big Booty Heaux™:" Dont make it about something its not...Im sure you are very deserving of a child. But Im not thinking ... [snip!] ... thrive in life. However she was not a father. There were certain things she couldnt teach and show me. Mothers cant be fathers."

And you know what?

Everyday my mother wishes she was a single parent, that she had left my no good father earlier. He did more harm than good and dragged the family to its knees. Sometimes it is best to be a single parent, and I'm positive that a woman who chooses to be a single mother and has her ducks in a row is better off that the SAHM who was kicked to the curb and forced into a life of single parenthood.

And what do you say about gay couples? Huh? They shouldn't be allowed to adopt either? Because your post implies exactly that, and I find that to be rather ignorant.

All it takes is ONE good parent. ONE.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" And you know what? Everyday my mother wishes she was a single parent, that she had left my no good ... [snip!] ... either? Because your post implies exactly that, and I find that to be rather ignorant. All it takes is ONE good parent. ONE. "

And you somehow turned what I said into an attack against gays? This conversation is done. Have a nice day.

Quoting Big Booty Heaux™:" And you somehow turned what I said into an attack against gays? This conversation is done. Have a nice day."

 
You mentioned in your post about father figures. What about lesbians? Should they not be allowed to adopt because the child won't have that "father" in their life? What exactly can a father teach that a mother can't? Last time I checked, a child needs to be taught how to be a good, responsible human being....and you don't need to be a specific gender to do that or have a certain number of people in order to raise a child.

I don't think it would be selfish, honestly. Just don't think of yourself as a "single mother." Also, you'd probably have trouble adopting being single and whatnot.

<blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" Yes, I think it is selfish. I was the eldest of three, raised by a single mother. I ended up being the second parent in the household. It sucked."</blockquote>


Same with me. Needless to say, it does suck.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" I think it depends on the state, but here in Ohio you don't have to be independently wealthy to foster ... [snip!] ... if the child is a minority (the system is full to the brim with black and Hispanic children not being adopted by people). "

Have you checked into that? When I was looking into adopting from foster in my state there was ONE child available under a year & he had a terminal illness & was not expected to live to age three. THAT is the only child I was told was currently available for adoption. So we aren't *really* talking "full to the brim"/ My sister did adopt via foster & a child under a year, but she waited a long time & she was NOT ethnic specific at all & is well off, married for ages, had a couple of kids, etc. It was not an issue of her being a "less desirable" parent, she is what they drool over.

Quoting .Solange.:" I'm sorry   Growing up, did you have any issues or resentment towards the fact that you were raised by a single parent? Did you feel like you missed out? "

I was raised by a single mother. I was the 3rd of 4 girls. Yes I felt resentment. I didn't have my mother the way that I should have had her. To this day we are not close and I am 22 years old. I don't advise ttc at this time in your life.

Quoting khigh:" I didn't think they allowed singles to foster or adopt out of the system."

Some states might not allow that, but most do.

Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:" I was raised by a single mother. I was the 3rd of 4 girls. Yes I felt resentment. I didn't have my mother ... [snip!] ... that I should have had her. To this day we are not close and I am 22 years old. I don't advise ttc at this time in your life."

But was your mother financially able to handle that many kids? Was she not in your life as much as youd of liked? I think something like this is to tied to different factors, and we can't really say the same formula works for everyone.

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" But was your mother financially able to handle that many kids? Was she not in your life as much as youd ... [snip!] ... I think something like this is to tied to different factors, and we can't really say the same formula works for everyone."

She definitely wasn't stable enough to handle us on her own. But I also don't think it is possible to give that many kids the amount of attention they all require from one parent. I just don't think having a child is anything to rush into.

it depends. if you're unable to provide for another child in any way, or if your existing child will be burdened in any way by having another kid, then yes - it's selfish.
if you're able to provide for, love and nurture another child, and the child will be a welcome addition and not a rushed decision - then not selfish.
i'm a single mother and am currently looking into surrogacy and adoption because i want another child and want my dd to have a sibling. i know it's a tough spot to be in.