re: Is it selfish? (D&D)

Quoting .Solange.:" I'm sorry   Growing up, did you have any issues or resentment towards the fact that you were raised by a single parent? Did you feel like you missed out? "

My mother did her absolute best, but yes....I felt that I missed out on a lot.

I don't have any resentment or anger towards her, but growing up...especially in my teen years, I did feel like I was getting the shaft.

Quoting khigh:" I didn't think they allowed singles to foster or adopt out of the system."

Nevermind...thought OP was in the states.

<blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" My mother did her absolute best, but yes....I felt that I missed out on a lot. I don't have any resentment ... [snip!] ... any resentment or anger towards her, but growing up...especially in my teen years, I did feel like I was getting the shaft."</blockquote>




I had both parents and still got shafted. It can.happen either way

Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" And I skimmed past you wanting to foster or adopt... honestly it's almost impossible for a single mother ... [snip!] ... you to have a job that would be put in jeopardy if you have to take time off work and you have no one to split the burden with."

I have not really done the research on it yet, since I hadn't come to a solid decision. I did not know that. Well, there goes my little thought. Maybe i'll just have to be content including myself in the local children groups with my son for the time being.

Quoting .Solange.:" Those are some very valid points that i didn't think of. Thank you for your honesty."

I know how you feel. I was working towards getting to that point to ttc on my own around 24/25 if I hadn't found anyone to settle down with, but this baby came along first and drained me.

It will happen eventually. You'll either find someone to cherish you and your son, or you'll get to the point where you can afford to do it on your own. Right now just set your goals and try to achieve them. Work on your savings and getting a house if you don't already own, and that'll be half the work towards being ready for another kid without a partner.

Quoting speaktruth2powr:" My mother did her absolute best, but yes....I felt that I missed out on a lot. I don't have any resentment ... [snip!] ... any resentment or anger towards her, but growing up...especially in my teen years, I did feel like I was getting the shaft."

 

Well, thank you for answering. All these things are helping me reconsider because I did not see the other side of things.

Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" I know how you feel. I was working towards getting to that point to ttc on my own around 24/25 if I hadn't ... [snip!] ... getting a house if you don't already own, and that'll be half the work towards being ready for another kid without a partner."

Very well said....

Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" I know how you feel. I was working towards getting to that point to ttc on my own around 24/25 if I hadn't ... [snip!] ... getting a house if you don't already own, and that'll be half the work towards being ready for another kid without a partner."

Thank you! very great advice, I apprechiate it

Quoting .Solange.:"   Well, thank you for answering. All these things are helping me reconsider because I did not see the other side of things. "

I was single for a while after having my daughter....about 5 years actually.

I contemplated having another child several times in that 5 years because I was concerned that she was lonely only having me, or that she was missing out on an "authentic" family experience.

She is now 16 years old, and I've been with my husband for 10 years. We are currently TTC and I couldn't be happier that we waited. As hard as it was to battle the baby fever over the years, I realize that I am finally in the best place to have a child....I'm more stable, better educated and finally emotionally ready.

Quoting speaktruth2powr:" I was single for a while after having my daughter....about 5 years actually. I contemplated having ... [snip!] ... realize that I am finally in the best place to have a child....I'm more stable, better educated and finally emotionally ready."

That is beautiful. I love hearing examples that I can relate to. There are some things that I still want to pursue... I started designing clothes and love it. If I can get better, I wanted to try expanding my business. I also started joining a zumba class. Maybe this is just the start of my recovery and I shouldn't push something so important, the life and well-being of a human being. I can't screw that up. Thank you!

Quoting Jude the Super Kinkster:" IMO, no. One parent is better.than.none."

<3

Quoting Big Booty Heaux™:" Your intentions are good, its just not fair to the child."

True

Quoting Big Booty Heaux™:" Yes I think its selfish...being a single mother is much different than making the conscious decision to parent a child alone."

 

I plan on having children ALONE as soon as I have my career settled and my education completed. There is nothing wrong with single parenting. In fact, I know someone who adopted as a single woman and the child turned out wonderfully.

Not everyone is SO fortunate to meet a special someone while they are young, or at all. I haven't had any luck in my love life and smurf anyone who thinks that I don't deserve to be a mother b/c of my bad luck.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:"   I plan on having children ALONE as soon as I have my career settled and my education completed. ... [snip!] ... all. I haven't had any luck in my love life and smurf anyone who thinks that I don't deserve to be a mother b/c of my bad luck. "

Dont make it about something its not...Im sure you are very deserving of a child. But Im not thinking about this situation in terms of her wishes and desires, I'm thinking about the affects of growing up in a single parent home. I had an excellent mother, she provided me with all of the tools I need to survive and thrive in life. However she was not a father. There were certain things she couldnt teach and show me. Mothers cant be fathers.

Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" And I skimmed past you wanting to foster or adopt... honestly it's almost impossible for a single mother ... [snip!] ... you to have a job that would be put in jeopardy if you have to take time off work and you have no one to split the burden with."

I think it depends on the state, but here in Ohio you don't have to be independently wealthy to foster or adopt. Preference is usually given to couples, but singletons can also foster or adopt, especially if the child is a minority (the system is full to the brim with black and Hispanic children not being adopted by people).