Getting annoyed with BD's family (long)

Please dont quote.

Ok so here's the story: DS's father and I were basically just hooking up, either of us weren't looking for a relationship. Then we stopped seeing each other because.. well we wanted to move on and see other people. So we cut ties with each other. Then I suspected I was pregnant. I thought to myself that if I was, I would just get an abortion without telling anyone and pretend like nothing ever happened. But after I saw the positive test, there was a switch in my brain. It was like deep down, I knew I was going to keep DS regardless, but I kept my options open and thought maybe I should tell rhe father. So I did. and it did not go well. Over the span of 2 weeks, he made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with DS. So I went and had a sit down meeting with him and told him I was choosing to keep DS. I left his involvement open, meaning he may not be ready to be in DS's life now, but maybe in 10 years he might. I told him I would never consider child support, because I have a strong family & church who said they would help me. and lastly that i wouldn't bug him or talk smack about him. He didnt say much at our little meet other than "I dont know what to say" but the next day I got a call from his mom saying that THEY would love to be involved! So I was like ok. Then he told me later that night he wanted nothing to do with the baby, his mother's involvement was her own decision. I thought it was fine, the few times I met his mom, she seemed ok.
So I shared ultrasound pictures and the gender ultrasound with her at her request. and that was like it. but after DS was born, it was like a frenzied begun. I get being excited about a baby but it's awkward when you barely know these people and they're touching & kissing your baby with their nasty pot & cigarette tainted mouths & hands. DS is 3 months old now and I've only been with the father's family a few times. I don't mean to judge, but they're kind of repulsive. Really rough around the edges with drugs, which really disgusts me because I vowed never to touch another cigarette or drug when I found out I was pregnant. And they talk about baby sitting DS when I go back to school next month, which isn't going to happen because I got my schedule to go with my family's schedule. I guess they mean well, I just can't find myself to allow them time to be with DS unsupervised which is what they've been leaning towards. Things they comment about when talking to DS about him "gunna grow up and be a G (as in gangster) just like daddy" Then I kindly remind them No. Then they'll turn on music about drugs and guns. Then I have to no-so-kindly tell them that I no longer listen to that type of music and dont want it to be played around DS. Then they talk to DS in their baby voice and say "then we'll just have to wait til mommy's not around to listen to the cool music" WHEN IM RIGHT FREAKING THERE! I know he cant comprehend music, but I just wish DS's grandma would respect my wishes. They've said the same thing about giving EXCUSIVELY BF'd DS food and other drinks. Even after i told them no, they're like "he'll be fine"
DS's grandpa is another story. I don't think he likes me one bit and called me a stupid whore (because I was having sex with a 19 year old when I was still 17) when he was on the phone when i was with his ex-wife (DS's grandma)

They're giving me such a headache and its to the point where I've powered off my phone pretending I lost it and starting to regret ever bringing up my pregnancy with the father. I feel like I should have kept it to myself, but that being too late I wish i could just get out of the state and take my whole family with me, but that is only a dream....

I guess this was more of a vent, but oh well. feels good to let it all out

Make where you stand on these issues very clear to them and remind them theres no such thing as grandparent rights or at least in ny there isnt and if they can't follow your rules they will not be aloud to see your baby.

Quoting Aliana:" Please dont quote. Ok so here's the story: DS's father and I were basically just hooking up, either ... [snip!] ... whole family with me, but that is only a dream.... I guess this was more of a vent, but oh well. feels good to let it all out"

I would not put him on the birth certificate, that's for sure! If you did, that would give him automatic rights to visitation...did you?

Quoting Gemmas mommy!:" Make where you stand on these issues very clear to them and remind them theres no such thing as grandparent ... [snip!] ... as grandparent rights or at least in ny there isnt and if they can't follow your rules they will not be aloud to see your baby."

This!

You need to stand your ground. Tell them that it is YOUR child not theirs and they will either respect your wishes or keep their distance.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Gemmas mommy!:</b>" Make where you stand on these issues very clear to them and remind them theres no such thing as grandparent ... [snip!] ... as grandparent rights or at least in ny there isnt and if they can't follow your rules they will not be aloud to see your baby."</blockquote>



There are grandparent rights in California.
You're the mother and what you want should be respected but these people are already being allowed to see him and they will probably not want to stop. This is one of the risks of having casual sex. As fun as it is, you could make a baby with someone who you don't care to know forever. I happened to luck out and teally like the guys who accidentally got me pregnant after a few months of "just hooking up", enough so that i married him and made two more babies. Lol These people are your son's family, as awful as they sound, and hes going to be linked to them forever no matter what. Sorry dude but it is what it is.

Quoting S U Z I E:" I would not put him on the birth certificate, that's for sure! If you did, that would give him automatic rights to visitation...did you?"

No, the father is not on the birth certificate nor has he ever seen him. It's his mother, father, step mom and aunt im ripping my hair out over.

I also promised the father I wouldn't bug him over DS, but the family never stops bugging him and talking smack to him saying he "needs to man up" otherwise they're going to disown him (like his aunt didnt let him go to the whole family get-together thanksgiving dinner) i could give 10 smurfs less about the dads involvement and have no problems doing it on my own. I feel bad because I promised him.