re: What would you do??

Quoting Raωkeℓ:" I disagree. You learn the true character of someone when things get rough. She's running to another ... [snip!] ... know. I think I hold issues like this close to me because I've had friends go through this and see the effect it was on them."

Yes, and I agree that her actions are entirely wrong and disrespectful to her husband and her committment. She is going about this the wrong way.

I've been cheated on, I know it sucks, and I know it must be amplified by a zillion if you are far away from home and in dangerous situations.

I am not at all justifying her actions. But I do not think that she can be labled as a horrible person based on her being tempted to cheat and justifying it in her mind when her relationship is going downhill and she feels its ending.

I agree that she needs to just grab some balls and tell her husband it's over before she sleeps with someone else. But I do not think that cheating in itself makes anyone a horrible person. It's sad that your friends have had girlfriends or wives cheat on them, and it hurts no matter what your career is. But we have not been in those relationships, and don't know how the two people deal with each other. I just feel like it's an unfair judgement to make.... not that I agree with her actions. haha

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♥ ORIGINAL:</b>" She literally told me over the weekend. And as far as i know, nope no divorce papers have been filed, so yep shes cheating."</blockquote>




That's crap! And you also said she has had this new guy around her son, is it also her dh's son? Cause that smurf is so inappropriate.

Quoting ♥ ORIGINAL:" I told her she is still married and bawled her out for doing it. I even asked her if conseling would help. But she flat out says the marriage is over. She even has had him around her son."

Then... in that case... it really sucks. It really does.

But if it is over... it's over. And a divorce takes a long time to happen, many people have other relationships while they're waiting for their divorce to happen.

Hell. My dad was in a new relationship with a woman the first weekend he was out of my mom's house. Doesn't make him a horrible person... he did a smurfed up thing (and he knows that)... doesn't make him a bad person.

Quoting ♥ ORIGINAL:" To my understanding hes like 5 or 6 years younger and they met on campus of her school. So i dont think he is."

Woowww  
I feel bad for this man.

Quoting Jenna+1:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ♥ ORIGINAL:</b>" She literally told me over the weekend. ... [snip!] ... crap! And you also said she has had this new guy around her son, is it also her dh's son? Cause that smurf is so inappropriate."

Yep. Her and her husbands son. See...sticky predicament.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Doctor:</b>" Then... in that case... it really sucks. It really does. But if it is over... it's over. And a divorce ... [snip!] ... house. Doesn't make him a horrible person... he did a smurfed up thing (and he knows that)... doesn't make him a bad person."</blockquote>




Lol I got pregnant with DS and engaged only a two months after kicking my ex husband out. When I had DS I had a mess to deal with because where I live if you are married at time if conception your husband has to be on the BC. I didn't know that till I was in the hospital after delivering DS. It was scary. I had to rush all this paper work to my soon to be ex at the time for him to sign saying he knows he wasn't the dad. It was so freaking messy and nerve racking.
I'm very happy with my life and how everything went but it was still hard.

Quoting Raωkeℓ:" Woowww   I feel bad for this man."

Yeah hes pretty much in the middle of it too.

Quoting The Doctor:" Then... in that case... it really sucks. It really does. But if it is over... it's over. And a divorce ... [snip!] ... house. Doesn't make him a horrible person... he did a smurfed up thing (and he knows that)... doesn't make him a bad person."

Here in NC you have to be legally seperated before divorce can occur. But to my knowledge she and her husband havent talked about divorce. She just says all the fighting and arguing is gonna LEAD to divorce. So i dont think her husband has any idea that she is contemplating one.

Quoting ♥ ORIGINAL:" Here in NC you have to be legally seperated before divorce can occur. But to my knowledge she and her ... [snip!] ... all the fighting and arguing is gonna LEAD to divorce. So i dont think her husband has any idea that she is contemplating one."

Hm. I see.

Eh, yeah. I would just be honest with her about what you think of what she's doing. If I was ever doing something that was going to make one of my friends lose respect for me, I would want to know.

How long have they been married and how long has he been deployed?

Quoting The Doctor:" Hm. I see. Eh, yeah. I would just be honest with her about what you think of what she's doing. If ... [snip!] ... of my friends lose respect for me, I would want to know. How long have they been married and how long has he been deployed?"

Married 6 years and he just deployed the begining of this month.

Quoting ♥ ORIGINAL:" Married 6 years and he just deployed the begining of this month."

How long have they been fighting for? And is their child a baby?

Seems like she might just be freaking the smurf out about the deployment and being lonely.

Eh. Again. I'm not justifying any of her actions, and I think you're being a good friend by telling her the truth about what you think.

The husband is deployed. Absolutely do not tell him until he is home

I think it's pretty terrible she has put you in this position knowing that you and your DH are friends with her DH. It's not like you are first and foremost her friend and have no other connection to her DH....... Urgh it's quite a difficult one. I wouldn't tell him while he is deployed, I would imagine he has enough to deal with at the moment. I do think you should tell him to be honest, as you and your Husband's friend there is also loyality there to him for you, not just her. I would just explain to her that due to her putting you in this position knowing you and your DH's loyality also lays with her DH you have no other option but to tell him if she doesn't.

I had a similar situation about 6 years ago. My childhood friend and I were good friends with a girl and she had been with her boyfriend for 4 years and she started cheating on him with a guy she met at Uni..... Problem was we were both friends with her boyfriend too. My now DH was childhood friends with him so it was really awkward all round, we decided to keep quiet about it thinking it wasn't our place. Sure enough she broke up with him and he was suspicious someone else was involved but she denied it, he came to us questioning and we had to stand there and lie saying we knew nothing. He eventually found out she had been cheating for months and that everyone knew and he was devastated because he not only had to deal with the deception of the cheating but the deception of people he considered friends, he didn't know who to trust anymore. So yes don't you also decieve him, put in that position again I would act differently and I would tell.

Quoting The Doctor:" How long have they been fighting for? And is their child a baby? Seems like she might just be freaking ... [snip!] ... I'm not justifying any of her actions, and I think you're being a good friend by telling her the truth about what you think."

Im not sure how long they have been fighting, but she makes it seem like she has been miserable in the marriage from the start. And her son is 4, so old enough to know that the guy shes hanging around with isnt daddy.