what do you do when you lose the only person who really unde

i'll try to keep this short but im kind of a emotional mess right now so sorry if its super long.

i lost my mother in law in June from cancer. She was diagnosed in october 2011 so she didnt have much time. I cant even begin to explain how much i loved her. I called her Mumsie, told her everything, looked up to her and we had so much in common. Shes everything i wish i could be.The things she went through with her mom, dad and husband are the same things i went through with mine and her son (my ex) so i really went to her alot for advice. She always stood up for me when my ex was being horrible to me, always made sure i felt beautiful & loved, treated & called me her daughter. She was the perfect mom and grandma. I remember her crying and jumping up and down when we told her we were having a baby. And she loved our son more than anything, as well he adored her.

Anyways, after she died i was feeling hopeless and depressed so i tried my best to ignore those feelings, which worked for a bit because shortly after her passing i met my new boyfriend who is the guy ive been waiting for for a long time (its like she sent me him). But the last couple months all i do is think about her and wish i could have dreams about her because she was such a beautiful person inside and out. I cry hysterically probably 2-3 times a week on bad weeks. I feel SO incredibly hopeless and alone because ive never known anyone who got me like her. She was my rock, and now that shes gone i feel like im lost and cant ever find someone like that again.

I just dont know what to do anymore. If i could have one thing on christmas it would be to give her one last hug and have her say "it will be okay sweetie".

If your having a hard time grieving on your own, seek counseling. Sorry about your loss, feel better soon.