VENT VENT VENT

I AM SO ANNOYED. My boyfriend is so smurfing secretive. He deletes his Facebook for weeks at a time and then opens it again. It's FULL of girls and ones that I have problems with from past history! And he changes the code on his phone almost every day because one time I caught him texting other girls making jokes about being their boyfriend and going to the club. He literally has no time to cheat, he works five days a week for long hours and spends the rest of his free time with me. But I LITERALLY am up to my ears with the stress of feeling like I can't trust him. Baby or not, I WILL not stay if it doesn't start getting better. I REFUSE to be cheated on.
END VENT. Ugh.

Technology has turned you into a crazy person.

If you can't trust a man with his own phone and his own facebook account, then you don't need to be with him.

He's friends with these girls on facebook....he's not banging them. And if he is, leave him. I'm sure you're friends with guys on facebook.

I don't know why you would need the code for his phone, that's just weird.

That being said, I don't see why two people in a healthy relationship would need to hide passwords or phone codes from one another. Granted, I also don't see why you would need them. Don't be with someone you feel like you need stalk.

He's a grown man, he can make his own decisions, he doesn't need you telling him what's right and wrong. If he can't make good decisions on his own, leave him. But you don't need to be teaching him how to make them. You're not his mother so don't act like it.

Do you think he is being even more secretive because you are prying a little bit?

Quoting Smokey_Taboo:" Do you think he is being even more secretive because you are prying a little bit? "

I think he's being secretive because his definition of having female friends is MUCH different than mine. I knew this dude was too young in his head for me. I just don't have time to feel like this.

He wants to have his cake and eat it too

Without trust the relationship is less likely to work out and your always going to drive yourself crazy thinking he's up to something, if he's going to cheat then he will find a way. Maybe calm down a little with him or your just going to push him away or push him into doing something.

Quoting Red Bottom:" Technology has turned you into a crazy person. If you can't trust a man with his own phone and his own ... [snip!] ... on his own, leave him. But you don't need to be teaching him how to make them. You're not his mother so don't act like it."

I agree, but like I mentioned before, I think his definition of appropriate is much different than mine. I just can't stand the stressful feeling of worrying all the time. Especially since he isn't home right now.

Don't look for something you don't want to find.

You're getting upset at him for having a passcode on his phone....that you like to go through....

And for having facebook friends that you don't want him to....

He hasn't done anything (aside from the past issues you've worked through), you're the one invading his privacy, and I doubt that's helping the situation.

Quoting Loka Lokita:" I agree, but like I mentioned before, I think his definition of appropriate is much different than mine. ... [snip!] ... than mine. I just can't stand the stressful feeling of worrying all the time. Especially since he isn't home right now."

But you've already worked past the issue of him flirting with girls in the past, so you either need to let it go and stop trying to babysit his every move, or let him go and be with someone you don't feel like you have to snoop on.

Quoting Red Bottom:" Don't look for something you don't want to find. You're getting upset at him for having a passcode on ... [snip!] ... from the past issues you've worked through), you're the one invading his privacy, and I doubt that's helping the situation. "

I think the bigger part of the issue is that my son's dad cheated on me with prostitutes while I was pregnant with our son and then he left the country and never came back when I was about 4 months along. I am terrified of being a single mom of 3. I am terrified of losing him after I finally started letting myself get close to him and started telling him really personal stuff. It might just be Facebook and weird bad feelings but it goes deeper than that for me. I just don't think I am ready for a relationship.

Quoting Loka Lokita:" I think the bigger part of the issue is that my son's dad cheated on me with prostitutes while I was ... [snip!] ... just be Facebook and weird bad feelings but it goes deeper than that for me. I just don't think I am ready for a relationship."

#1 go to therapy and work on whatever you need to work on to stop blaming future people for past issues.
#2 stop getting pregnant by people you're not married to.
#3 don't settle for someone you can't trust because you're embarrassed to be a single mom of 3.....you got pregnant 3 times....it's reality, take it or leave it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Loka Lokita:</b>" I think the bigger part of the issue is that my son's dad cheated on me with prostitutes while I was ... [snip!] ... just be Facebook and weird bad feelings but it goes deeper than that for me. I just don't think I am ready for a relationship."</blockquote>


If I pried that much and babysat my DH the way you said you do with your SO he would leave. If he did it to me and wasn't willing to seek help to work on his issues I would be done.

Quoting Red Bottom:" #1 go to therapy and work on whatever you need to work on to stop blaming future people for past issues. ... [snip!] ... trust because you're embarrassed to be a single mom of 3.....you got pregnant 3 times....it's reality, take it or leave it."

I agree!