It's been a year...

Christmas is my favorite time of year and has been since I started dating my husband. But it's just really hard this year and I'm trying not to let it show.
I found out I was pregnant on Christmas Eve last year. We had been trying for a few months and I was just so excited that we had found out in time to tell everyone for the holidays. I was due August 27th.
Well, the joy was short lived. I found out in January that I was miscarrying and had an emergency D&C in early February.
I have a beautiful three week old little boy so I feel bad/guilty about feeling this way. I adore my little boy and obviously he wouldn't be here if I hadn't miscarried. But I still think about what if and remember the pain. I don't want it to taint today for me, Christmas Eve is better than Christmas for us, but I don't know.

Hugs.  

You shouldn't feel bad for grieving. It's normal to wonder what might have been. Glad you got your rainbow baby.

Quoting Squeaky McGee:" Hugs.   You shouldn't feel bad for grieving. It's normal to wonder what might have been. Glad you got your rainbow baby."

Thank you. I don't know how I feel or how I should feel half the time. It's not like it was, I think I spent nearly every day crying for the first two months, but it still gets to me sometimes. I'm happy to have my son but I wish I could have somehow had them both.