Quoting hobbit*:" I'm not comfortable holding it the way most videos tuts show, I find it fiddly. I can't find any videos ... [snip!] ... holding it different, but they all go too fast for me to see properly lol. I know its a hard question to answer lol but Help?"
I hold mine pretty much like a pencil slightly different. I dont like the jabby, awkward methods Ive seen.
As for the yarn, I hold it much differently. I wrap it around my thumb and forefinger a funky way, it provides a great way for me to give the right tension and amount of thread. It may be unconventional but I like it.