sacrificing for a wedding

Now before I start I want people to understand that in my country I can't just go and purchase a wedding certificate at the courthouse, I actually have to have a celebrant marry us. The cheapest wedding available is roughly $520 (including lodgement of the certificate).

With recent posts on BG and with people IRL, I'm beginning to doubt my own relationship. We've been together 9 years and classified as legal defacto (filled out paperwork), which is sort of like common law, for around 8 1/2 now. We're engaged and even have wedding rings purchase from a huge sale a couple of years ago.

However we haven't gotten around to saving up for even the cheapest wedding. We moved into a brand new house three years ago which we still haven't got around to finishing yet. I needed a new car. Had a baby. Other expenses have taken precedence.

Now I'm being pushed from several directions and informed that my relationship isn't really a commitment and that I have to get married before DS goes to school. I was hoping to go back to University next year and have been saving like mad to afford the books I'll need.

Other people I went to school with have recently made huge sacrifices to be able to afford weddings. One refused to buy her kids Christmas presents because the wedding was a family present. And another sold her car so she could get married in Bali.

I'm beginning to doubt my relationship and my own commitment and am considering having a sit down with SO and asking whether he thinks it would be best for us to break up so that he can find someone willing to make these sacrifices.

Is your SO one of the many who's pushing you to make this commitment? IMO, if it weren't cheap & I didn't have the money, I would hold off. Life still goes on, being married is just that.. being married. Your future depends on alot more than a ring on your finger, KWIM?

Smurf that.

Forget what anyone else says about being married, etc..(.especially Americans on BG). It's so different here.

You don't have to do anything you can't afford to please other people. If you're fine the way you are, so be it.

Your relationship isn't about what anyone else thinks.

IMO, if you guys are comfortable where you are in life and don't feel within yourselves (ignoring outside influence) that you need to get married, don't bother.

My aunt was engaged for 9 years, with the guy for about 13. They never got married. Had my uncle lived, they still wouldn't have. They just didn't feel the need to. My aunts new partner has been in the picture for about 10 years now? No marriage. Don't need one or want one. They are happy where they are.

If the cheapest wedding is abour $520 could you do that? Maybe get married in a park, they're free. Do a really simple ceremony with a few friends.

Quoting ma ♥:" Is your SO one of the many who's pushing you to make this commitment? IMO, if it weren't cheap & ... [snip!] ... still goes on, being married is just that.. being married. Your future depends on alot more than a ring on your finger, KWIM?"

I agree....

It'll just be a piece of paper saying you're married.

Quoting ma ♥:" Is your SO one of the many who's pushing you to make this commitment? IMO, if it weren't cheap & ... [snip!] ... still goes on, being married is just that.. being married. Your future depends on alot more than a ring on your finger, KWIM?"

No he's not one of the ones pushing me.

Sell the rings for scrap gold and get married. If he's the one not willing, get out. He's playing you.

Quoting Stl mama:" Sell the rings for scrap gold and get married. If he's the one not willing, get out. He's playing you."

So not true. Really. Not true.

Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" Smurf that. Forget what anyone else says about being married, etc..(.especially Americans on BG). It's ... [snip!] ... to please other people. If you're fine the way you are, so be it. Your relationship isn't about what anyone else thinks."

I agree completely!

Don't let outside forces influence your relationship!

Quoting Stl mama:" Sell the rings for scrap gold and get married. If he's the one not willing, get out. He's playing you."

WTF.........

Quoting Stl mama:" Sell the rings for scrap gold and get married. If he's the one not willing, get out. He's playing you."

WTF.........

Quoting LumpySpacePrincess:" IMO, if you guys are comfortable where you are in life and don't feel within yourselves (ignoring outside ... [snip!] ... is abour $520 could you do that? Maybe get married in a park, they're free. Do a really simple ceremony with a few friends."

The cheapest celebrant in the area is $500 and then the wedding cert lodgement would be on top of that. The $520 is at the registry office.

Quoting Stl mama:" Sell the rings for scrap gold and get married. If he's the one not willing, get out. He's playing you."

I'm not going to get $520 worth of scrap metal out of $150 worth of rings. And how is he playing me if I'm the one who has been putting it off?

Quoting Stl mama:" Sell the rings for scrap gold and get married. If he's the one not willing, get out. He's playing you."

Did you even read the OP?

Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" Now before I start I want people to understand that in my country I can't just go and purchase a wedding ... [snip!] ... and asking whether he thinks it would be best for us to break up so that he can find someone willing to make these sacrifices."

Honestly, I am very pro marriage. I think that it's what you do when you love someone, (calm down people, I know that's not the case but when people are together for a long time and not married, I always just assume they aren't stable. I'm working on it)

But, I would never, ever, ever suggest that you put your college, children, or even something your kids want over a wedding. That's silly, I'm not doubting your commitment to your SO, it's not like you have to sacrifice your education or it's over. It's not over it's just not like.. sealed? For lack of a better word.

No smurf that, you just keep doing what your doing until you have EXTRA money, it doesn't mean you're doubting a damn thing.