re: Long, but I need serious advice.

I'm not saying you should treat your relationship like a piece of rubbish, but your relationship SHOULD have a strong foundation of trust and it sounds like there are trust issues there. I wouldn't be TTC with a man who isn't sure he could be faithful just because someone he once had a past with was crashing with us for a few days. I think you need to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. And you need to find out where you guys stand with each other. If he isn't on the same level as you are, that may be something you need to examine further and decide if you are willing to deal with that or not.

Well, with my ex I wanted a 3some and we were working on finding a third when I found out I was pregnant, and pretty much overnight the thought went from turning me on to turning me way the hell off.

He bugged me about it and said really awful things about it until he eventually cheated on me.

Not saying your s/o would, but I'd behaving some huuuuuge problems with him over this.

Quoting ILOVEWINE:" I think I would have a pretty honest talk with him and make 100% sure you are what he wants. And ask ... [snip!] ... into the idea of a threesome and just got really excited about her staying there because in his mind in might have happened."

Right. I think the threesome is just on his mind... and I can't blame him, he's a man. I just don't understand it. I do find women attractive, but I don't see EVERY ONE and be like, "Oh man... I wanna take her home!" KWIM? I don't know why it's so different for a man.

<blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" Yeah. His first love. Which, that I can understand. As smurfed up as it is, I can understand him not ... [snip!] ... up asked her if she still wanted him   And she said no, but that he's a very good listener and she appreciates that."</blockquote>


Is she the one though that was like, a friend he was into, but who wasn't into hhim back? Or is that ssomeone else?

IDK. Its make me uncomfortable that his "type" seems to be "if it has a vagina"  
But we also don't have an open marriage, and didn't have an open relationship. So IDK how all that goes.

Quoting Mayhem.:" <blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" Yeah. His first love. Which, that I can understand. ... [snip!] ... it has a vagina"   But we also don't have an open marriage, and didn't have an open relationship. So IDK how all that goes."

That's exactly how he is, too   "Omg... vagina. WANT"

But really. I know he loves me. But do you remember me telling you how his ex was? She put parental locks on his TV and computer so he couldn't watch porn. She'd cry if he watched a nude scene in a movie. She'd storm out of the room or wherever they were if she caught him looking at another girl. FREAKED on him for the stupidest smurf. I think it's such a shock that he's with me... and I pretty much don't care about him doing any of those things. So I think he's just sticking his hand WAY too far into the honey jar and doesn't know his boundaries.

<blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" That's exactly how he is, too   "Omg... vagina. WANT" But really. I know he loves me. But do you ... [snip!] ... any of those things. So I think he's just sticking his hand WAY too far into the honey jar and doesn't know his boundaries."</blockquote>


Time to put a mouse trap in the honey jar  

Quoting Mayhem.:" <blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" That's exactly how he is, too   "Omg... vagina. ... [snip!] ... far into the honey jar and doesn't know his boundaries."</blockquote> Time to put a mouse trap in the honey jar  "

 

The girl gets off work at 7:30.. SO is seeing if she wants to go out to eat and then possibly see a movie with us. If he doesn't make it awkward, or make douche bag threesome comments... I might feel a little more comfortable letting her crash here for a little bit. But I'm not telling him that... gonna just sit back and watch  

I wouldn't let her in the house. Plain and simple.

Wow. You need to step back and reevaluate you and your boyfriend's relationship. He should be able to be around an ex and not be concerned about cheating on you with them. Hopefully you will be putting TTC on hold. Your relationship isn't solid and the last thing you want to do is bring a baby into the situation.

Quoting kthx.:" I know he won't cheat. That's one thing I can trust him for. He does flirt, hell I do, too. But he's ... [snip!] ... ...now he's like, "Well do you want me to see if she wants to go out with us tonight? Clear her head?" This man.... I swear."

Sounds more like he's backtracking.

There is not room for a 3rd person in your relationship, friend or not.
I would feel awkward having an ex and a current partner in the same living space.
And what if her boyfriend suspects she is cheating with him, and comes down to your house to beat the smurf out of him?

I would suggest to her to either work things out in her own home and relationship, or get a hotel.

Quoting DisneyMommyTTC#3:" There is not room for a 3rd person in your relationship, friend or not. I would feel awkward having an ... [snip!] ... beat the smurf out of him? I would suggest to her to either work things out in her own home and relationship, or get a hotel."

Supposedly they're broken up... but he's letting her live with him because she has nowhere else to go.


She's working tonight and doesn't have money to go out with us. And she's made no attempt to ask to stay here... so I don't think it's gonna be an issue. I told him how I felt about it and he apologized.. saying he didn't mean it like that. IDK. Still makes me weary.

I'm bi also, and I told my SO I would be fine with a threesome cause I know it's one of his fantasys and I've tried it before. But one of my friends drunkenly joked about a threesome and he got it in her head it would be a great idea. Firstly I don't find my friend that attractive, I know she doesn't like woman and she's clingy so..so it would be a bad choice...took ages to get it through my SOs mind that she wasn't the one for us. But I think then a man knows their partner is Bi they are more for looking out for chances..

<blockquote><b>Quoting *PeanutButter*:</b>" At least he was honest And he didn't say he still loved her,just that he wouldn't feel comfortable doing ... [snip!] ... feelings might resurface I can understand why you're upset but at least he was decent enough to be honest with you and not lie"</blockquote>

Agreed. The important thing is he told you straight up instead of being secretive about it. It's fine to feel upset about what he's said but not at him since he was honest with you about potential feelings. At the same time, if trusting him is difficult for you, in my opinion, you 2 really have some things to really work through before trying to conceive a child & taking your relationship to that next step.