..............................

.....................................

Personally I would end it.

Make him take a surprise drug test. If he won't take it he's dirty, no doubt in my mind.
I have gone through the SAME thing and we are still struggling with it after 4 yrs :/
Drug addicts are so hard to deal with, live with and help if they don't want it. I'd be pissed off that he couldn't just play nice and get through the program to be with you and the kids...
That's HIS fault, he needs to deal with it.

Quoting ღSheilaღ:" Is being so selfish   Really-i just need to vent and get some opinions...... Long story short-he was ... [snip!] ... through so much these past years that i feel like i can't take much more...i'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown  "

i say end the relationship. if he can't understand the fact that he needs to be sober before he can be around you and the kids, then he is being completely selfish... jmo.

Thats only something that you have to decide. You only know how many times have you went through this and if you want to go through it again. Try getting some counseling hun is always giod,to talk about this so you wont make the same mistakes. Happy holidays and hope whatever you decide you and your kids are happy at the end.

Screw that. I'd break up with him and focus on myself and kids then when ready seek someone that doesn't involve court orders

I'm scared that he might hurt himself if i do end the relationship......I like the drug test idea though. He has thrown that at me when i have accused him of using. I've been with the man almost a year and he has done so much for me and is such a great person when he's sober. I have faith that he can do this---which is why i think i still deal with it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ღSheilaღ:</b>" I'm scared that he might hurt himself if i do end the relationship......I like the drug test idea though. ... [snip!] ... me and is such a great person when he's sober. I have faith that he can do this---which is why i think i still deal with it."</blockquote>




One year isnot enough to know the guy. Be careful hun. Dont feel obligated.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ღSheilaღ:</b>" I'm scared that he might hurt himself if i do end the relationship......I like the drug test idea though. ... [snip!] ... me and is such a great person when he's sober. I have faith that he can do this---which is why i think i still deal with it."</blockquote>



You shouldn't be with some one for fear of what they'll do when you leave them. Why would you want that instability in front of your kids?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brink:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ღSheilaღ:</b>" I'm scared that he might hurt himself ... [snip!] ... be with some one for fear of what they'll do when you leave them. Why would you want that instability in front of your kids?"</blockquote>


Exactly!

Quoting ღSheilaღ:" I'm scared that he might hurt himself if i do end the relationship......I like the drug test idea though. ... [snip!] ... me and is such a great person when he's sober. I have faith that he can do this---which is why i think i still deal with it."

then there is a problem in your relationship right there. you can't be responsible for someone taking their life if you break up with them. as much as you love them, it is not your responsibility to keep them alive by being in a relationship with them.... i'm sorry. i don't mean to be harsh, but i had an online bf do that to me once in college. he said he'd kill himself if i broke up with him, so i didn't. but i didn't want to be "with" him anymore (even though it was only online and we never met in person, lol), so i tried to end it again and he said the same thing, but i just told him i can't be responsible for what he does. i didn't want him to hurt/kill himself, but it is not my responsibility to stop him and i couldn't if he really wanted to, you know? i know it's a little different because it wasn't "real" relationship, but.... i still think staying with him so he doesn't commit suicide is a lot to take on for you, emotionally.

Well he hasn't ever acted out in front of the kids or anything.....but he has threatened to hurt himself before when i tried to end the relationship.
I don't know but i know i can't see him anymore until he's in the program again so i guess i will just see how this plays out.
I have a lot of issues and i'm working on them and trying to be the best mom i can be.

Quoting ღSheilaღ:" Well he hasn't ever acted out in front of the kids or anything.....but he has threatened to hurt himself ... [snip!] ... i will just see how this plays out. I have a lot of issues and i'm working on them and trying to be the best mom i can be."

this is unhealthy behavior for him and you and your relationship! i seriously think you need to talk to someone about this. he is making you feel as if his life depends on you and you being with him. that's no okay, and not how it should be. you should be able to voice your opinions and feelings without fearing he is going to take his own life because of what you say/do.

Quoting ღSheilaღ:" I'm scared that he might hurt himself if i do end the relationship......I like the drug test idea though. ... [snip!] ... me and is such a great person when he's sober. I have faith that he can do this---which is why i think i still deal with it."

I stayed with SO for 3 yrs because of those reasons, but they weren't enough. When I left him nothing changed until I stopped letting him see our son completely. He took me to court, I told them he did drugs, they drug tested him multiple times which he failed and they ordered him to detox and rehab. He finally got clean(after all the suboxone clinics and methadone clinics that never worked when we were together).
Once I saw a MAJOR difference I told him I wanted to try to work things out. We were broken up for almost a yr at that point though. I had dated other guys, lived my life, etc. and it felt really good to know that I would be fine without him and I was really happy and less stressed out after I left him. It took me 3 yrs but I finally did it and it was the best thing I ever did.
He admitted he thought I'd never leave, that he hadn't respected me etc.
Now we're getting married in 2 days. He has slipped up twice and immediately gone back to rehab and meetings. He also lets me freely drug test him whenever I have suspicions. If he ever denied one I would know he was using again.

Honestly, I thought a bunch of times in the past that he had changed but he really hadn't and deep down I was lying to myself. He is a completely different person now and I can tell. He still gets bad cravings every single day of his life and it's a giant struggle for him but the difference is he's choosing to stay clean for his family and himself.
Your SO is smurfing around and not being serious. So yes, you should leave because otherwise nothing will change.

Thank you all for your opinions and comments........I'm just going to focus on me and my kids for right now.....if he does whats right then he might be back in the picture but i'm not gonna worry about that right now.