I cried today..my first day alone with baby

Before I got pregnant I was on meds for a chemical imbalance in my brain as well as post traumatic stress disorder and depression. As a result of my PTSD and depression I suffer from panic/anxiety attacks. I've only had a few anxiety attacks where i just got so worn down.I'm not allowed on mymeds while preg or breastfeeding, so I started smoking again...And I'm sleeping but not that well.Today I got so worn down and frusterated while being alone with her I just started bawling... I got so frusterated and impatient that i raised my voice at my 5 day old baby girl! WTF kinda mother am I??? No wonder I've started smoking again... Sometimes I just feel like I'm not a good enough mom for Ari... I've cried a few times, not just cried but bawled... I remember sitting on my couch looking at my crying baby, who wasn't hungery or anything just cranky thinking I can't do this...I know I'm a good Mom, I know I can do this... I just felt SO helpless for that moment,I felt like a bad Mom and I keep thinking what is wrong with me?? I know I'm pretty but I find myself looking at the mirror thinking what a ugly duckling sometimes..Hating my stretch marks, I even felt a slight ping of hatred when my baby wouldnt stop crying! Not towards her, but towards her cry... I'm so mixed up and confused, I remember sitting with her earlier crying and tell both of us it was gunna be ok..Has anyone gone through this... I feel like crying half the time and the other half i don't want any one to touch her but me...I was told this is just baby blues... but when will it go away????...I just need someone else to tell me it will be ok..

that could also be some ppd =[ i hope everything gets better

i know exactly what ur going thru.
i still do it sometimes..
i think its the lack of sleep..and just stress from having the baby.
if there is ANYONE that can keep ur baby to get some alone time to ur self u need to do that.. it will help ur destress.

Quoting MamaJessieRabbit:“ Before I got pregnant I was on meds for a chemical imbalance in my brain as well as post traumatic stress ... [snip!] ... me...I was told this is just baby blues... but when will it go away????...I just need someone else to tell me it will be ok..”

aww hun that doesn't make you a bad mommy. you still love her and didn't hurt her right? smoking isn't all that bad, as long as your not doing it next to her. i fear the same thing will happen to me when my son is born. hope you feel better soon

The first few months can be so hard. Give yourself a break. I had moments like that after having my son .. mostly because I was alone and he was a very fussy baby which is really hard .Try making some time for yourself to take a bath put makeup on that kind of stuff have somone else take care of her for an hour or two just to let you pamper yourself.. maybe go get a new hair cut or something. Good luck and if you ever need to vent Im always available. **hugs**

A lot of people go through what you are feeling.  I think you should talk to your ob/gyn about it, they deal with ppd all the time, and will know how best to help you deal with your feelings.  I felt a lot of what you described, I definitely remember just holding Adison and crying because I felt so overwhelmed.  Definitely call your dr and let them know how you are feeling!  And remember: you ARE a good mom and it gets better.

GIRL i go through that same shit some days i just think i cant do it and my girl is 2 months...it sucks and havnt had my dr appt yet and i told them how bad it was but they dont seem to care..... suckssss ass but im trying to deal wit it the best i can the past three days have been good days

it will get better. jon and i found the mysterious and sometimes very loud crying our daughter did in the first month and a half to be extremely difficult. i found it very difficult since i was home alone with her after the 8th day.

it will get better. opal cries less and less and when she cries we find there is usually a reason for it now and resolving the issue tends to stop they crying. she smiles and makes a funny little giggle now and the more she grows the more ways she finds to communicate beyond the dreaded crying.

cheer up. you can do this. no one can do it as well as you. you have to do it.
and, yes, it does get better.

It can b tough, all the hormones and emotions, and not 2 mention the new baby !!! I promise it gets better and u wont even remember this!!!! stay strong!!!

I am going through this at the moment as well and my babie is 4 months,I also have started back smoking,I would call your dr good luck.

Thanks ladies, its nice to be reassured I'm not alone... I think I'm starting to get sick, my throat is hurting and my glands are getting swollen. No I would never hurt my baby...I love her so much, and I dont smoke near her. Her one month apt is next week, maybe I'll mention it to my Dr while we're there... i think i might go shower and have a nap..My throats starting to really hurt   I haven't been sick in SO long...

Quoting lilmama316:“ GIRL i go through that same shit some days i just think i cant do it and my girl is 2 months...it sucks ... [snip!] ... they dont seem to care..... suckssss ass but im trying to deal wit it the best i can the past three days have been good days”

I went to my doc about it and he gave me anti-d's ffs. 

im so sorry hun. its definately hard doing things all alone like that. i was so scared when my mom went back to work. you are a great mom and every great mom gets frustrated now and then. i has the baby blues for i think the first week home. its different for everyone. it could also be lack of sleep if shes not sleeping well at night. if it doesnt get better or gets worse soon talk to your dr. they will be able to help you. i love you lots and i wish i were there. i would totally help you out. just keep your head up and stay strong. its tough but youll get through it  

My daughter is only 5 days and i've been really emotional and crying at night when since i've been home. I've been over whelmed with my whole breastfeeding situation and I feel like i'm not doing my part. I would just want to hold her and tell her I love her and that i'm sorry latching on is so hard for us. I was so scared of her becoming jaundice and making sure she has wet diapers and everything. Trust me, you're not alone with the emotions. I'm so thankful I have such a great significant other. he's my main supporter. If you need to talk about anything i will be emotional with you!  

I was like that after Savanna was born. She was my second child and a lot more difficult than her older brother. Breastfeeding was a battle (we had a lot of problems) and she ate so often I didn't sleep for days on end. I found myself sobbing and screaming right along with her. I thought I was losing my mind. Maybe I was. It was an awful feeling.

You need to get away, if even for a few short hours. It will really help for you to take a breather.

I know when we finally figured her problem was my breastmilk, or lack thereof, and we put her on formula that helped immensely with her fussiness. She was three months when we figured it out. So, for three months, I was an emotional wreck.