re: Woman punishes son publicly...

Quoting justanothamotha:" So your theory is that you were inherently rotten (born that way) & nothing anyone did was going ... [snip!] ... going to actually elicit in you a more loving & kind attitude? You had to have it punished into you to be a decent person?"

No I was just a teen and didn't care. Did I say I was born that way? Nope. Nor did I say it had to be punished into me. I matured and don't act that way now. I am a loving and kind person but as a kid I did as I PLEASED. Because I was having fun with it.

Quoting justanothamotha:" MY child isn't a "perfect angel" all the time. I wouldn't expect any child to be but this goes well beyond ... [snip!] ... your raising & just tell a teacher to F off out of nowhere. There is something that is going on well before that occurs. "

That doesn't necessarily mean she taught him to be that way. I think it's clear by the fact that she punished him that she does not allow him to act that way. If he were raised to be disrespectful I highly doubt his mother would punish him so publicly. My mom raised us with respect but that didn't stop my little sister from cussing out teachers and having to be restrained by the police.

Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:" That's not true. Plenty of disrespectful little smurfs have parents who teach them to be respectful. ... [snip!] ... who tried to drill that into their kids. But especially around peers kids are going to be more likely to act like douches."

This exactly.

My friend in high school had it good growing up. Beyond good. Great parents, great life. She started doing stupid smurf her senior year and after she graduated, she started dating this girl and doing meth. Peers have so much more influence over kids than their parents.

Parents can only do so much initially. How they decide to hand their kids being little smurfs is the most important, IMO.

Quoting wombie:" this.....absolutely this! I am a prime example of this. I was an smurf between the ages of 12-15ish. ... [snip!] ... sound like that is the case here. ......and once again, I have typed out a novel   I doubt anyone will read this, lol"

Totally awesome novel and I read every word  

Same here. I was an smurf after I graduated high school. My parents were the greatest parents ever. I felt like rebelling and acting like dumb. Not my parents fault... I just sucked. Haha.

Quoting Sami&Baby Silas:" I love the points you make!"

thank you  

Quoting justanothamotha:" I never said the punishment is damaging. I just don't think it is actually effective at learning why ... [snip!] ... can help to make things better for other people instead of always thinking of themselves. You can take that for what it is."

I absolutely, 100% agree with your entire last paragraph. Many kids lack gratitude because they have no understanding of the world outside of their own little box. I think it's wonderful to expose kids to those who are less fortunate and also to expose them to service and volunteerism. I am a huge advocate of that and this is one thing we can definitely agree on.

I do not agree with the notion that you can make a child be "sorry" for his or her actions. I think that remorse comes from within. There are things that a parent can do to help the child find empathy and remorse (such as showing them exactly how they've made others feel by allowing them to feel the same way), however, if the kid isn't sorry, they just aren't sorry and nothing the parent can say or do will ever change that. Of course, we want our children to be sorry when they've screwed up and be sorry for the right reasons.....not just because they got caught, but only that child knows whether he or she is REALLY sorry. I also think that maturity also plays a big role. It's hard for kids to understand the feelings of other people......around age 7ish, they are developmentally able to start stepping outside of the self centered way of thinking and begin to experience true empathy. Not to say that younger children are incapable of feeling empathy because I have seen it in my children when they were as young as 18 months - 2 years old, however, until around the age of 7 they are predominately self centered....which is part of normal development. At 12 years old, they are absolutely able to experience empathy and have been able to for a while, but due to the lack of life experience, it doesn't always happen and sometimes the best way for them to learn it is to have karma kick them in the ass.

I kinda feel like I'm being repetitive in my posts though, so I'm sorry for that. lol

Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:" I think it's crazy when parents are freaked out by parents kissing their newbs/infants/toddlers/kids on the lips. I couldn't imagine snuggling with DD and not giving her a few pecks."

I will kiss the hell out of DD until she reaches the age where she tells me to stop. lol

Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:" Totally awesome novel and I read every word   Same here. I was an smurf after I graduated high ... [snip!] ... were the greatest parents ever. I felt like rebelling and acting like dumb. Not my parents fault... I just sucked. Haha."

haha! thanks  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:</b>" I wasn't allowed to have a phone until I could pay for it myself. A phone is a luxury, not a necessity."</blockquote>

I don't believe I said that. I don't believe it's a necessity for a teen to have one. However, if my child is like me and gets herself involved in after school programs, and sports then yes a phone will be needed.

Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):" <blockquote><b>Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:</b>" I wasn't allowed to have a phone until ... [snip!] ... However, if my child is like me and gets herself involved in after school programs, and sports then yes a phone will be needed."

Ummm I did lots of after school activities & sports & things, all with no cell phone. You certainly can't think those activities got invented after all kids got cell phones? And you *can* get phones that only allow certain numbers to be called, so they can be programmed to only call mom, dad, their work numbers, gramma as a back up, etc. They don't have to be completely open to sending & receiving messages from everyone, although that option seems to be seldom selected by parents.

Like I said, I had a teen in my house. I learned very quickly what cell phones are mostly used for & there is no need for one, at all, regardless of how many activities they get involved in. For sure, it can make things easier, but they also can be a way to easily get around parents & for parents to have no idea who their kid is in contact with. I think many parents have their kids with cells so they can keep in constant contact too & be more controlling - since they can call teh kid at any moment & they sometimes do.