Quoting wombie:" this.....absolutely this! I am a prime example of this. I was an smurf between the ages of 12-15ish. ... [snip!] ... sound like that is the case here. ......and once again, I have typed out a novel I doubt anyone will read this, lol"
I never said the punishment is damaging. I just don't think it is actually effective at learning why what he did is so offensive or making him sorry for anything other than being caught. I don't think he is sorry for the way he treated the teacher because of this. I think he is sorry he is in trouble & likely thinks his mom is an a-hole & I am betting he is spending all his time thinking about that rather than thinking about the content of his own character & how atrocious his behavior was.
And I agree every child is different & needs to be approached in ways that suit their personality. There is a great book called the 5 love languages of children that covers that if you are ever interested.
And it's not like I haven't dealt with teens. I had a teen with me for 2 yrs (until she graduated) because she was out of hand before she came here. She was far from perfect while here, but she made great improvements & all without any yelling, no humiliation, none of this kind of "coming down like a ton of bricks" parenting. She did go to school, she got good grades, she was respectful to teachers & that is not something she was doing before she got here either. I have had plenty of people try to tell me that what I say "wont' work" - but I've seen it work in lots of cases and so you wont' convince me it's a flawed idea. if it works with a kid who is already having issues & is that late in the game there is no reason to think my own children, raised with this approach will somehow have it not work.
And truly - if you want a child's attitude to improve, one of the best ways I've ever found is take them to work with you at a soup kitchen or sorting donation clothing, or delivery food boxes. Kids are often dingholes in attitude because they lack perspective & gratitude about how good their own life really is & they feel unnecessarily entitled & deprived. Seeing how hard life *can be* helps them to put that back in perspective. It also gives them the sense that they have value
within the community & they can
help to make things better for other people instead of always thinking of themselves.
You can take that for what it is.