I was supposed to have my abortion today...

My appointment to have a surgical abortion is today at 9:30 three hours away from my hometown. I should have left an hour and a half ago. But there are so many factors fighting me from doing this. It keeps getting put off, and not by choice. The first time, I was still early enough to have the pill abortion, but I had to put it off a week because I wasn't going to have the money on time. The second time, they told me I can no longer do the pill because the doctor has the flu, and I will be too far along by that point to take the pill, I'd have to take two and thats dangerous and costly. This time,
~I have no one to go with me, I'm terrible with directions and I am scared...I'd like it if someone could go with me but I have no one that I would feel comfortable with going with me. I'm pissed at the father right now because he is being a douchebag and doesn't want to go with me.
~Its storming outside, and its supposed to snow. Heavy, heavy winds...I hate driving in storms, it makes me scared.
~My car's battery is about to die. I mean...I'm not quite sure that its not unable to start RIGHT NOW sitting in the driveway. Last night I turned it on and the car came on, but none of the lights came on. Even the headlights, which are automatic and are ALWAYS on. (They eventually came back on when I tried driving it away, but its an indication that the battery is very weak, and it has been for a while. We have pretty much NO money to fix it either...because all of the extra money we have right now is being used on my abortion.
~I've been having horrible anxiety pain. It first started in my sternum, weeks ago. Then after about a week it moved to my right side and it felt like there was a knot of tension on top of one specific rib. Well that eventually stopped and then it switched sides. Now its residing on a rib on my left side and its been really really EFFING bad since last night. It got to the point where I couldn't breathe on multiple occasions, including last night. Right now its pretty bad. I'm not sure how this pain is going to be affected by having an abortion. They told me I can drive myself back if I am not sedated for the procedure, but if I have horrific pain in my side that gets worse after I have the abortion, or even before....I just feel like I need to see a doctor before I go on with my decision. BUT of course I have absolutely NO extra money for that either. Especially with needing a car battery.

I don't know what to do. I cannot have this baby in my current life situation, trying to escape from my abusive {first} baby daddy. And especially because the father of my unborn child is pretty much homeless right now and cannot support a child at all. I think the pain is because of him BTW. We have tried being together several times over the past several years and it never seems to work out or be the right time. Though, we want to be together...he's just a smurfhead and doesn't admit his feelings in fear of being vulnerable. And I personally want to be with him so badly, not only because I am in a smurffy current situation for the moment, but also because I have never been able to help wanting him. Thats just how it is, and I cannot control it. He's what I've wanted for so long...and now that I got so damn close at one point...and I failed and lost him again...I have physical pain.

I literally want to be with him so badly....it hurts.

Having this baby with him would not get that for me though. That is NOT why I want an abortion. I want to have the abortion because I cannot handle having another baby at this point in my life. I'm having enough trouble dealing with my tantrum throwing 16 month old as it is. And I have to find a job so I can get myself out of the situation I am in. Its just BAD SmUrfING TIMING and I've known what I want since I found out.
BUT EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE IS ALIGNING ~ SEEMING TO TRY TO STOP ME FROM MAKING THIS DECISION.

I have no idea of what I should do. I need to see a doctor about my pain. I need a car battery. These are the things I NEED. But I can't have this baby right now...
And I'm afraid to go get it sucked out all by myself in such severe pain that could very well possibly get much worse before or after it happens.


What the smurf am I supposed to do??
{I'm not expecting ya'll to know, I guess I'll take opinions, but I realize no one can know my situation well enough to give accurate advice.}

Oh and if you have a problem with abortion, you might as well GTFO right now. Because I don't I have always been pro-choice and if I'm able to make this decision, I will. So I don't want to hear any "killing your baby is wrong"...its my body. My choice. My life. I still have that right.

Have you considered giving the baby up for adoption?

Im sorry mama <3 But you should have someone to go with you if you get the sugrical done because you cant drive. [from what I know about it.].

And if you cant do this abortion for said reasons, Id look into adoption . Not the best but you cant raise this baby or get an abortion; second best choice. I have been where you are right now.

Quoting Kady:" Have you considered giving the baby up for adoption?"

Everyone keeps asking me that. Of course I have. I've been speaking with Planned Parenthood for weeks now. They alone have asked me that a gazillion times. I just dont' think I could give birth to a child and not call it mine...not take care of it myself and not breastfeed.
Some might not understand but I could live with myself a lot easier if I just ended the pregnancy on my own terms, and not know that there is a child out there who I created that I will never meet. I just can't go through with a pregnancy...get to the point of feeling the baby and having a GIANT being siting on my butthole and kicking me in the ribcage (sorry for that visual but thats how it is, lol.)...basically I don't want to get to know my child and then not have him.
(yeh I know its a him)

have you thought of adopting? and i understand what your going through, you should deffinitly have someone. im sorry about your situation  

Quoting Ҿcɧơ:" Everyone keeps asking me that. Of course I have. I've been speaking with Planned Parenthood for weeks ... [snip!] ... but thats how it is, lol.)...basically I don't want to get to know my child and then not have him. (yeh I know its a him)"

Not to sway you; TRUST ME I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. But you could have an open adoption.

If you need someone to talk to you can always PM me.

this is AS...not to talk about adoption ladies, check the rules.


OP- reschedule now. Get to that appt. Do you have any girlfriends that can go with you?

Okay no one else recommend adoption. Please read my post. I can't do that.

How far along are you? Can you reschedule?

If I was that persistent on getting an abortion, I would literally do WHATEVER to get there. I couldn't do adoption.

Good luck.

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" this is AS...not to talk about adoption ladies, check the rules. OP- reschedule now. Get to that appt. Do you have any girlfriends that can go with you?"

Not really. My girlfriends live out of state.

Quoting Ҿcɧơ:" Okay no one else recommend adoption. Please read my post. I can't do that. "

sorry i didnt see the other post  

Well i am not sure what kind of advice to give you because i have not been in this kind of situation, but i hope that everything goes okay and you can reschedule and get to that appt and find someone to go with!

I wish you the best!

Quoting Ҿcɧơ:" Not really. My girlfriends live out of state. "

but you got to get there right hun? Maybe today wasnt possible....but you know time is crucial and you got to get there right?
How can you get a battery for your car? What options do you have? Cash before payday? Family to lend you the money??
Can you drive yourself?

Quoting ℳary ℐane:" How far along are you? Can you reschedule? If I was that persistent on getting an abortion, I would literally do WHATEVER to get there. I couldn't do adoption. Good luck."

I'm about 8.5 weeks. Yes I can reschedule. I just don't want it to get so developed that it makes it more complex to do the procedure...its taken this long to get to this point. Idk why they just didn't send me to a different Planned Parenthood to take the pill.

Quoting Ҿcɧơ:" I'm about 8.5 weeks. Yes I can reschedule. I just don't want it to get so developed that it makes it ... [snip!] ... taken this long to get to this point. Idk why they just didn't send me to a different Planned Parenthood to take the pill. "

Is there one closer to you?? Will that make this easy to get to??

If so..you got to call them and tell them you CAN NOT get there and then call the one close to you and ask them what they recommend you do.