Letting go..

My husband & I are separated. We recently got back together but it just ended in us breaking up again.
Long story short, he's cheated on me in the past.. but treats me like smurf because he says IM the one now cheating on him. He's very jealous & controlling, like he asks for pictures to prove to him I am where I say I am, he checks the mileage on MY car. Stupid petty things like that.

Even after all this, I STILL want to be with him.   & I feel like such a idiot for feeling this way.
We have one child together & I have a son from a previous relationship. He's a great dad, don't get me wrong.. He's a horrible husband though.

A friend of mine recently passed away & he response to me crying to him was "go tell your little boyfriend on the side".   which I DON'T have.

He's just really mean to me and I can't understand why I'd want to spend my life with somebody like that. Deep down I know I deserve better, but it's like I don't want it? If that makes any sort of sense.

Now, he's writing all kinds of things on his statuses on Facebook & making them public because he knows somebody will tell me what he's writing. He makes me look like the bad guy saying I "put myself out there".

I just don't know what to do.
I need to move on but don't know how.

I'm sorry if this post is everywhere, I just needed to get some things off my chest and hopefully get some help from you ladies.

I can't help... in a similar sort of situation. Don't know what to do myself. In love with an smurf.  

My SO used to make me take pictures too. We worked through that though.


I know the feeling of wanting to be with someone even when you know it's the wrong thing to want. It's smurffy but you'll get through it  

I'm sorry you're going through all that.   I haven't personally experienced it, but I've heard it's pretty common for cheaters to assume their partner is a cheater as well. I hope you figure out what to do and that things get better for you soon.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brendan&Bethany'sMom:</b>" I can't help... in a similar sort of situation. Don't know what to do myself. In love with an smurf.   "</blockquote>




So am I!  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Dahling:</b>" I'm sorry you're going through all that.   I haven't personally experienced it, but I've heard it's ... [snip!] ... to assume their partner is a cheater as well. I hope you figure out what to do and that things get better for you soon."</blockquote>




Thanks so much!

<blockquote><b>Quoting shelbylynn [25 WEEKS!]:</b>" My SO used to make me take pictures too. We worked through that though. I know the feeling of wanting ... [snip!] ... feeling of wanting to be with someone even when you know it's the wrong thing to want. It's smurffy but you'll get through it  "</blockquote>




How did y'all work through it, if you don't mind me asking

Quoting M [+2) ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting shelbylynn [25 WEEKS!]:</b>" My SO used to make me take pictures ... [snip!] ... It's smurffy but you'll get through it  "</blockquote> How did y'all work through it, if you don't mind me asking"

Eh it took us almost a year of trust issues to work through it all. We both had cell phone passwords, kept changing our fb passwords etc. We had to take the passwords off our phone, deactivated our fb's....... We both had a really bad past. It's taken a very long time to build up our trust. After we lost our first baby we both realized how much we really need each other and how much we care for one another.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Bottom line... you need to ask yourself: do I deserve better than this. Is this the kind of life you want to live with your children and family? Can you see yourself in different situation where you are happier and in a trusting relationship?

I know its hard to see past what you know and feel right now. Its hard because all you know is your life with this person and anything else seems scary and unknown. But no matter how much you love someone... if they are treating you that way, they obviously don't feel the same. Take your love and give it to someone who is deserving and would die without it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Man. Bear. Pig.:</b>" I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Bottom line... you need to ask yourself: do I deserve better than ... [snip!] ... that way, they obviously don't feel the same. Take your love and give it to someone who is deserving and would die without it."</blockquote>




I've thought about that so many time, & my mom always tells me that if he really loved me, he wouldn't treat me this way. Which makes total sense to me, but I just can't get it through my head.

<blockquote><b>Quoting M [+2) ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Man. Bear. Pig.:</b>" I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Bottom ... [snip!] ... if he really loved me, he wouldn't treat me this way. Which makes total sense to me, but I just can't get it through my head."</blockquote>


Its not easy. And it won't be. But you'll get through it. I promise you. You will look back and wonder who that person was that stayed in a relationship like that. Look at yourself in the mirror. Love the person staring back. Look at your children. Picture a different life for them. I don't think that relationship is healthy for any of you.

Pm me anytime you want. I'm always willing to listen and help. But no matter what you decide, please know you're an amazing person who deserves the world...

I really want to come find you and give you a huge hug. I'm so sorry for your pain and the way you're feeling.

Quoting M [+2) ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Man. Bear. Pig.:</b>" I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Bottom ... [snip!] ... if he really loved me, he wouldn't treat me this way. Which makes total sense to me, but I just can't get it through my head."

I've been there and it didn't work out...it ended with me getting a black eye and having head issues. I was with him for 5 years on and off. I met SO and I've been the happiest I've ever been. My problem was that I wanted him to be a better person than he was, yeah we had fun and good times but the way he treated me over weighed any good he did. I'm glad he hit me in front of everyone because it was a way out for me. In fact I'm pretty sure he's still stalking me, but I've moved on with someone that loves me just as much as I love him and he gave me my son. lol Anyways...my point is, back when I was in the relationship, I thought that I wanted him to be the one even though I was always miserable. When I met SO, I realized that there was not real love in that relationship, we brought out the worst in each other. I understand you have kids with 2 different guys and are scared that no one will accept your package and love you guys but that is NOT true, you WILL find someone (or they will find you) who will treat you and your family the way you deserve. You know you're not happy, this is not the life that you want to have for the rest of yourself but I just think you're waiting for something to happen that will FORCE you to end it for good. You have to come to terms with that on your own, no matter what anyone else says or does, you are the only one who can make you leave and be happy with your decision. You remind me of myself and I'm stubborn and usually have to learn the hard way for myself lol If you need to talk or anything feel free to PM me. I know it's tough but you'll be okay   Good luck mama!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Man. Bear. Pig.:</b>" I really want to come find you and give you a huge hug. I'm so sorry for your pain and the way you're feeling."</blockquote>




Thanks so much!!!!
Your words make a lot of sense & I know I really need to get away for the sake of my sanity and my children.
Again, thank you!!

I was in your same position. Please leave!!!! My son's fsther is the smwe way. Always accusing me of chesting etc ehen he eas the one doing it the whole time. I couldn't have friends or visit family. He never believd me even when I was grocery shopping. He wanted to control my life . As of last month we are not together. I love him but realize thst his behavior was NOT love. Being controlling and manipulative is not love. I know u have feelings for him but I stopped when I realized I deserve better. As long as u stay with them they will keep treating you badly. I now know that but it me long to relaize. I wish u the best!! Good luck!