Am I being fair?

My oldest daughters father and I divorced shortly after her 1st birthday. The judge ordered he pay $490 p/month in child support (which I agreed to have lowered to $400) and his visitation was Wednesdays and every other weekend, alternating holidays..pretty standard. I am always really good about if she asks to call him/he calls letting them talk. Or if she asks to see him, I will call and see if he wants to see her for a few hours/have her spend the night (most of the time this IS last minute and he says no)..but hey, I try... She is 4 now, and since around her birthday (which was in Aug) I agreed to try letting him have every Tues. and Thurs. instead of Wed. nights. (giving him 1 extra night a week)... Recently she has been acting up a lot and it just isn't working out. He doesn't pick her up until almost 8pm and drops her off at 5am the next day. Her hair is NEVER clean (looks nasty greasy and not brushed) her teeth arent brushed and she is improperly dressed..usually her clothes are 3 sizes too small). He lets her ride in her booster seat in the FRONT seat, which I have addressed several times. and this past weekend when I went to pick her up from his house she was dressed rediculously so I went into her room..it was filthy and the only clothes he has are 2T-3T and she wears a 5T. I have to usually provide her clothes as he refuses to buy them.... When I tell him that I would like to go back to normal visitation he threatens to take me to court! He says he has every right to have her 50% of the time! The judge who did our divorce told us the only time it's ever 50/50 is if you're married. I agreed to still give him an extra day 1 week a month and told him I thought going to court would be stupid because I think any judge would give me props for as many accomodations as I already make. (This Christmas for instance is my holiday..but I am letting him and his wife take her Christmas eve so she doesn't miss their Christmas entirely)... Do you think I am being fair? She is starting Kindergarten in August and it seems like too much back in forth already, plus they are having a baby in July.... so it seems most of their time and money will be focused on the new baby. (He asked me if he could claim her on Taxes this year so they could afford baby stuff). He also refuses to pay a dime toward enrollment fees/school supplies...he said "that's what child support is for"...I think I'm being pretty nice/fair. What do you think?

I think you are being fair. If he fail to take care of her properly, then go back to what was ordered by court. He can't take you back to court for you following court orders..well he can, but if he does he might look dumb.

Oh and it can be 50/50 custody..but would probably be hard for him to get.

I think you are being more than fair. I would go back to the COURT ordered visitation. He will look dumb if he tries to take you to court over taking away days he never had to begin with. And I wouldnt let him claim her for tax season.

Quoting *B & D Mommy*:" Oh and it can be 50/50 custody..but would probably be hard for him to get. "

I realize 50/50 custody can happen. But the judge in our city flat out told him that he hardly ever orders it because he thinks it is too much for the child who is that young. (he asked for 50/50 origionally). He is a great dad..he loves her and she loves him. I have no worries there. But she isn't being taken care of as well as she is when she is home. and I have noticed a serious attitude change with her lately.

Quoting Bel & KJ's Momma:" I realize 50/50 custody can happen. But the judge in our city flat out told him that he hardly ever ... [snip!] ... she isn't being taken care of as well as she is when she is home. and I have noticed a serious attitude change with her lately."

So like I said in my first post. Go back to the COURT ordered visitation.

You're being fair... But courts are giving 50/50 more now, so there is a risk he'll win. As far as clothes go... He pays child support, and has her so little I'd expect you to pack her stuff. if he gets 50 percent... Your child support will likely stop, and he'll instead support her during his time with her

Damn double post

More than fair, especially if you giving him the extra time is not in the current court agreement.
If it is not, there is no reason for him to take you to court over it.
As far as taxes go, she is in your care most of the time, and you are the main provider for her. Don't let him claim her. If he and his new wife (or GF, don't remember) are adult and responsible enough to have a baby, they should be adult and responsible enough to provide for that baby.

ummm no dont let him claim her so he cxan buy stuff for his new baby. that money is for you and her. i would of laughed in his face!