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I wouldn't let back, TBH. If that's not an option, you should discuss it with his mom.

Just tell her that if she is going to allow him to act like that you cant have them over so much. Maybe limit your visiting days per week haha. I dont know but that sounds like hell. Some kids can be little devils LOL.

Quoting sταrry skies:" I wouldn't let back, TBH. If that's not an option, you should discuss it with his mom."

oh yeah, i should've put that in the OP, not spending time together isn't really an option  

i just don't know what to say to her, cos she really is a good mom, there's just, things...  

I wouldn't discipline the child, but I would let the mother know that she needs to redirect her child, insted of just yelling at him to stop. And if she doesn't want to do that, stop inviting them over.

Quoting *Lindsey*(10 weeks):" Just tell her that if she is going to allow him to act like that you cant have them over so much. Maybe ... [snip!] ... much. Maybe limit your visiting days per week haha. I dont know but that sounds like hell. Some kids can be little devils LOL."

oh seriously, haha, and it's such a far cry from how my kids are, i'm just EXHAUSTED after they leave.
i mean, he'll get up and stand on the kitchen table and start stomping on it  
and throw EVERYTHING. it freaks me out, he'll grab for a cup and i'll run for it, while mom doesn't, cos i don't want it to break  

Ummmm.... I'd maybe do the meetings at her place or outside, then.

Some kids-no matter how much you redirect them-are holy f'n terrors and it's just hard to control them out of their environment. I know because my middle child was that way. Like, I didn't want to deprive him of social time-hoping that he'd eventually acclimate, you know? I quickly learned that other people's houses weren't a comfortable environment for either of us.

Suggest having playtime at their house as opposed to yours?? I personally wouldn't let them back if her kid was destroying my things and she wasn't doing anything about it. I would also mention something to her about her child's behaviour. It could be something more than the kid just acting out.

Quoting KNZ.:" oh seriously, haha, and it's such a far cry from how my kids are, i'm just EXHAUSTED after they leave. ... [snip!] ... EVERYTHING. it freaks me out, he'll grab for a cup and i'll run for it, while mom doesn't, cos i don't want it to break   "

well she obviosuly doesnt discipline him whatsoever. That is just crazy. I would never allow my kids to be like that. Specially at someone elses house. I would be embarassed. I am surprised she still comes over so much.

If not spending time together isnt an option, then the play dates need to be away from your house.

Next time she is over you just need to let her know what is and isn't acceptable in your home. If he continues to misbehave and she wont do anything about it you need to stop having them over.

Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" Ummmm.... I'd maybe do the meetings at her place or outside, then. Some kids-no matter how much you ... [snip!] ... acclimate, you know? I quickly learned that other people's houses weren't a comfortable environment for either of us. "

I keep thinking if she feels like she's on edge the whole time she's here..but she doesn't, ha. like, if she doesn't rush to stop him from throwing things or anything, she's just kinda..chill. she knows he's a terror though, so like when he was taking everything off our tree, instead of actively telling him no or doing SOMETHING, she said she'd just put it back together later but uh..he was breaking things  

I would really want to his ass but I would tell her that not only is he behaving badly but he is causing harm to your child & you don't like that.

like my grandma always told me your house your rules...dont feel bad about telling the other lil one no and why thatbis not acctable in your house

Quoting KNZ.:" oh seriously, haha, and it's such a far cry from how my kids are, i'm just EXHAUSTED after they leave. ... [snip!] ... EVERYTHING. it freaks me out, he'll grab for a cup and i'll run for it, while mom doesn't, cos i don't want it to break   "

he sounds like my daughter. I don't know WHY she's so into being on tables, coloring on everything etc. Mostly I try and redirect her, talk with her, or remove whatever's going on. Sometimes though, she just needs quiet time in her room. If she was acting that way at someone's house though, I'd feel like taking her home if she couldn't behave.
Running around and screaming like a weirdo because you're having fun is one thing, but ruining other peoples' things just is too much and shouldn't be rewarded with getting to stay.

Quoting *Lindsey*(10 weeks):" well she obviosuly doesnt discipline him whatsoever. That is just crazy. I would never allow my kids ... [snip!] ... my kids to be like that. Specially at someone elses house. I would be embarassed. I am surprised she still comes over so much."

right   all our project stuff is here though, and she lives with her family so that's why we end up over here always.

our third floor is just a play room, so of course it's kid friendly with toy's 'n such, yet he STILL finds ways to be over-destructive  

i love him to death, he's such a cutie, it's just annoying behavior.