re: She's coming over....help

How did the party go....? I hope everything went smoothly.

Oh yes the party.

She quite literally came in like a tornado. Never stopping. They arrived at 11:40 and the party didn't start until 2. Within 10 minutes she had the whole house TRASHED. Toys everywhere. Luckily it was the toys. She totally rammed her brother with the shopping cart, throwing him to the ground.

And it didn't stop there. She was constantly hoarding the balloons, saying they were all hers, we even drew names on them and she couldn't figure out which one was her(lack of focus). And begging us to blow them up.(The balloon she did have, she managed to pop it. Grabbing both sides of the balloon and tearing it till it popped. Weird but it did happen)

Once more kids starting showing up, it escalated, it was obvious she was over stimulated. Everything made her cry, and she just kept barreling over kids. Unfortunately upsetting my brother in law(my husband's brother), just most because his kids are tiny and petite. Well my kids and my side of the family...we're built like little linebackers.

She was just all over the place, if anything looked wrong, she would cry. My son put on his super hero costume and she kept acting afraid. It was to the point we couldn't figure out if she was ACTUALLY afraid or acting. She fake cried through much of the party.

We did our best, it was a success, but really hard for her too. I accidentally tripped over her too, and she pretend cried, but wouldn't take a hug, she couldn't focus any consolation. And one time she ran right into my leg, she was looking one way, and running the other. I felt so bad, but when I tried to comfort her she was distracted. She was just all over the place.

I was able to talk to my brother about seeking early intervention for her, he knows she needs therapy but he doesn't want to upset her mom, he's afraid she'll take her away from us again.

So yes the party was a success, no one or anything actually got hurt. So it was great, luckily my son didn't get overstimulated so it was just her we were dealing with over stimulation....whew.

And my brother apologized once she trashed the house within 10 minutes of getting here.

I told him it was ok, I already prepared for her coming, and I put up the breakables and that whatever was out she could terrorize and destroy.   We laughed about it and he seemed to feel better knowing that.

Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" Oh yes the party. She quite literally came in like a tornado. Never stopping. They arrived at 11:40 ... [snip!] ... and that whatever was out she could terrorize and destroy.   We laughed about it and he seemed to feel better knowing that."

I'm glad she was able to come and it was a success.

On a side note, does the mom know about her special needs?

Quoting Meg ♥:" I'm glad she was able to come and it was a success. On a side note, does the mom know about her special needs? "

I don't know. Her mom alone is bi polar. So we don't want to upset her any more. She kept her from us for almost 2 years, and she can turn on a dime. We definitely don't want to lose her again.

I think her mom does know somethings off. Because she warned my brother before she let him see her again about the things she does.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" I don't know. Her mom alone is bi polar. So we don't want to upset her any more. She kept her from ... [snip!] ... her mom does know somethings off. Because she warned my brother before she let him see her again about the things she does."</blockquote>

Poor baby  maybe he needs to address it like "I've noticed she's been overstimulated easily. Have u noticed that before?" and just kind of ask questions in a way that makes her reflect on it herself. Then he can Bring up "maybe we can ask her dr about it and see what he recommends?" it makes me so sad when parents are in such denial tht their children have to suffer  

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" I don't know. Her mom alone is ... [snip!] ... about it and see what he recommends?" it makes me so sad when parents are in such denial tht their children have to suffer  "

I was in denial that Jacob had autism for a really long time. However, that didn't stop us from still seeking help until we finally accepted the truth.

With her mom. Anything can set her off. Being bi polar, she can seriously switch her moods in an instant. And it scares my brother. After almost 2 years he finally has her back and he doesn't want to lose her again.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" I was in denial that Jacob had autism for a really long time. However, that didn't stop us from still ... [snip!] ... in an instant. And it scares my brother. After almost 2 years he finally has her back and he doesn't want to lose her again."</blockquote>




Maybe he can approach it by asking something like "I noticed some behavior (examples) and was wondering if she behaved like that for you. I know it can be signs of autism or other conditions I would like to get her diagnosed and get her some help.as long as you think it is what she needs."

Good luck. He sounds like a great daddy and you are an awesome aunt for accepting her the way she is.

Quoting tatesmommy09:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" I was in denial that Jacob had ... [snip!] ... it is what she needs." Good luck. He sounds like a great daddy and you are an awesome aunt for accepting her the way she is."

Having one already that is like she is, helps too. Helps me be so much understanding.

From what I know, she does know she acts this way because she's warned my brother. But I don't think she wants to admit it.

We think that it could be involved with substance abuse during pregnancy. Possibly drinking and we know she smoked weed a lot during pregnancy(possibly everyday). And if she has to admit that she possibly could of done it to her daughter, I think that will mean she probably won't seek help.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" Having one already that is like she is, helps too. Helps me be so much understanding. From what I know, ... [snip!] ... if she has to admit that she possibly could of done it to her daughter, I think that will mean she probably won't seek help."</blockquote>




That is rough. My bff's family adopted a boy who has some problems because the birth mother abused drugs, drank, and smoked marijuane. She was supposed to be able to see LB but the more we found out the more the birth mother denied and eventually they had to close the adoption and get a restraining order.

Anyways, although the problems were most likely caused by the substance abuse they can probably be caused by other issues.

Does he have custody or just visitation? If he has custody I would tell him to start taking her to specialists by himself. Then if she is diagnosed and she refuses to treat her he can fight for more custody.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" Having one already that is like she is, helps too. Helps me be so much understanding. From what I know, ... [snip!] ... if she has to admit that she possibly could of done it to her daughter, I think that will mean she probably won't seek help."</blockquote>

She probably won't have to admit it. But I'm sure in her mind she does.

Maybe he could say "I noticed she was acting diff than the other children at the party. Can we bring this up to her dr?" not even bring up diagnosing any disability or anything. Just simple can we ask the dr about this.

Quoting tatesmommy09:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" Having one already that is like she ... [snip!] ... taking her to specialists by himself. Then if she is diagnosed and she refuses to treat her he can fight for more custody."

he's supposed to have visitation but she won't obey the court orders. He just one day walked up to her and demanded to see his daughter and she finally caved.

He lives in Portland, which is Multnomah County which has a very corrupt judicial system. I know, I used to work for them.

And we know as far as her problems some are "hereditary" because my brother had bad ADHD, but some of the others we know were probably from the substance abuse.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" Having one already that is like she ... [snip!] ... we bring this up to her dr?" not even bring up diagnosing any disability or anything. Just simple can we ask the dr about this."

It's mostly just really tricky bringing it up to her.

She could either go for it and think it's a good idea. Or take her away again and refuse to let him see her. And it's so close to Christmas he just doesn't want to risk it, at all.

Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" It's mostly just really tricky bringing it up to her. She could either go for it and think it's a ... [snip!] ... Or take her away again and refuse to let him see her. And it's so close to Christmas he just doesn't want to risk it, at all."

I can completely understand his fear and the way he is thinking, but on the other hand... that is really not fair to his daughter when she obviously needs some professional assistance .  

Does he have medical rights? If so, isn't he legally allowed to talk to a doctor?

Quoting Meg ♥:" I can completely understand his fear and the way he is thinking, but on the other hand... that is really ... [snip!] ... needs some professional assistance .   Does he have medical rights? If so, isn't he legally allowed to talk to a doctor? "

It's something he's personally battling. Both me and his girlfriend are working on him and trying to do it tactfully.

He knows she needs counseling, but he just doesn't know how to approach the subject with his ex yet.

So he knows but I think he wants to get through Christmas.

When he didn't have her he would cry cry cry cry, all the time because he missed her so much. Now he has her.

It's all very emotional for him. He also say he really believe she needs speech therapy. So he knows, but he doesn't know how to approach it