PPD

I've recently come to realize that I have some PPD, and just need to get it out. I have no one that I can talk to here without them worrying about me too much & SO doesn't listen well enough to let me get it out without getting mad...

I am 5 weeks PP and it seems like every little thing makes me absolutely LIVID. My DH usually gets home from work about 2 hrs ago(its 7:30 here, so 5:30 ish) well he knows, if hes going to be late, I would appreciate a phone call. Here it is 7:30, no word from him, so I texted the carpool driver(it's just the 2 of them and DH doesn't have a cell) to see what was going on, like 1.5 hrs ago, no response. So i just texted his wife & found out they're broke down at Fred Meyer's and I'm PISSED that he couldnt call me... And my poor girls, DD2 will wake up from a nap & start cryin cause she's hungry, which will in turn make DD1(18 months) start crying, and i get so mad. I would never hurt them, but I just want them to leave me alone sometimes!!! DD1 is trying to put on her pj's as I type this and is getting frustrated about not being able to do it herself, and fussing and theres a teeny tiny part of me that wants to just rip the pjs away and throw them in the fking trash just to get her to stop. The smallest things make me cry. SO works from about 8:30 till about 5:30 and when he gets home, all he wants to do is sit on his ass and watch TV and smoke weed. It feels like I'm raising these girls by myself. I'll be in the process of BF'ing DD2 and DD1 will decide she's going to get into something she know's better, and I'll holler at her, and then I'll holler at her again if she's still fkin around and I'll have to do it about 5 or 6 times before I either interrupt the feeding or have to get his fkn attention to get him to make her stop. He just called me to say he'll be home asap, which means he's leaving freddy's and has to stop at the weed guys house, which means he wont be home for another hour at least. That means I have to deal with both the girls while I make dinner, and do the dishes, and switch the laundry. I love being a SAHM, but I just need a break!! Im sorry if i'm rambling or don't make sense, I just need to get all this out. DD1 is always all over me, im sitting on the couch trying to type this up, to finally be able to talk about it, and shes climbing on me, climbing on her sister, trying to give us kisses(which I usually love) but now I just want to push her onto the other side of the couch. I feel bad even telling you guys about this cause I know I'm not supposed to feel like this, and everythings supposed to be all peachy and I'm supposed to love my girls kisses. I've tried to get SO to let me have DD1 spend the night at grandmas(she's VERY willing to have her) and he just refuses, like he's afraid my mother is going to let her get hurt. But then when I ask him to help by giving her a bath or something stupid, he bitches about having to help. I just needed to get this out, and hear from you guys about how i'll get over this PPD and everything will be peachy and whatnot...

Quoting CrAsH1988:" I've recently come to realize that I have some PPD, and just need to get it out. I have no one that I ... [snip!] ... needed to get this out, and hear from you guys about how i'll get over this PPD and everything will be peachy and whatnot..."

You're not alone! Sounds like you might need to call your doc about it though. Have a heart to heart with at least your mom. She should be able to watch your older one for you. If your DH has a problem with it, tell him he needs to help out more. Make sure that he gets that you NEED a break- that it's not an option. Most importantly, call your doc in the morning.