re: "Santa is NOT real!"

Quoting Legendary Amanda:" No I'd expect him to say "We don't believe in Santa" or "We don't celebrate Christmas" or "My mommy ... [snip!] ... ever, ever say "That isn't real" and I would flip my smurf if she told another child something they believed in wasn't real. "

Okay, that is reasonable, actually.

I don't want to tell DS about Santa either but for a different reason. We can't afford to shower him with gifts and I don't want him to go to school and hear "Santa got me a laptop and an iPhone and a new bike and all new clothes!" and have DS be like....WTF? Why does Santa like them better than my brother and I?  

Quoting Supafly★:" I don't want to tell DS about Santa either but for a different reason. We can't afford to shower him ... [snip!] ... and a new bike and all new clothes!" and have DS be like....WTF? Why does Santa like them better than my brother and I?  "

That's why my mom didn't tell us about Santa, and probably why I don't feel comfortable with it myself. Before I had children my sibs were still very small. I would go and buy Christmas gifts for them and, without fail, every year there would be "that kid" in the store that would be screaming and crying and being a brat. Without fail the parent would say "You better be good or Santa's not going to get you that new ______ you wanted". Ummm.... what? You know damn well that parent bought that new _____ and gave it to their kid anyway, why blame Santa for your bad parenting? Always a turn off.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Fatty McRunnerPants:</b>" That's why my mom didn't tell us about Santa, and probably why I don't feel comfortable with it myself. ... [snip!] ... that parent bought that new _____ and gave it to their kid anyway, why blame Santa for your bad parenting? Always a turn off."</blockquote>




Is it bad parenting? I mean you can't tell me your kid never misbehaves. Misbehaving is a part of development, all kids will test the boundaries just because one parent uses Christmas gifts or one parent uses the threat of going to hell or maybe one just uses the threat of taking away things they already enjoy.. I don't know where bad parenting comes into play here.

Quoting Legendary Amanda:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Fatty McRunnerPants:</b>" That's why my mom didn't tell us ... [snip!] ... one just uses the threat of taking away things they already enjoy.. I don't know where bad parenting comes into play here."

Empty threats about some imaginary figure giving you coal intead of a new iPad is bad parenting IMO. It shucks the responsibility for correction onto something that is neither real nor tangible. Teaches the child to behave for presents and not because it's the right thing to do.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Fatty McRunnerPants:</b>" Empty threats about some imaginary figure giving you coal intead of a new iPad is bad parenting IMO. ... [snip!] ... that is neither real nor tangible. Teaches the child to behave for presents and not because it's the right thing to do."</blockquote>




How is an iPad not real or tangible? Presents are absolutely real and.. "Tangible".

There's no difference between that or "smarten up or I'm going to take away your game boy" whatever it is its something they are expecting or enjoying and they won't get it if they continue.

Children don't focus on Santa they focus on gifts, which are real.

I'd love to hear how you explain to a three year old about the "right thing to do" in the middle of Walmart during a tantrum. It's a lot easier and effective to remind them that Santa is watching. Helps them to understand they're accountable for their actions even when no one is watching.

And smurf that empty threat line, I've taken presents away.

Quoting Legendary Amanda:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Fatty McRunnerPants:</b>" Empty threats about some imaginary ... [snip!] ... them that Santa is watching. Helps them to understand they're accountable for their actions even when no one is watching."

Remind them that Santa is watching keeping a 3 year old from not being naughty when no ones there? Really? Bwhahahahahahha. That's seriously the funniest smurf I've heard today.

I'm sorry, but *I* am accountable for *my* child's actions. Not Santa. *You* are accountable for *your* child's actions. Not Santa. You need to be the authoritary figure that your child looks up to. You are tangible. You are real. Not the threat of some imaginary man not giving them a present on X day. Most parents who use this line of reasoning do not follow through. It's empty. It's also not in the here and now which is what most toddlers/preschoolers/kindergardeners respond to to begin with. "You stop throwing a tantrum or we're going back to the car. We don't act like this in the store" is real and tangible. Dragging them out when they don't stop is real and tangible. Not giving them a present a week away then blaming it on Santa and their "bad" behavior from a week ago? Not really real or tangible, or really understandable for a 3 year old child. And it's normally a very empty threat if a much older child is throwing a tantrum in the store (about 5 or 6, your child shouldn't be throwing store tantrums that escalate to the point of "I'm going to take X away from you")

Quoting Legendary Amanda:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Fatty McRunnerPants:</b>" Empty threats about some imaginary ... [snip!] ... them that Santa is watching. Helps them to understand they're accountable for their actions even when no one is watching."

I'd love to hear how you explain to a three year old about the "right thing to do" in the middle of Walmart during a tantrum.

I don't. I tell them what they need to do & if they can't do it then we leave. I don't know that I think saying "santa won't get you this or that" is bad parenting - but I have never & would never use that because I think it is ineffective parenting. Kids are pretty short term, so if you need to correct behavior at holiday time you can use whatever you would use the other 11 months of the year when it isn't December. I can't imagine anyone (sane) is using the "santa threat" in February or March & thinking it will work, at all. Do this or in 10 months you won't get what you want under the tree....? That crap wouldn't even work on me & I have a concept of delayed gratification.

Quoting Fatty McRunnerPants:" Remind them that Santa is watching keeping a 3 year old from not being naughty when no ones there? ... [snip!] ... 5 or 6, your child shouldn't be throwing store tantrums that escalate to the point of "I'm going to take X away from you")"

I agree with this. A child that young needs to face consequences for his actions immediately, not at Christmas when everyone is opening presents and he's not. I don't think a kid young enough to throw a screaming and crying fit in the sore [2-3 years old]is going to grasp the whole entire concept of Santa, so why even bother threatening him like that?

I haven't made up my mind about Santa. Luckily, I don't have to tell my 3 1/2 year old anything this year except Christmas is coming. He's learning delayed and not in any type of school or daycare so I might be able to push it off until next year.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Fatty McRunnerPants:</b>" Remind them that Santa is watching keeping a 3 year old from not being naughty when no ones there? ... [snip!] ... 5 or 6, your child shouldn't be throwing store tantrums that escalate to the point of "I'm going to take X away from you")"</blockquote>


I said it helps, I didn't say it was a guarantee. I remember being 5 or 6 and crying before bed thinking that Santa was going to leave a note for my mom telling her how I swear with my friends. Plus you've entirely changed what you originally said.


Why blame Santa for your bad parenting. That's not saying its bad parenting to use him as a threat, that's saying your child's tamper tantrum in the store is proof of bad parenting and don't use him to rectify it.

It's hilarious to me that you think you're such a perfect mother.

SO doesn't want to do Santa, either. He thinks it's all about St Nicholas and christianity, but I've had to explain it over and over that it's all symbolic for paganism... Most of his issues are with the idea of it all being christian, though. I've talked him into it enough to the point where Santa is just... there on Yule. lol that's enough for me.

Quoting Fatty McRunnerPants:" Remind them that Santa is watching keeping a 3 year old from not being naughty when no ones there? ... [snip!] ... 5 or 6, your child shouldn't be throwing store tantrums that escalate to the point of "I'm going to take X away from you")"

I agree. I don't use Santa as a threat... We don't do the "naughty or nice" thing... Sure didn't help me any when I was a kid.  

Quoting Legendary Amanda:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Fatty McRunnerPants:</b>" Remind them that Santa is watching ... [snip!] ... is proof of bad parenting and don't use him to rectify it. It's hilarious to me that you think you're such a perfect mother."

"God" was always watching me as a child, definitly didn't do a damn thing to deter me. The whole big brother is watching thing is completely ineffective unless it's reinforced (which it hardly ever is, let's just be honest here).

A child who would understand the reasoning of "Santa's not going to bring you X on Christmas" would also be around 5-7 years old and should NOT be throwing tantrums in the store unless they are developmentally delayed or something of that sort. A child with that level of reasoning skills throwing a tantrum in the store is a testiment to bad parenting. Kind of shows how manipulative these little creatures we call children can be.

For a child younger than that it's more along the lines of ineffective parenting, I suppose, because a child that young wouldn't understand the concept of delayed gratification. Most parents who use ineffective methods consistantly wind up with brats for children.

And where did I ever say I was a perfect parent? All I asserted was I don't waste my time with ineffective and irrelevent parenting stratagies. Don't see the point in threatening my child with something that is irrational and is, well, flat out lies.

Quoting May ♥:" Ugh. So ever since I was pregnant SO has said that he would tell DD that Santa isn't real. He says "It's ... [snip!] ... best things about childhood and I don't want her to miss out because her dad is being a stubborn ass. Don't know what to do..."

We don't do santa here, but only because we make Christmas more about Jesus. I was raised the same and still had the spirit of christmas and felt the christmas magic and all that! Thing is, my husband and I BOTH agree on this. If you and your husband disagree he should not be telling her santa isn't real until you two come to an agreement. She's small now so you have awhile to decide.. talk to him about it..