Feeling pretty worthless...*Vent*

Well, I went to my Ob/Gyn appointment yesterday.
I asked the doctor straight up considering my medical issues with the last pregnancy and the medical issues I have because of the last pregnancy, if he thought it would be okay to carry another pregnancy at some point.
He said with my SI joints being separated the way they are, no, absolutely not. My heart dropped. He said that I'd end up on bed rest for possibly as long as six months and even then, I'd be in excruciating pain from the pressure and added weight. He also said that with my joints being the way they are, there is no way he would allow me to attempt a VBAC and nor would any other sane doctor, and started telling me the risks of a repeat c-section.
I went ahead and scheduled an appointment for the tubal ligation...January 18th is the big day...
I cried the entire way home. I just cried. I wanted another child a few years down the road, but the only difference I'm going to see by then is possibly having arthritis in the joints. They can't fix it, they've tried. My friends have tried to pep-talk me and say "Screw the doctor, just have another when you're ready." No, absolutely not. As much as I would love another child later on, and as much as it kills me to know I'm never going to have that opportunity, I'm NOT putting my health at risk, and I'm not going to openly risk not being around for LO (There's other medical problems that he was willing to bet money would arise.)
But it just still hurts...And I know DH is upset about it, but he's been acting like a complete douche towards me today because he is upset, which isn't helping how I feel.
Then to top it off, TWO WOMEN asked at Wal-Mart tonight when we were going to be giving LO some brothers or sisters...It tore my heart up to say "We're not...", them to ask why like it's any of their business and expect an answer from me, again like it's any of their business.
I've thought seriously about adoption and possibly surrogacy as a last resort (I'd rather adopt than do surrogacy, I'm strange that way...) but I feel like, I don't know. I feel like I can't do the one thing I'm SUPPOSED to be able to do. My friends are trying to perk me up, one friend even offered to be a surrogate for me, but it's just...I think it would hurt to know I couldn't feel MY baby kick, hiccup, toss and turn, I wouldn't be able to hold my stomach and feel whole...I just want to cry.

You are not worthless. You are very brave and strong. I can't imagine how hard the decision was but you are doing what is right for your child, by looking after your health.

I'm sorry you're going through this & that your husband is being a douche over it, too. That's the last thing you need. Your family right now is what's important.

Quoting Vodka Knockers:" Well, I went to my Ob/Gyn appointment yesterday. I asked the doctor straight up considering my medical ... [snip!] ... I couldn't feel MY baby kick, hiccup, toss and turn, I wouldn't be able to hold my stomach and feel whole...I just want to cry."

I'm sorry.  
I really don't know what else to say.

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" You are not worthless. You are very brave and strong. I can't imagine how hard the decision was but you ... [snip!] ... was but you are doing what is right for your child, by looking after your health. I'm sorry you're going through this."

I just wish the circumstances were different.
I know DH is upset because LO is not biologically his and he wants to 'pass on the line' and now if that happens, it'll end up costing probably over $10,000.
DH's mom kept telling me to get a second opinion but I don't think the opinion is going to change.

Quoting ♥ Mrs. S ♥:" I'm sorry.   I really don't know what else to say. "

The logical person in me is battling it out with the mother in me.
My mom and dad are glad that I'm getting the tubal done, but then again I'm an only child and it was sufficient for them. It's not sufficient for me. I don't feel like my family is complete yet.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Vodka Knockers:</b>" I just wish the circumstances were different. I know DH is upset because LO is not biologically his ... [snip!] ... probably over $10,000. DH's mom kept telling me to get a second opinion but I don't think the opinion is going to change."</blockquote>


I know what you mean, but you can't be so hard on yourself. It's not your fault.

I'm not sure what tpe of relationship you have with MIL but if you're in a position to see another doctor, if she's going to give you grief over it, maybe you could get a second opinion just to get her off your back. The worst that can happen is they tell you what you're already preparing for. That way there can be no backlash from anyone in the future. Ya know?

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Vodka Knockers:</b>" I just wish the circumstances were different. ... [snip!] ... is they tell you what you're already preparing for. That way there can be no backlash from anyone in the future. Ya know?"

Sorry about the lack of response last night, had to run to the store and had an unfortunate series of events lol.
My grandparents literally live right up the road from me, and I was driving past their house and saw an ambulance parked in the driveway. My grandpa just got released a few months ago from one of the hospitals an hour and a half from here that deals with severe cases, they gave him a 20% chance of survival, he had respiratory failure and a bunch of smurf.
I freak out, swerve in the driveway, get out of my car and shut the door. Didn't slam it, just shut it. The glass in my door literally shattered, no window anymore. I wasn't concerned about it, ran inside, my papa was okay lol, his heart rate just went up but they got it back under control.
I was so happy that he was okay that I still do not give a smurf about the window. I'm not religious, but I do believe that things happen for a reason. I kind of felt like that was the universe's way of trying to teach me that I have so much to be grateful for, that I shouldn't stress out over things that can't be fixed.

I told DH that I feel like when the time is ready for our family to have another member, then there will be a child waiting for me, and I'll some how find that child. It still hurts, but it'll pass.