wasnt surewhere to put this, custody

Okay, o i have a 3 year old step-daughter, DH isnt on her birth certificate and hasnt seen her since she was a year old, her mom is like crazy bi-polar and keeps moving her asround so he cant find her, were pretty sure we know where they live right now, but what legal actions will need to be taken to get custody of her, and if we feel she is in a unstable environment what actions to get full custody would we need to take? we do not plan on doing this untill we are extremely stable but i still just want to know where we would start.

Quoting *Mrs. Mallard*:" Okay, o i have a 3 year old step-daughter, DH isnt on her birth certificate and hasnt seen her since ... [snip!] ... need to take? we do not plan on doing this untill we are extremely stable but i still just want to know where we would start."

With a DNA test...

Well, I think you'd have to get a DNA test first to establish paternity since he's not on the BC, or have DH sign an affidavit of paternity acknowledging that he's the father.

Then go to court and give them the mom's information and try to set up a court date for custody.

You have to have proof that the child is living in an "unsafe" environment and that DH is able to support the child better than the mother can before he could get full custody.

Good luck with that.. my brother in law spent tens of thousands of dollars and over five years of court battles trying to get custody of his daughter from a heroin addict.

I'm bi polar and am capaple of taking care of my kids my ex tried to use that against me and it u would have to prove the kid was in danger...

If he's not on bc he would have to establish paternity, once that's done she could ge him for back child support too, but if he hasn't seen her in 3 years going for full custody would be a dick move... get visitation u don't even know there living situation she could just be crazy, and be a good mom...

Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" I'm bi polar and am capaple of taking care of my kids my ex tried to use that against me and it u would ... [snip!] ... would be a dick move... get visitation u don't even know there living situation she could just be crazy, and be a good mom..."

well neither of us are saying shes a bad mom, and we wouldnt use the bi-polar as saying she is. And of course we would not try for full custody right off the bat, and we know about the back child support which is why we are waiting untill we are financially stable and have a steady income that is doing more for us then just getting us by.

i would see a unfit mother as someone who is relying on other people to support her child without even trying to support the child herself (as being grandparents of the child or others, and her not going to scool or not working, or working and spending all her money on meaningless stuff ex: nails, hair, stuff for herself that is not needed, and nothing for her child) and having men in and out of her child life, living in a dirty environment.



i do not know this woman so idk if this is the kind of environment that she is in but that is what i would see an unfit mother as.

Quoting S U Z I E:" With a DNA test..."

where would you go with the DNA test to get visitation, which is what we are wanting to do, unless we see that she is living in a unsafe or neglactful environment. We in no way want to take her from her mother and if we were to ge full custody we would be very generous with visitation, we do not expect her mother to be generous with visitation but just anything would be good for us. I want her to know her little brother and future siblings.


I've heard there are some DNA tests that cannot be used in court.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Mrs. Mallard*:</b>" well neither of us are saying shes a bad mom, and we wouldnt use the bi-polar as saying she is. And ... [snip!] ... not know this woman so idk if this is the kind of environment that she is in but that is what i would see an unfit mother as."</blockquote>




That's not an unfit mother... if she is like that its just lazyness... and being with diff men has nothing to do with the courts... they won't take a kid away from its mother unless its in danger... I was in court for 2 years and coster over 10,000. Just fighting everything my ex said in court, and to be honest I was way worse than what ur saying, I had drug charges pending from warrents I had from years before that I was also fighting while in fam court,

My ex was on parole for 2 diff gun charges and had been charged with attemped gta before he went for custody, and even then they still
recomended *both parents* be in Deans life, u can ask for 50/50
custody and get visitation, that's prob the best u can get without her mother being and extreme hot mess...




Eta: I ment u could prob get. 50/50 legal custody, the physical custody would depend on how often ur granted visittion, my ex got 3 weekends a month, that's consisdered a good amount of time, but u will pay cs.

Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Mrs. Mallard*:</b>" well neither of us are saying shes a ... [snip!] ... u can ask for 50/50 custody and get visitation, that's prob the best u can get without her mother being and extreme hot mess..."

thats crazy. so even if we would be able to provide her with a more stable environment they wouldnt take that into consideration?

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Mrs. Mallard*:</b>" thats crazy. so even if we would be able to provide her with a more stable environment they wouldnt take that into consideration?"</blockquote>




She would hae to be living in a crack house or homeless and u would have to prove it...

My ex is a professional mma fighter, he's sponsered... and has contacts, idk how much he makes but he has 2 luxery cars and just bought a beautiful house, me and my husband are nurses, I make maybe 45,000 a year I know my ex makes more he gets couple grand just to step in the cage, dosnt matter if he wins, I have 2 other children, so he could prob provide a better lifestyle for Dean, but they won't take him becaue he makes more money

If her mother is capable and his daughter is happy why would you try for full custody? I believe little girls need their mums and although you are a mother you are not her mother. Is it really in the child's best interest for you to have custody?

Quoting Onalee's Mummy:" If her mother is capable and his daughter is happy why would you try for full custody? I believe little ... [snip!] ... mums and although you are a mother you are not her mother. Is it really in the child's best interest for you to have custody?"

i said if her envoronment was unfit, and i believe i said that we would never try to cut her mother out of her life at all.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Mrs. Mallard*:</b>" where would you go with the DNA test to get visitation, which is what we are wanting to do, unless ... [snip!] ... I want her to know her little brother and future siblings. I've heard there are some DNA tests that cannot be used in court."</blockquote>



Ud have to file to establish paternity, when my ex did it it costed him few hundreds, he had to pay for all the tests and filing fees..
Ud go to fam court and file to establish paternity, then child support would kick in and she would be owed all backpay, when my ex filed with his income I was owed 16,000 in 3 years of backpay, then u could file for visitation....

It dosnt matter if she wants to give visitation, ur husband and her would go to mediation and hopefully work out and agreement, the mediator makes a suggestion to the judge about a*plan* judge makes last call tho, but they usually go by what mediator says because they spend more time with parents and its like counseling session...

Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Mrs. Mallard*:</b>" well neither of us are saying shes a ... [snip!] ... on how often ur granted visittion, my ex got 3 weekends a month, that's consisdered a good amount of time, but u will pay cs."

we lve in a different state so like would 50/50 be like someone gets school year and someone gets summer? or just weekend visits?

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Mrs. Mallard*:</b>" well neither of us are saying shes a bad mom, and we wouldnt use the bi-polar as saying she is. And ... [snip!] ... not know this woman so idk if this is the kind of environment that she is in but that is what i would see an unfit mother as."</blockquote>



You just said that you don't even know she is in an unfit environment.

It sounds like you just want custody. Which is fine. But what does this little girl want and what's best for her.