re: feeling dead inside

I'm so sorry.   You didn't fail, he did. You deserve better than that.

It's not your fault. I'm sorry you are going through this.  

Ugh reading this made me nauseous. I'm so sorry mama  

Just as everyone has said.. don't blame yourself. It's some issue within him. I'm sorry you have to go through it though, nothing hurts quite like that. Stay strong <3

thanks ladies
we talked last night and i asked him what does he want.

does he want to be with her?
be alone?
try to work it out with me?

his reply
-i don't want to be with her, i don't want to be with anyone. she is nobody to me.
-i want to be alone, not be with anyone. just be with the kids. i just wanted to have kids with someone and not have to be in a relationship with them. i feel fullfilled with the kids and i don't want anyone else. i am not looking to find anyone ever because i don't want to be in a relationship.
-he says he wants to be with me but he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. And he thinks it will "maybe" work with us.


i asked him if this was a "i need a break from this right now" you know have some time apart or a definate thing. like i don't want to be with you ever again.

and he says he doesn't know what he wants.


its so confusing, so hurtful. i gave him my all. i tried my hardest to please him and go beyond some women out there. I don't think i am mean or a bitch or nag him.

i started applying for jobs and registered for school.
he wants me to stay here in our house. he will move out and the kids will stay with me. he will come and visit them.
he says i don't have to work just finish school and he will support me financially.

--honestly i don't want anything else than him saying . i am going to change, i want you and only you and my kids.

Quoting R. Sparkles:" thanks ladies we talked last night and i asked him what does he want. does he want to be with her? ... [snip!] ... --honestly i don't want anything else than him saying . i am going to change, i want you and only you and my kids."

Woah wtf!? He said that he "just wanted to have kids with someone and doesn't want a relationship" ....I'm sorry, but that just comes off as he planned to use you to bare his children.. don't hold out for him. You can do so much better, be strong for you and your kids. Don't let someone make you feel how you don't want to. I know it's not what you want to hear right now.   You will get past this, you never know how strong you are until you have no other choice but to be strong. *Hugs*

Quoting Kelly+Brandon=Blake:" Woah wtf!? He said that he "just wanted to have kids with someone and doesn't want a relationship" ....I'm ... [snip!] ... right now.   You will get past this, you never know how strong you are until you have no other choice but to be strong. *Hugs*"

yeah he said that.
the reason being is when we first got pregnant, before getting married. we talked about just having kids, and us not wanting to deal with issues that come with being in a relationship. back then we where more friends than anything and i guess he liked how things were back then and wanted it to continue like that.
we had planned just to have kids and not worry about being an "item"


but i changed, i wanted to get married, move in.
you know.

we were nuts back then.

and he said thats what he still wanted to have because its stressful being in a relationship.


we talked again and we decided it was best just to be friends.