it makes me so sad : (

i feel like all i ever do on here is complain, but im just begging to find an answer or a friend or something. ANYTHING. i dont know how much longer i can do this. it breaks my heart that i dont get to enjoy not only my daughters baby stage, but both of my sons at their age (6 and 7). My daughter is 13 months old. She sleeps in bed with us. She does not play independently. She does not fall asleep on her own. She hates car rides. She hates baby carriers. She hates everything! everyday i wake up, get kids ready for school while holding her the whole time. i take them to school, while she stays at home with my mom because she screams and cries until she throws up and chokes if i take her with me. i come home and she immediately starts crying. My mom says "she was happy until you got here" and then leaves. i hold her from 8am until 2:30 in the afternoon. she takes a nap around 10am for about 2.5 hours, but i have to hold her the whole time. if i try to accomplish anything while holding her she wakes up and stays up so from 10am until 12:30ish i have to turn everything off and sit completely still while she naps or else she will be cranky and cry like she does in the car ALL DAY. at 2:30 i have to get the boys. she comes with me. she screams the whole time. the boys want to tell me about their day and stuff but cant because they can hear themselves talk or think when she cries. when we get home my husband is home from work. he takes her so i can smoke a cigarette and pee and all that stuff. she cries the whole time im doing that. she cries for the rest of the day while we juggle her back and forth. she only wants me to hold her, so she screams when my husband does, and i get tired of hearing it and end up taking her. i have to cook dinner, sweep, mop, wash/fold laundry while holding her or it doesnt get done. my husband works 12 hours a day 6 days sometimes 7 days a week so i know he is tired beyond belief. i never get to spend any time with the boys. i hate saying "not now honey, your sister is upset." they are used to hearing it and have stopped even trying because they know she is always upset. they were so excited about having a little sister, and now they cant stand to be around her. i cant say i blame them. at 8 she goes to bed. my husband rocks her for sometimes up to an hour. he put her in her crib and less than an hour later shes up and mad. we get her back to sleep and put her back into the crib...and shes up again. everytime she wakes up sooner than the last time. we do this until it gets to the point that she wakes up when she feels us laying her down. (midnight or sooner) she cries anytime i try to take her anywhere. so basically im holed up in my house all day everyday until i get that one cigarette in the afternoon. she is 100% healthy. we have tried EVERYTHING! we are going broke trying to find just one thing to make her happy. nothing does. the closest thing is for me to just hold her all day and all night. i cant take it anymore. maybe im a selfish bitch, but i just want my life back. not even all of it, i just wan to feel like a human member of society. i want to scream. im afraid im starting to resent her. i cant go to school functions for the boys because of how she is or anything. i should not have to give up time with my other kids to take care of her. i just want to read to them, play a game, play outside, or just be silly with them but i cant because she is always screaming. i dont know what to do or how much longer i can do this. i told DH that i wanted a divorce just to get a break from her. i was kidding at the time, but now it doesnt sound so crazy. i love my DD more than anything, and when she is in a good mood its amazing!! no child compares! but that happens roughly one day per month.

Have you tried letting her CIO? Or, you said she doesn't do that with your mom. Can you leave her there a few days? My mom had to do that with my sister to break her of some of the same habits.

Sounds like you're stressing each other out. Can someone else keep her?

At this age it isn't going to hurt her to CIO.

Like others said it sounds like your feeding off one another's emotions.
I'd see if she can go to your moms for a couple days.
If she throws up I would not do CIO but I'm also against that idea.

I THINK ITS TIME TO LET HER CRY IT OUT. AND IM SORRY BC I KNOW ITS ROUGH BUT MY SON IS 3 NOW AND wont leave my side ever. its rough being a single mom like this . if you dont stop it now it will be worse. have you looked into a daycare maybe to get her into playing w kids her age?

CIO! It will be rough the first couple days but I talked to our pedi when my daughter was that age and he said the average is three to four days of listening to it. Each day being better. Worth a try?

Leave her to cry, put her in her cot close the door and leave her to cry, she is perfectly fine, you know she is safe and if need be put some music on for 5 mins and take a deep breath.

I don't see how people can think getting a child who is already having emotional problems is going to benefit from CIO.
Do you and her get out of the house much in the day? Is there a library or anything within walking distance? She might just need more stimulation. A toddler group could help.

Quoting Sofia's Mummy♥:" I don't see how people can think getting a child who is already having emotional problems is going to ... [snip!] ... day? Is there a library or anything within walking distance? She might just need more stimulation. A toddler group could help."

If you saw, she cries when mommy puts her down, in the car, etc. I doubt walking with a stroller is going to work if she is screaming if mom even hands her off to dad.

It's to the point where she is talking about leaving. It's to the point of letting her DD CIO. It doesn't sound like an emotional problem. It sounds like an attachment problem (which can sometimes happen with attachment parenting).

<blockquote><b>Quoting khigh:</b>" If you saw, she cries when mommy puts her down, in the car, etc. I doubt walking with a stroller is ... [snip!] ... sound like an emotional problem. It sounds like an attachment problem (which can sometimes happen with attachment parenting)."</blockquote>




Not according to psychological theories, but alright. 'Clinginess' and Separation anxiety are a normal, healthy stages of development. Of COURSE she wants to be held, she's still young, she needs her mother. You get some babies that are more naturally independent and some that need a little more time.
Responding to your child's needs, however silly or unnecessary they may seem to you, will help them more in the long run. I don't want my child to think nobody will come to her if she cries.


ETA: my two year old hates strollers so I've been carrying her around everywhere for the last 6 months, and I used public transport for the majority of that time, so that could be an option for OP.

My mom is an alcoholic, and i only trust her in the mornings before the liquor store opens and before she has a chance to drink. when she is sober she is great, but thats a rarity after 11am. DH's mom is trustworthy but she only likes to watch her for short amounts of time when its good for her. it makes her mad that im upset that she is like this. im supposed to cherish this. she doesnt care if i spend less time with the boys because they are not her grandkids like DD is. I currently have DD in a church organized Childrens Morning Out Program. She goes every Thurs and Fri from 9am until 1pm (they only stay open from 9-1) and they are about to kick her out. she cries the whole time im gone until i come back. she loves WATCHING other kids, but she is not fond of interaction. we dont get out much because she cries the whole time, and honestly im burnt out on hearing it. i dont want to do more to make her cry. we have tried CIO a little. She gets so upset that she throws up. she doesnt give in like most babies. : ( iv also tried having her crib in our room and her being in her room, tried inclining the mattress incase of stuffy nose or reflux, making her matress feel as much like our as possible, putting my clothing in with her so she will have my smell. iv tried everything but letting someone keep her for a few days to break the habbit and give me a break. i would die if someone would do that for me, but nobody is willing because they see how she is and would rather not. also i think that this is hurting her reaching milestones. verbally she is a very very smart child, but she did not learn to crawl until roughly 10 months, didnt pull up until 11 months and didnt try walking until recently. now i know that all babies are different, and all grow and learn at different rates, but i cant help but think that its hard to learn to do those things if you never get in the floor. i bring it up to her pedi and they all act like im terrible and that im saying she is slow. im not saying that, im saying she is behind. maybe it is just that she wasnt ready yet...but to me it makes sense.

Quoting Sofia's Mummy♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting khigh:</b>" If you saw, she cries when mommy puts her down, ... [snip!] ... everywhere for the last 6 months, and I used public transport for the majority of that time, so that could be an option for OP."

So... WTF do you suggest she do?? Just deal with it? Maybe someone as yourself can, but she is here saying she can't! If you read her post, she is extremely stressed out and upset... this doesn't help the situation any.
My advice, try CIO the Ferber way... She is old enough for it and there is no harm in trying it. Or have your Mom take her a few days and gather your thoughts and bearings. Maybe a few days with your mom will help her get out of the habit of being so attached. Good luck momma.... I can't imagine how you feel.

Quoting MiniVanMafiaMom:" My mom is an alcoholic, and i only trust her in the mornings before the liquor store opens and before ... [snip!] ... she is slow. im not saying that, im saying she is behind. maybe it is just that she wasnt ready yet...but to me it makes sense."

Oh ok... so I retract my advice about leavug her with your Mom. I am sorry  
Id there anyone else you can leave her with? Maybe mother in law? Cousin? Friends? The more stressed you are, the worse the situation will get. You need a break!! What if you put her in daycare maybe 2 days a week? Social interaction may help.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Fo Shizzle My Nizzle:</b>" So... WTF do you suggest she do?? Just deal with it? Maybe someone as yourself can, but she is here saying ... [snip!] ... with your mom will help her get out of the habit of being so attached. Good luck momma.... I can't imagine how you feel. "</blockquote>




There IS harm. And she just said she has already tried CIO and she doesn't 'give in'.


And OP.. She is NOT slow or developmentally behind at all. Not in the slightest.
Can you try a group where you stay with her?
Have you tried co-sleeping?