Asking about his dad

Okay so my sons father has never been in his life. My best friend was always a father figure to him, he would take him to the movies and play soccer with him etc. my best friend passed away recently and ever since then Rafael's been asking about his dad. Like he'll come home from daycare and say "since uncle luis is in heaven, can my daddy come play soccer with me?" Stuff like that. I have no idea what to say. I've been kind of avoiding it, I'll just say no, I'll go play soccer with you. At first he would just say okay but now he's asking why his daddy can't come, why do the kids at his daycare have a daddy and he doesn't, etc. can someone help me? I don't know what to say   he's 4 btw.

I'd explain about different families

how some only have one mommy, some have a daddy, some have a mommy and daddy, some have 2 mommies or two daddies

Explain that your family has just a mommy for right now

My daughter does not have a father in her life.
& when she asks for him, I simply tell her..some families have a mom & dad & then some families have just a mom & some families have just dads.
All families, are different.


& she understood it when I told her.

& she's 3 btw

Just tell him that all families are different. Some have two Mommys, some have two daddies, some only have one mommy or one daddy

My dad died when I was lil I know its not the same, but they used to try and keep me busy, when I felt bad about my dad or was missing him, my mom would call my grandpa... that always helped...

before I got married I was single and deans dad wasn't involved I used to just tell him about his dad and show him pixs, then I would remind him that even tho his daddy wasn't around there was still a lot of people who wanted to be in his life... I would always call my mom or his godmother to kinda talk to him make him feel better...

I think u offering to step in instead is great. Maybe have that conversation w him if u think he can understand it. Tell him how some kids have a mommy n a daddy, some just a mommy, but that doesnt mean hes loved any less etc. he's already realizing his dad isn't there n his uncle is in heaven so he prolly understands more than u may realize he does.

Thanks everyone!

Quoting Rafael's Mommy ♥:" Okay so my sons father has never been in his life. My best friend was always a father figure to him, ... [snip!] ... why do the kids at his daycare have a daddy and he doesn't, etc. can someone help me? I don't know what to say   he's 4 btw."

Do you know his father's address? If you are okay with it, you can help him write a letter to his father. That way, he can openly express his emotions and maybe his father can explain to him why he isnt in his life.

If not, you can just explain that some families have no dad in them, some with no mom, and some with just grandparents. Tell him that it isnt his fault that his daddy doesnt live there.

Just let him express himself and make sure you ask him if he has any questions. Just be open and honest with him about his dad.


You might be able to find a Big Brother type of program.

<blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" Do you know his father's address? If you are okay with it, you can help him write a letter to his father. ... [snip!] ... has any questions. Just be open and honest with him about his dad. You might be able to find a Big Brother type of program. "</blockquote>


I love the big brother idea!

The letter idea I like too, I might wait until he's older though. I think I know his dads address but knowing him he's homeless again or living with some random girl...I don't even know if he would write back. I wouldn't want him to get his hopes up and then his dad doesn't write back.

Quoting Rafael's Mommy ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" Do you know his father's address? If you ... [snip!] ... girl...I don't even know if he would write back. I wouldn't want him to get his hopes up and then his dad doesn't write back."

My father never wrote me back either...

I actually don't really think my mom sent out my letters... but it was a good way to vent anyway for them. :/

Just be prepared for the "I want to live with my REAL dad!" when he gets older. I used that just to get a rise out of my mother. lol. I did meet my biological father a few years ago. That is when I really understood why my mother didnt let him see me...and I was sooo grateful. He was a lot like your BD sounds, but add heroin.

<blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" My father never wrote me back either... I actually don't really think my mom sent out my letters... ... [snip!] ... understood why my mother didnt let him see me...and I was sooo grateful. He was a lot like your BD sounds, but add heroin. "</blockquote>


Yeah, my sons father is a drug addict too, I don't even know what drugs anymore. I feel like a horrible mother for putting my son in this position, I just keep thinking about how stupid I was to have a baby with me. I'm scared Rafael's gonna grow up and hate me for it.

Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" My father never wrote me back either... I actually don't really think my mom sent out my letters... ... [snip!] ... understood why my mother didnt let him see me...and I was sooo grateful. He was a lot like your BD sounds, but add heroin. "

Cora is 4 and is pulling the "I wanna live with daddy" smurf

but her dad takes her every weekend, so it's different

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rafael's Mommy ♥:</b>" Thanks everyone!"</blockquote>




You're welcome.
Explaining about families being different worked for my son and he was a lot younger than yours. His dad died when he was 19 months old and the first time he asked for his dad I explained to him that it was just him and mommy now. He never asked again, he's 3.5 now

Quoting Rafael's Mommy ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" My father never wrote me back either... ... [snip!] ... I just keep thinking about how stupid I was to have a baby with me. I'm scared Rafael's gonna grow up and hate me for it."

Everything does happen for a reason. My mother got married when I was six and he adopted me and gave me three siblings ((with my mom.)) You will find a great daddy for him, just give it a little time.

When he is grown and wants to meet his biological father, he will see you did the best thing you could for him and thank you for it.

I like ya'lls ideas my daughters way young to even ask but its been one of my fears about the future when she asks where her dad is. If she is old enough I was going to say "he wasn't ready for a baby as great as you" or something like that but I have a feeling she will ask before that older period >.< I think I'm totally going to use the different familes explanation, perhaps the letter thing one day too. I know him walking away (please let it be forever) is best for my daughter but it sucks being that I'm from a family where my parents are still together. goodluck with your son perhaps finding him another male role model would be good for him to keep him focused.