Lying makes me super IRRITATED.

So it's been a couple months since my abortion. I'm doing great, no regrets, moving on with my life. That whole shebang. But there is one huge problem that is pissing me off day in and day out: I have to lie about my abortion.

When I was pregnant, I told my BF at the time to not tell anyone because I wanted to do this discreetly. Well, because he was a gigantic abusive controlling DICKWAD he decided to tell every single person he knew. Posted on FB, called my family, told all his friends. He did this to prevent me from getting an abortion, hoping that I would be too ashamed to go through with it because of the "shame" of everyone knowing I terminated.

Well, I went straight to my mother and she blatantly said: We will tell everyone you miscarried. Eff him, let's go get that restraining order.

So all is said and done, abortion is complete and I haven't had any contact with him or his Evangelical family since the procedure. There are two problems that have been plaguing me since then:

1. I have a serious amount of anxiety about seeing any of his friends. He ran with a somewhat rough crowd, and death threats have been made against me for being a "baby killer". We live in the same metro area, so I am constantly fearful whenever I leave the house to do anything at all. I am so afraid that I will see someone he knows and they will take action against me or accost me in some way.

2. I am sick and tired of having to pretend to feel bad about my "miscarriage". I am sick and tired of having to lie about a defining moment in my life to make others feel better. I don't like hiding things from people just to preserve their warm-fuzzy-happy-go-lucky view of the world. I hate having to answer tons of invasive questions about my "miscarriage" that I don't know the answers to because I ABORTED.

I skipped going to Thanksgiving this year because I just did not want to deal with my extended family seeing me for the first time since the procedure. They always interrogate me to death about every detail of my life on the Holidays and I just can't deal with it. I don't know how to deal with people that don't know I am no longer pregnant and are sending me weird ass congratulatory cards.

Is this a therapy worthy situation? Should I just go see a shrink? Because I don't have any emotional qualms about my decision. But for some reason everyone around me has been so mega-dramatically hurt and devastated by my "miscarriage" and they are angry at me for "not caring enough". They think I am a stone cold bitch.

TL;DR I am sick of having to appease and baby everyone else's butthurt feelings about my termination.

I'd probably just stop lying. You don't need a therapist because of what others may think.

Wow I am so sorry, no one should have to deal with that. I want to kick him in his smurfing teeth.

Just leave them be. Just say you lost the baby and would rather not go into details because it is too painful for you. If they don't have the decency to leave you alone after that then they are the people with the problem not you  You don't need therapy if you have come to terms with your choice. It would be different if you were debating on suicide because you got an abortion KWIM?

Im so sorry you have to deal such a dickwad. Wow what an ass. If it were me I would just stop lying next time someone asks about your "miscarriage" just say you know what I choose to terminate the pregnancy. You can share your reason if you want but you dont have to. Tell them its your body your uterus and they can get the smurf out of it. Stand up for yourself. You made the best choice for you screw everyone else.

Quoting JiLLiAN.:" I'd probably just stop lying. You don't need a therapist because of what others may think."

  

Thanks dudes. Good to hear some different opinions on this. I guess I'm just torn between not wanting to hurt everyone's feelings and standing up for what I believe in. I've been telling more people the truth recently, and I've gotten a multitude of reactions.

Sure lets you know who your true friends are.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jennybananna:</b>" Im so sorry you have to deal such a dickwad. Wow what an ass. If it were me I would just stop lying next ... [snip!] ... your uterus and they can get the smurf out of it. Stand up for yourself. You made the best choice for you screw everyone else. "</blockquote>




!!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Profane Rose:</b>" So it's been a couple months since my abortion. I'm doing great, no regrets, moving on with my life. ... [snip!] ... I am a stone cold bitch. TL;DR I am sick of having to appease and baby everyone else's butthurt feelings about my termination."</blockquote>



If it's too much drama to tell the truth( and I've kept mine a secret from my whole family, so I understand ) just say that you don't want to talk about it. Stick with that when your family gets nosy.

Truly, they might here about the abortion from your ex or one of his friends if they run into him. He sounds like that kind of a jerk.

I'm sorry your going through this. If there's no way you can be honest with people without getting hurt, look at it as lying to protect yourself. Not everyone can be supportive after an abortion. That's why I "lied by ommision" to my own family... To protect myself from their scorn and to protect their Catholic, ant-choice life-style.

Good luck and big hugs, OP. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and you're so lucky to have your mom's support in your decision.

at family gatherings like that you can just say i dont want to talk about it. im trying to move foreward. if they press on say he told everyone and you didnt want him to in case smething like this happened.


its absolutely none of anyone's business. even if you did miscarry, im sure you would not want to answer all these intrusive questions.

BTW...what a smurfing douchebag.